11 ways to recognize workplace bullies
9 December 2014
Read by 2439 persons
We all risk facing this someday. The psychological consequences can be unbearable: stress, burnout, anxiety, depression, psychosomatic disorders, etc. The professional consequences are equally significant: resignation, decreased cognitive performance, exhaustion, etc. While there isn't a specific psychopathology of the bully, and many personality structures can adopt this behavior under certain circumstances, clinical literature and experience teach us the regularity of specific behavioral patterns in bullying personalities. I propose 11, unfortunately not exhaustive.
1) They don't respect their function, role, or status. The colleague who calls you in to share their grievances, the manager who imposes incomprehensible practices when your area of expertise is not within their competence...The bullying personality rarely feels secure in their professional identity, perhaps because they were promoted to a position for which they lacked the skills, perhaps because they fail to accomplish their own tasks and objectives, perhaps because they can't get the recognition they want, or perhaps because they fear being exposed, or finally, perhaps because they were previously persecuted by another bullying personality. While the apparent "reasons" may seem numerous, at a latent level the narcissistic flaw, not consciously recognized by the bully, proves to be the primary driver of their actions...for which someone else always ends up paying the price. Understand that the bully needs the bullied; by attacking them psychologically, they reassure themselves narcissistically ("I place in you what I don't like in myself; by destroying you, I get rid of it").
2) They constantly mix professional and personal matters. They might talk about your haircut or their weekend, their likes or dislikes, question your family life...And, generally, you don't know what to answer! Initially, this behavior might make them seem friendly and approachable. But later, this becomes the foundation of your suffering because when they attack you, the bullying personality may reproach you for things completely unrelated to your work but rather based on their judgment of you, your way of dressing, speaking...thinking. This approach to others reveals their confusion of professional identity and their inability to respect yours, your limits, and their difficulty in respecting the work environment—the concrete but also symbolic law that structures and mediates interpersonal relationships in the workplace.
3) Their moods affect their behavior. Going to work with a knot in your stomach and questions: "What mood will I find them in today? Will they be in a good mood so I can have a bearable day? Will they greet me?" You should never have to ask yourself these questions with a non-bullying personality. Their emotions take precedence over their work, and they never manage to leave their personal feelings at the door. Worse: their anxieties affect your work and your relationships; they make you "carry" them. The risk is that you end up adopting this pathological dynamic, appreciating or even being grateful for the days of respite when the bully is doing well and leaves you more or less in peace. In reality, it's the ambivalence towards the object you represent for them, which they must alternately destroy and repair, that dictates their behavior. Your psychological well-being should never depend on a colleague's emotional state.
4) They never question themselves. They never apologize. They never reconsider their behavior. Unless you can find support from a superior, in which case they will comply superficially but make you pay for it later. This mechanism is even more formidable if the bully is your superior. It's easier for you to question your practices and identify your mistakes than to question the person who represents authority, the institution, the company...The bully's lack of self-reflection strengthens their control over you and contributes to making you a complete victim, perhaps even making you accept the most intolerable and unjust statements and actions.
5) They blame you for their mistakes. Linked to the previous point. A typical example: "-Why didn't you correct the Dupont file? - You didn't send it to me. - Well, you should have reminded me, where was your head?". This process, almost systematic in moral harassment situations and seemingly banal, contributes to the perversion of the professional relationship and especially the other person's words. Remember, for the bully, you are the bad object; everything is your fault, no matter what you do or say. Those being harassed may feel like they are the bully's only target; sometimes that's indeed the case.
6) They ask you to do something without giving you the means. You have to write a 100-page report by tomorrow, be on time in the department but first go through accounting, do work without any suitable material, double yourself...In fact, the moral bully constantly maintains professional alienation, disregarding reality. They want you to meet all their demands, even the most absurd, impossible, or contradictory ones (the famous "double bind"). Subconsciously, they may want you to fail so they can derive a form of latent enjoyment when they later reproach you (Bluebeard complex). They may also reproach you for things they encourage in another colleague.
7) They create a climate of threat. But rarely carry them out since they still need the bullied person to resolve their internal conflicts. It may involve subtle forms of blackmail, and if you feel you are a victim, the first thing to do is to note down every statement that seems to indicate it. The persecutory atmosphere can also manifest as constant pressure aimed at exploiting the neurotic-normal subject's sense of guilt: "If you don't submit this report on time, you'll endanger the entire company."
