How to Make Yourself Liked!
11 February 2013
Read by 2502 persons
Being liked and appreciated by the people we meet and spend time with. This is a goal that is dear to our hearts, and it's perfectly normal: it's the foundation of social relationships.
In the timeless bestseller How to Win Friends and Influence People (Hachette, 1990), Dale Carnegie gives us 30 keys to being appreciated by those around us. The quality of contact with our entourage is a powerful engine for our success. Whether it's with work colleagues, collaborators, clients, friends, family or spouse, we use these same principles.
1/Three fundamental techniques to influence others:
• If you want to harvest honey, don't disturb the hive: Don't criticize, don't condemn, don't complain.
• The great secret of human relations: Give honest and sincere compliments.
• Whoever is capable has the world with him, whoever is not remains alone: Motivate often to do what you propose.
2/Six ways to gain the sympathy of others:
• To be welcome everywhere: Be genuinely interested in others.
• An easy way to make a good first impression: Smile.
• If you don't observe this principle... too bad for you: Remember that a person's name is of great importance to them.
• Do you want your conversation to be appreciated? It's very easy: Know how to listen. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
• How to interest others: Talk to your interlocutor about what interests them.
• How to please instantly: Make others feel their importance and do it sincerely.
3/Twelve ways to rally others to your point of view:
• What do you gain by arguing?: Avoid controversies to emerge victorious.
• An infallible way to make enemies! How to avoid it?: Respect your interlocutor's opinions. Never tell them they are wrong.
• What to do when you're wrong?: If you're wrong, admit it promptly and energetically.
• It is through the heart that one reaches the mind: Start in a friendly way.
• Socrates' secret: Ask questions that make people say yes immediately to defuse resistance.
• The safety valve: Let your interlocutor speak at their ease.
• To obtain the cooperation of others: Give your interlocutor the pleasure of believing that the idea comes from them.
• A formula to accomplish wonders: Make a sincere effort to see things from your interlocutor's point of view.
• What everyone desires: Welcome the ideas and desires of others with sympathy.
• A call appreciated by all: Appeal to noble feelings.
• Cinema does it, television does it, why not you?: Demonstrate your ideas spectacularly. Strike the eye and the imagination.
• To trigger a reaction: Launch a challenge.
4/Be a leader: nine ways to change other people's attitudes without irritating or offending:
• If you need to correct a mistake, start like this: Start with sincere praise.
• How to correct others without being hated: Point out errors or flaws indirectly.
• Talk about your mistakes first: Mention your mistakes before correcting those of others.
• No one likes to receive orders: Ask questions rather than giving direct orders.
• How to spare your interlocutor's self-esteem: Let your interlocutor save face.
• How to stimulate people: Praise the slightest progress and praise all progress. Do this warmly and generously.
• How to encourage someone to surpass themselves: Give a good reputation to deserve.
• How to encourage progress: Encourage, so that the error seems easy to correct.
• How to motivate: Make others happy to do what you suggest.
Systemic theory in communication
These principles are automatisms, recipes that are applied because they work. But the main ideas, which lie behind these 30 principles, are not numerous. And that's where the systemic approach comes in.
In The Art of Influencing, Analysis of Manipulation Techniques (Armand Colin, 2000), Alex Mucchielli analyzes these main ideas. Alex Mucchielli, professor at Paul Valéry University-Montpellier III, is responsible for the Center for Studies and Research in Information and Communication (CERIC), and has established himself as one of the continuators and developers, at the European level, of the work of the Palo Alto school (with the systemic theory of communication and its approach to communication processes).
Here's how he analyzes Dale Carnegie's principles: All these communications have one main effect, to constitute the other as good, admirable, beautiful and worthy of interest. They put the interlocutor in a position of admiration and superiority compared to the speaker. We therefore recognize the value of the other. This positioning and this identity that we have created towards our interlocutor will in return give value to what we are going to say.
To summarize, what we are going to say is as worthy of interest as the way we behaved with him.
Behind all this lies this terribly obvious notion: A reciprocal relationship can only be established if there is a true exchange. If you want to receive, it is better to give first (anything that brings something to them, even if it is immaterial). A beginning of a relationship between the two of you is then established, and if they want it to last, they will give you in return (what you ask for or what they think will please you). The relationship is then closed, reciprocal.
Basically, for someone to consciously do something, they must decide to do it. And for them to decide to do it, they must think or feel that it brings them something, directly or indirectly. It's as simple as that.
With this main idea, we can find many other recipes that apply this law. When will How to Win Friends and Influence People 2 be released? Perhaps you will write it yourself...
