Five Ways to Manage Your Anger at Work
16 April 2013
Read by 2308 persons
This time, you're furious, even though you're usually petrified. Anger overwhelms you or eats away at you. How can you channel and use it?
Suggestions from Nathalie Dedebant, coach and consultant at Cegos (1).
Anger has a bad reputation because it is associated with violence. However, it is a vital function that allows you to move the obstacle, get around it or flee. In a company, healthy anger helps to be respected. And to achieve this, you must master this harmful anger that destroys everything. Typology in five profiles.
1. Exacerbated anger: I explode at every opportunity
The situation: Your colleague interrupts you to announce the postponement to the end of the day of a meeting on project Z, which is crucial for your work. In addition, you have to leave at 5 pm. You yell at Luc, attacking him: "This is unacceptable! You're not serious. You're warning me at the last minute. We have to meet at noon!"
>>> The advice: refocus on yourself Are you beside yourself? Turn around. The accumulation of frustrations is not a reason to accuse Luc. He is only a messenger. Breathe to relieve the pressure. Then proceed in three phases.
1/ have the other person rephrase what they are saying to avoid a tit-for-tat.
2/ touch a part of your body (clasp your hands, pinch yourself) to reconnect with yourself.
3/ use "I" and not "you", which judges everything while verbalizing a feeling. "I am angry, I am furious." "I think this is not serious", etc.
2. Disguised anger: I make insidious remarks
The situation: "HR departments are never very clear, that's well known!" or "Don't you think that we need to align words and actions?" Annoyed by this manager's confusing statements, you address him in public, taking detours (irony, sarcasm, insinuation) to fault him. You wear a smile that masks your anger. And the other person doesn't always understand. Or you are constantly complaining.
>>> The advice: adopt the 4Ps
This four-step technique helps you to take a step back.
1/ Present the facts: "I am not comfortable with your speech." 2/ Share your emotions: "I am frustrated."
3/ Propose solutions: "I need consistency and explanations."
4/ Produce the future. I will question HR again to understand.
3. Provoked anger: I am stung
The situation: You have just submitted a report to the marketing department and your colleague is discourteous. "It's full of spelling mistakes. The presentation is ugly. You like green, you can see that!" You feel attacked and tense.
>>> The advice: cushion the blow
Adopt the duvet technique, very effective. It's about sorting out what is acceptable or not in what you are told. Remaining calm, answer.
1/ on the presence of mistakes, agree "Yes, that's true."
2/ on the presentation and color, assume: "when you say it's ugly, it's your point of view. You don't like green, I do." You thus distinguish between the factual - the mistakes - and the opinion - the green -. Above all, resist the urge to provoke in return -"you have no taste" - or to justify yourself.
4. Escalating anger: I get worked up
The situation: Your colleague did not contact the supplier, believing that you were taking care of it and vice versa. As a result, there was no delivery. And each one throws the ball back to the other in a bitter two-way escalation. You feel you are right, entrenched in your position, blaming the other. "It was your turn to call!"
>>> The advice: say "we"Take the initiative by stopping your excitement. Then declare calmly: "Let's stop there, let's regain our composure" or "Let's calm down". A way to include yourself, to acknowledge that you too have let yourself be carried away by an emotional peak. As a manager, you can then put words to your emotions: "I am angry". This will encourage the other person to speak in turn. And once back in a rational mode, each one will formulate their needs: "How do we organize ourselves in the future?"
5. Inhibited anger: I don't dare to express myself
The situation: Your boss refuses you a bonus you were supposed to receive. It is impossible for you to discuss it. However, you deserve it and you cry with rage. Or, turning white, you swallow your saliva before leaving without saying a word. Or you take it upon yourself to smooth things over.
>>> The advice: allow yourself to be judgmental
Be careful not to repress your emotions too much. You have the right not to be happy, to exist in indignation. You must welcome anger, let it rise. To help you, write down your grievances. Then go see colleagues who will encourage you. "You're right, don't let yourself be pushed around!" In the case of the bonus, make sure you have the support of your N+2 and push yourself to see the N+1: "Come on, I'm going, I'm attacking." Anger is then constructive. It gives you the energy to negotiate or say no.
(1) co-author of "Transform your anger into positive energy", Eyrolles, 2013
Marie-Madeleine Sève.