8) There is a history. The bullying personality develops over time, and if you ever consult occupational health, you can be sure they'll tell you that this person is "well-known". Fortunately, this is a positive criterion; the harassed person, in a controlling relationship, may end up imagining that they are truly the bad persecutory object the bully wants them to be. "Luckily," they will quickly realize that they were just one victim among many...and certainly not the first.
9) They affect you psychologically and don't respect your individuality. You leave an interview with them in tears, legs shaking, you think about it on the weekend, and it deteriorates your relationships with loved ones; you are "haunted" by this person. NO COLLEAGUE SHOULD EVER INDUCE SUCH REACTIONS. We can't stress this enough: everyone must respect the other's somato-psychological integrity; nothing justifies pushing someone to their limits, and "framework" should primarily mean "support." Even if a mistake has been made, respect and understanding should always prevail. Your uniqueness, your difference, is precious; you have the right to have opinions that differ from theirs, and you should never feel obliged to keep them quiet to avoid upsetting them. Remember that moral harassment, through its psychological ferocity against the foundations of another's personality, can lead to suicidal acts, to completely destroying "their" object.
10) Your efforts worsen the problem. Your self-assurance (the narcissism of life) is perceived as a threat by the narcissistically fragile bully (narcissism of death). That's why they try to break you. Also, since they more or less unconsciously doubt their usefulness, your energy and dynamism can be perceived as a threat because it breaks the secure isomorphism that marks their abusive mechanism. There's a kind of paranoia in the bully that fuels their splitting relationship with you. If you act as you do, in their eyes it's perhaps to steal their job, humiliate them, isolate them from the rest of the team...Sometimes, personal difficulties may have led them to over-invest in the professional environment; trying to improve the company or its procedures may be interpreted as an attempt to change them, to alter the space they have defensively, but pathologically, come to occupy as a refuge.
11) They don't respect the law. This criterion may seem obvious, but unfortunately it is not. While it should be the main cause for alarm. The bully wants you to work outside your hours, perhaps even change them because of a public holiday, they took a long time to give you a work contract, they don't respect collective agreements—all this comes back to you now that everything is crumbling. The violation of the framework is the first indication, the first sign of a dysfunction. We tend to accept them because the game of the company or institution may wrongly lead to accepting compromises. But the law is the law and admits no exceptions. It's the finger in the gears, the beginning of the torment. When someone files a complaint against a bully, most of the time they don't realize how many aggressions they were previously the victim of, and a third party has to tell them that the ordeals they were going through were not legal, that they were even highly reprehensible. The bully doesn't respect the law because they think THEY ARE the law in a purely perverse dynamic, which explains their feeling of impunity and the utterly absurd propositions they sometimes make. They may also have found accomplices in the institution, consenting observers who see but do nothing, out of fear or weariness, perhaps too happy not to be the victims. The bully can even fuel the pathogenic dynamic of the institution or company itself.
Not all of these criteria indicate a bullying situation, and not all bullies adhere to all of them. However, their combination should warn you. The mass hyper-narcissism of hypermodern society, obsessed with performance, brilliance, and pleasure, can encourage deviant behaviors, and too often victims of bullies don't dare break a deadly dynamic that they end up considering "normal" because, after all, "it's the same everywhere else." But also out of fear of losing their job or even worse reprisals (the terrifying "I'll send an email, and you'll never find work in this sector again"). Sadly, the bullying relationship is entropic, and sooner or later, often too late, the victim collapses and cries for help. The process of psychological reconstruction will be all the more difficult and long the later the controlling relationship is interrupted. However, the law is inflexible, and the bully faces "two years' imprisonment and a €30,000 fine (Article 222-33-2 of the penal code). If the acts were committed by an employee, they are also liable to disciplinary action (which can go as far as dismissal for serious misconduct)."
Only recourse to the law seems a solution to stop the harmful and perverse momentum of the bully who makes their victim live a true hell. Resignation is not a solution, since after you, another target will be found; the story will repeat itself, again and again. Associations exist to support you. Never be a victim again: break the silence.
Useful Bibliography
Bergeret, J. & Coll. (1986). Narcissism and borderline states, Paris, Dunod.
Green, A (1982). Narcissism of life, Narcissism of death, Paris, Minuit.
Hirigoyen, M.F. (2014). Moral Harassment at Work, Paris, PUF.
