How to overcome shyness at work?
5 November 2013
Read by 2656 persons
Sweaty hands, trembling, shortness of breath... Faced with strangers, your boss, your colleagues, you do not dare to express yourself. And that's affecting you at the office. How to get out of it? Advice from Nathalie Bergeron-Duval, trainer and co-creator of Sense for Business.
"Shy people do not dare to take their place, defend their territory, their rights... And often prefer to flee. Several solutions, however, can help them overcome their handicaps, either by putting them at a distance through mental images, or by gently exposing themselves to the dreaded situations. Here are some exercises to practice on five emblematic contexts. Effective, provided you persevere and follow your progress.
1. I'm not comfortable at cocktail parties
Invited to a launch party, you remain stuck with a drink in your hand, isolated, avoiding eye contact. You feel uninteresting. Talking to strangers terrifies you. Icebreaker phrases, about the weather or the quality of the buffet, will be ineffective without warming up. So, get ready beforehand.
Like a 7-year-old child, set yourself small successive challenges. Examples. 1/ Chat with your neighbors. 2/ Ask passers-by for the time. 3/ Say "hello" to bus passengers. 4/ Approach, in the street, two men wearing blue ties, three women dressed in red, etc. A kind of fun "treasure hunt". In the long run, these exercises will give you confidence.
One piece of advice, don't dwell on a failure, start again. And congratulate yourself each time you succeed.
2. I'm terrified of running into the boss in the elevator
There it is, it happened. You are both in this confined space, the time to go up only 5 or 6 floors. Your "Hello" is barely audible. What paralyzes you is the figure of authority, the hieratic and inaccessible side of the "boss".
Does he impress you? You need to debunk the statue. An effective technique is to mentally twist his image in two minutes flat. Have fun! 1/ Visualize this "superior" as a wild animal. How would you tame it? With a gift, words, gestures? This way you eliminate any potential threat. 2/ Dress this high-ranking officer in shorts or ridiculous attire, with flippers and a snorkel. Yes, in private, he's like everyone else.
You will immediately relax and exchanging words will be easy.
3. I don't dare to speak in public
4. I never dare to ask a colleague for help
Every time, your voice trembles. You stammer apologies. It's hard to ask Bruno for a hand. This file is a real puzzle, but you're afraid of disturbing him. You have the uninvited guest syndrome. You need to take your place in the team.
To overcome your inhibitions, tell yourself that you are not just the object of your request. Then, outside the office, face this panic-inducing situation with increasingly challenging challenges. For example, when buying bread, ask your baker to give you change for a 100€ bill, in 5€ and 1€ notes and coins. She will take care of you, the customers will queue, they will get impatient. So what. Do it again with an unknown shopkeeper, it's more difficult. Then try with a 200€ bill, etc. At each stage, encourage yourself.
5. I don't dare to contradict my boss
For him, everything is urgent. And your hours are flexible. But your heart races at the thought of setting limits, for fear of having to deal with a refusal or a conflict. To get out of it, de-dramatize. 1/ Be humorous if you feel like it. You can take sticky notes and write "Stop" on them, then display them on your forehead and arms. You will provoke surprise and discussion. 2/ Create critical situations in everyday life, in order to learn step by step to express dissatisfaction. For example, at a restaurant, change your order at the last minute, send a dish back, discuss the bill, demand to see the manager, etc. The goal is to remain zen and courteous.
In addition, these "no's" must have a real reason. If they are gratuitous, the exercise will not be profitable.
Marie-Madeleine Sève.
Lexpress.fr
Posted online on November 5, 2013.
"Shy people do not dare to take their place, defend their territory, their rights... And often prefer to flee. Several solutions, however, can help them overcome their handicaps, either by putting them at a distance through mental images, or by gently exposing themselves to the dreaded situations. Here are some exercises to practice on five emblematic contexts. Effective, provided you persevere and follow your progress.
1. I'm not comfortable at cocktail parties
Invited to a launch party, you remain stuck with a drink in your hand, isolated, avoiding eye contact. You feel uninteresting. Talking to strangers terrifies you. Icebreaker phrases, about the weather or the quality of the buffet, will be ineffective without warming up. So, get ready beforehand.
Like a 7-year-old child, set yourself small successive challenges. Examples. 1/ Chat with your neighbors. 2/ Ask passers-by for the time. 3/ Say "hello" to bus passengers. 4/ Approach, in the street, two men wearing blue ties, three women dressed in red, etc. A kind of fun "treasure hunt". In the long run, these exercises will give you confidence.
One piece of advice, don't dwell on a failure, start again. And congratulate yourself each time you succeed.
2. I'm terrified of running into the boss in the elevator
There it is, it happened. You are both in this confined space, the time to go up only 5 or 6 floors. Your "Hello" is barely audible. What paralyzes you is the figure of authority, the hieratic and inaccessible side of the "boss".
Does he impress you? You need to debunk the statue. An effective technique is to mentally twist his image in two minutes flat. Have fun! 1/ Visualize this "superior" as a wild animal. How would you tame it? With a gift, words, gestures? This way you eliminate any potential threat. 2/ Dress this high-ranking officer in shorts or ridiculous attire, with flippers and a snorkel. Yes, in private, he's like everyone else.
You will immediately relax and exchanging words will be easy.
3. I don't dare to speak in public
4. I never dare to ask a colleague for help
Every time, your voice trembles. You stammer apologies. It's hard to ask Bruno for a hand. This file is a real puzzle, but you're afraid of disturbing him. You have the uninvited guest syndrome. You need to take your place in the team.
To overcome your inhibitions, tell yourself that you are not just the object of your request. Then, outside the office, face this panic-inducing situation with increasingly challenging challenges. For example, when buying bread, ask your baker to give you change for a 100€ bill, in 5€ and 1€ notes and coins. She will take care of you, the customers will queue, they will get impatient. So what. Do it again with an unknown shopkeeper, it's more difficult. Then try with a 200€ bill, etc. At each stage, encourage yourself.
5. I don't dare to contradict my boss
For him, everything is urgent. And your hours are flexible. But your heart races at the thought of setting limits, for fear of having to deal with a refusal or a conflict. To get out of it, de-dramatize. 1/ Be humorous if you feel like it. You can take sticky notes and write "Stop" on them, then display them on your forehead and arms. You will provoke surprise and discussion. 2/ Create critical situations in everyday life, in order to learn step by step to express dissatisfaction. For example, at a restaurant, change your order at the last minute, send a dish back, discuss the bill, demand to see the manager, etc. The goal is to remain zen and courteous.
In addition, these "no's" must have a real reason. If they are gratuitous, the exercise will not be profitable.
Marie-Madeleine Sève.
Lexpress.fr
Posted online on November 5, 2013.