Published on February 25, 2013
Posted online on April 16, 2013.
Lexpress.fr
Suggestions from Nathalie Dedebant, coach and consultant at Cegos (1).
Anger has a bad reputation because it is associated with violence. However, it is a vital function that allows you to move the obstacle, get around it or flee. In a company, healthy anger helps to be respected. And to achieve this, you must master this harmful anger that destroys everything. Typology in five profiles.
1. Exacerbated anger: I explode at every opportunity
The situation: Your colleague interrupts you to announce the postponement to the end of the day of a meeting on project Z, which is crucial for your work. In addition, you have to leave at 5 pm. You yell at Luc, attacking him: "This is unacceptable! You're not serious. You're warning me at the last minute. We have to meet at noon!"
>>> The advice: refocus on yourself Are you beside yourself? Turn around. The accumulation of frustrations is not a reason to accuse Luc. He is only a messenger. Breathe to relieve the pressure. Then proceed in three phases.
1/ have the other person rephrase what they are saying to avoid a tit-for-tat.
2/ touch a part of your body (clasp your hands, pinch yourself) to reconnect with yourself.
3/ use "I" and not "you", which judges everything while verbalizing a feeling. "I am angry, I am furious." "I think this is not serious", etc.
2. Disguised anger: I make insidious remarks
The situation: "HR departments are never very clear, that's well known!" or "Don't you think that we need to align words and actions?" Annoyed by this manager's confusing statements, you address him in public, taking detours (irony, sarcasm, insinuation) to fault him. You wear a smile that masks your anger. And the other person doesn't always understand. Or you are constantly complaining.
>>> The advice: adopt the 4Ps
This four-step technique helps you to take a step back.
1/ Present the facts: "I am not comfortable with your speech." 2/ Share your emotions: "I am frustrated."
3/ Propose solutions: "I need consistency and explanations."
4/ Produce the future. I will question HR again to understand.
3. Provoked anger: I am stung
The situation: You have just submitted a report to the marketing department and your colleague is discourteous. "It's full of spelling mistakes. The presentation is ugly. You like green, you can see that!" You feel attacked and tense.
>>> The advice: cushion the blow
Adopt the duvet technique, very effective. It's about sorting out what is acceptable or not in what you are told. Remaining calm, answer.
1/ on the presence of mistakes, agree "Yes, that's true."
2/ on the presentation and color, assume: "when you say it's ugly, it's your point of view. You don't like green, I do." You thus distinguish between the factual - the mistakes - and the opinion - the green -. Above all, resist the urge to provoke in return -"you have no taste" - or to justify yourself.
4. Escalating anger: I get worked up
The situation: Your colleague did not contact the supplier, believing that you were taking care of it and vice versa. As a result, there was no delivery. And each one throws the ball back to the other in a bitter two-way escalation. You feel you are right, entrenched in your position, blaming the other. "It was your turn to call!"
>>> The advice: say "we"Take the initiative by stopping your excitement. Then declare calmly: "Let's stop there, let's regain our composure" or "Let's calm down". A way to include yourself, to acknowledge that you too have let yourself be carried away by an emotional peak. As a manager, you can then put words to your emotions: "I am angry". This will encourage the other person to speak in turn. And once back in a rational mode, each one will formulate their needs: "How do we organize ourselves in the future?"
5. Inhibited anger: I don't dare to express myself
The situation: Your boss refuses you a bonus you were supposed to receive. It is impossible for you to discuss it. However, you deserve it and you cry with rage. Or, turning white, you swallow your saliva before leaving without saying a word. Or you take it upon yourself to smooth things over.
>>> The advice: allow yourself to be judgmental
Be careful not to repress your emotions too much. You have the right not to be happy, to exist in indignation. You must welcome anger, let it rise. To help you, write down your grievances. Then go see colleagues who will encourage you. "You're right, don't let yourself be pushed around!" In the case of the bonus, make sure you have the support of your N+2 and push yourself to see the N+1: "Come on, I'm going, I'm attacking." Anger is then constructive. It gives you the energy to negotiate or say no.
(1) co-author of "Transform your anger into positive energy", Eyrolles, 2013
Marie-Madeleine Sève.
Published on February 25, 2013
Posted online on April 16, 2013.
Lexpress.fr