Sibony, D. (1987). Perversions, dialogue on "current" follies, Paris, Le Seuil, 2000.
Truchot, D. (2004). Professional exhaustion and burnout, Paris, 2013, Dunod.
Samuel Dock.
Huffingtonpost.fr
Published November 27, 2014.
Posted December 9, 2014.
1) They don't respect their function, role, or status. The colleague who calls you in to share their grievances, the manager who imposes incomprehensible practices when your area of expertise is not within their competence...The bullying personality rarely feels secure in their professional identity, perhaps because they were promoted to a position for which they lacked the skills, perhaps because they fail to accomplish their own tasks and objectives, perhaps because they can't get the recognition they want, or perhaps because they fear being exposed, or finally, perhaps because they were previously persecuted by another bullying personality. While the apparent "reasons" may seem numerous, at a latent level the narcissistic flaw, not consciously recognized by the bully, proves to be the primary driver of their actions...for which someone else always ends up paying the price. Understand that the bully needs the bullied; by attacking them psychologically, they reassure themselves narcissistically ("I place in you what I don't like in myself; by destroying you, I get rid of it").
2) They constantly mix professional and personal matters. They might talk about your haircut or their weekend, their likes or dislikes, question your family life...And, generally, you don't know what to answer! Initially, this behavior might make them seem friendly and approachable. But later, this becomes the foundation of your suffering because when they attack you, the bullying personality may reproach you for things completely unrelated to your work but rather based on their judgment of you, your way of dressing, speaking...thinking. This approach to others reveals their confusion of professional identity and their inability to respect yours, your limits, and their difficulty in respecting the work environment—the concrete but also symbolic law that structures and mediates interpersonal relationships in the workplace.
3) Their moods affect their behavior. Going to work with a knot in your stomach and questions: "What mood will I find them in today? Will they be in a good mood so I can have a bearable day? Will they greet me?" You should never have to ask yourself these questions with a non-bullying personality. Their emotions take precedence over their work, and they never manage to leave their personal feelings at the door. Worse: their anxieties affect your work and your relationships; they make you "carry" them. The risk is that you end up adopting this pathological dynamic, appreciating or even being grateful for the days of respite when the bully is doing well and leaves you more or less in peace. In reality, it's the ambivalence towards the object you represent for them, which they must alternately destroy and repair, that dictates their behavior. Your psychological well-being should never depend on a colleague's emotional state.
4) They never question themselves. They never apologize. They never reconsider their behavior. Unless you can find support from a superior, in which case they will comply superficially but make you pay for it later. This mechanism is even more formidable if the bully is your superior. It's easier for you to question your practices and identify your mistakes than to question the person who represents authority, the institution, the company...The bully's lack of self-reflection strengthens their control over you and contributes to making you a complete victim, perhaps even making you accept the most intolerable and unjust statements and actions.
5) They blame you for their mistakes. Linked to the previous point. A typical example: "-Why didn't you correct the Dupont file? - You didn't send it to me. - Well, you should have reminded me, where was your head?". This process, almost systematic in moral harassment situations and seemingly banal, contributes to the perversion of the professional relationship and especially the other person's words. Remember, for the bully, you are the bad object; everything is your fault, no matter what you do or say. Those being harassed may feel like they are the bully's only target; sometimes that's indeed the case.
6) They ask you to do something without giving you the means. You have to write a 100-page report by tomorrow, be on time in the department but first go through accounting, do work without any suitable material, double yourself...In fact, the moral bully constantly maintains professional alienation, disregarding reality. They want you to meet all their demands, even the most absurd, impossible, or contradictory ones (the famous "double bind"). Subconsciously, they may want you to fail so they can derive a form of latent enjoyment when they later reproach you (Bluebeard complex). They may also reproach you for things they encourage in another colleague.
7) They create a climate of threat. But rarely carry them out since they still need the bullied person to resolve their internal conflicts. It may involve subtle forms of blackmail, and if you feel you are a victim, the first thing to do is to note down every statement that seems to indicate it. The persecutory atmosphere can also manifest as constant pressure aimed at exploiting the neurotic-normal subject's sense of guilt: "If you don't submit this report on time, you'll endanger the entire company."
8) There is a history. The bullying personality develops over time, and if you ever consult occupational health, you can be sure they'll tell you that this person is "well-known". Fortunately, this is a positive criterion; the harassed person, in a controlling relationship, may end up imagining that they are truly the bad persecutory object the bully wants them to be. "Luckily," they will quickly realize that they were just one victim among many...and certainly not the first.