ALEXANDRE DELIVRE
SYSTEMIC STRATEGY
Posted online February 11, 2013
In the timeless bestseller How to Win Friends and Influence People (Hachette, 1990), Dale Carnegie gives us 30 keys to being appreciated by those around us. The quality of contact with our entourage is a powerful engine for our success. Whether it's with work colleagues, collaborators, clients, friends, family or spouse, we use these same principles.
1/Three fundamental techniques to influence others:
• If you want to harvest honey, don't disturb the hive: Don't criticize, don't condemn, don't complain.
• The great secret of human relations: Give honest and sincere compliments.
• Whoever is capable has the world with him, whoever is not remains alone: Motivate often to do what you propose.
2/Six ways to gain the sympathy of others:
• To be welcome everywhere: Be genuinely interested in others.
• An easy way to make a good first impression: Smile.
• If you don't observe this principle... too bad for you: Remember that a person's name is of great importance to them.
• Do you want your conversation to be appreciated? It's very easy: Know how to listen. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
• How to interest others: Talk to your interlocutor about what interests them.
• How to please instantly: Make others feel their importance and do it sincerely.
3/Twelve ways to rally others to your point of view:
• What do you gain by arguing?: Avoid controversies to emerge victorious.
• An infallible way to make enemies! How to avoid it?: Respect your interlocutor's opinions. Never tell them they are wrong.
• What to do when you're wrong?: If you're wrong, admit it promptly and energetically.
• It is through the heart that one reaches the mind: Start in a friendly way.
• Socrates' secret: Ask questions that make people say yes immediately to defuse resistance.
• The safety valve: Let your interlocutor speak at their ease.
• To obtain the cooperation of others: Give your interlocutor the pleasure of believing that the idea comes from them.
• A formula to accomplish wonders: Make a sincere effort to see things from your interlocutor's point of view.
• What everyone desires: Welcome the ideas and desires of others with sympathy.
• A call appreciated by all: Appeal to noble feelings.
• Cinema does it, television does it, why not you?: Demonstrate your ideas spectacularly. Strike the eye and the imagination.
• To trigger a reaction: Launch a challenge.
4/Be a leader: nine ways to change other people's attitudes without irritating or offending:
• If you need to correct a mistake, start like this: Start with sincere praise.
• How to correct others without being hated: Point out errors or flaws indirectly.
• Talk about your mistakes first: Mention your mistakes before correcting those of others.
• No one likes to receive orders: Ask questions rather than giving direct orders.
• How to spare your interlocutor's self-esteem: Let your interlocutor save face.
• How to stimulate people: Praise the slightest progress and praise all progress. Do this warmly and generously.
• How to encourage someone to surpass themselves: Give a good reputation to deserve.
• How to encourage progress: Encourage, so that the error seems easy to correct.
• How to motivate: Make others happy to do what you suggest.
Systemic theory in communication
These principles are automatisms, recipes that are applied because they work. But the main ideas, which lie behind these 30 principles, are not numerous. And that's where the systemic approach comes in.
In The Art of Influencing, Analysis of Manipulation Techniques (Armand Colin, 2000), Alex Mucchielli analyzes these main ideas. Alex Mucchielli, professor at Paul Valéry University-Montpellier III, is responsible for the Center for Studies and Research in Information and Communication (CERIC), and has established himself as one of the continuators and developers, at the European level, of the work of the Palo Alto school (with the systemic theory of communication and its approach to communication processes).
Here's how he analyzes Dale Carnegie's principles: All these communications have one main effect, to constitute the other as good, admirable, beautiful and worthy of interest. They put the interlocutor in a position of admiration and superiority compared to the speaker. We therefore recognize the value of the other. This positioning and this identity that we have created towards our interlocutor will in return give value to what we are going to say.
To summarize, what we are going to say is as worthy of interest as the way we behaved with him.
Behind all this lies this terribly obvious notion: A reciprocal relationship can only be established if there is a true exchange. If you want to receive, it is better to give first (anything that brings something to them, even if it is immaterial). A beginning of a relationship between the two of you is then established, and if they want it to last, they will give you in return (what you ask for or what they think will please you). The relationship is then closed, reciprocal.
Basically, for someone to consciously do something, they must decide to do it. And for them to decide to do it, they must think or feel that it brings them something, directly or indirectly. It's as simple as that.
With this main idea, we can find many other recipes that apply this law. When will How to Win Friends and Influence People 2 be released? Perhaps you will write it yourself...
ALEXANDRE DELIVRE
SYSTEMIC STRATEGY
Posted online February 11, 2013