9) They affect you psychologically and don't respect your individuality. You leave an interview with them in tears, legs shaking, you think about it on the weekend, and it deteriorates your relationships with loved ones; you are "haunted" by this person. NO COLLEAGUE SHOULD EVER INDUCE SUCH REACTIONS. We can't stress this enough: everyone must respect the other's somato-psychological integrity; nothing justifies pushing someone to their limits, and "framework" should primarily mean "support." Even if a mistake has been made, respect and understanding should always prevail. Your uniqueness, your difference, is precious; you have the right to have opinions that differ from theirs, and you should never feel obliged to keep them quiet to avoid upsetting them. Remember that moral harassment, through its psychological ferocity against the foundations of another's personality, can lead to suicidal acts, to completely destroying "their" object.
10) Your efforts worsen the problem. Your self-assurance (the narcissism of life) is perceived as a threat by the narcissistically fragile bully (narcissism of death). That's why they try to break you. Also, since they more or less unconsciously doubt their usefulness, your energy and dynamism can be perceived as a threat because it breaks the secure isomorphism that marks their abusive mechanism. There's a kind of paranoia in the bully that fuels their splitting relationship with you. If you act as you do, in their eyes it's perhaps to steal their job, humiliate them, isolate them from the rest of the team...Sometimes, personal difficulties may have led them to over-invest in the professional environment; trying to improve the company or its procedures may be interpreted as an attempt to change them, to alter the space they have defensively, but pathologically, come to occupy as a refuge.
11) They don't respect the law. This criterion may seem obvious, but unfortunately it is not. While it should be the main cause for alarm. The bully wants you to work outside your hours, perhaps even change them because of a public holiday, they took a long time to give you a work contract, they don't respect collective agreements—all this comes back to you now that everything is crumbling. The violation of the framework is the first indication, the first sign of a dysfunction. We tend to accept them because the game of the company or institution may wrongly lead to accepting compromises. But the law is the law and admits no exceptions. It's the finger in the gears, the beginning of the torment. When someone files a complaint against a bully, most of the time they don't realize how many aggressions they were previously the victim of, and a third party has to tell them that the ordeals they were going through were not legal, that they were even highly reprehensible. The bully doesn't respect the law because they think THEY ARE the law in a purely perverse dynamic, which explains their feeling of impunity and the utterly absurd propositions they sometimes make. They may also have found accomplices in the institution, consenting observers who see but do nothing, out of fear or weariness, perhaps too happy not to be the victims. The bully can even fuel the pathogenic dynamic of the institution or company itself.
Not all of these criteria indicate a bullying situation, and not all bullies adhere to all of them. However, their combination should warn you. The mass hyper-narcissism of hypermodern society, obsessed with performance, brilliance, and pleasure, can encourage deviant behaviors, and too often victims of bullies don't dare break a deadly dynamic that they end up considering "normal" because, after all, "it's the same everywhere else." But also out of fear of losing their job or even worse reprisals (the terrifying "I'll send an email, and you'll never find work in this sector again"). Sadly, the bullying relationship is entropic, and sooner or later, often too late, the victim collapses and cries for help. The process of psychological reconstruction will be all the more difficult and long the later the controlling relationship is interrupted. However, the law is inflexible, and the bully faces "two years' imprisonment and a €30,000 fine (Article 222-33-2 of the penal code). If the acts were committed by an employee, they are also liable to disciplinary action (which can go as far as dismissal for serious misconduct)."
Only recourse to the law seems a solution to stop the harmful and perverse momentum of the bully who makes their victim live a true hell. Resignation is not a solution, since after you, another target will be found; the story will repeat itself, again and again. Associations exist to support you. Never be a victim again: break the silence.
Useful Bibliography
Bergeret, J. & Coll. (1986). Narcissism and borderline states, Paris, Dunod.
Green, A (1982). Narcissism of life, Narcissism of death, Paris, Minuit.
Hirigoyen, M.F. (2014). Moral Harassment at Work, Paris, PUF.
Sibony, D. (1987). Perversions, dialogue on "current" follies, Paris, Le Seuil, 2000.
Truchot, D. (2004). Professional exhaustion and burnout, Paris, 2013, Dunod.
Samuel Dock.
Huffingtonpost.fr
Published November 27, 2014.
Posted December 9, 2014.
