Self-Confidence: Women Need to Stop Apologizing All the Time at the Office
10 November 2014
Read by 2244 persons
When you're at work, do you tend to apologize for everything and to everyone, even when you're not at fault?
Stop it! According to journalist Gabrielle Moss, saying "sorry" or "pardon" for anything and everything in the workplace has negative effects on your career.
"Sorry to bother you, I was wondering if...," "Oops! Sorry," "Excuse me, I..." When you're at work, do you usually apologize several times a day to your colleagues, managers, and clients, even when your work isn't at fault? You're not alone.
According to a study published in the journal *Psychological Science* in November 2010, women tend to apologize much more often than men. The reason? Women have a lower threshold of tolerance than their male counterparts regarding offensive behaviors. More easily thinking they have made a mistake or upset their interlocutor, they therefore apologize much more often than men.
This "permanent apology" syndrome also applies to the workplace. Are you behind on a file? You flatly apologize to your superior. Do you need to reschedule a professional appointment? You're mortified. Do you borrow a colleague's stapler? You also ask their forgiveness for this terrible offense. If you recognize yourself in this (barely exaggerated) portrait, know that these repeated apologies don't really smooth things over with your colleagues: they rather denote a lack of self-confidence and harm your relationships at the office.
Too much contrition is bad for your career
This is the observation made by Gabrielle Moss. In an article published on Bustle.com, this American journalist explains how she one day decided to stop apologizing at every turn when she was at work.
"For a long time, I worried about not being intelligent or clever enough to find my place in the professional world, and with this experience, I realized that I was expressing this very feeling to my bosses by constantly apologizing," she recounts on Bustle.com.
And it was only when she made the decision to stop apologizing for a week that she realized the harmful effects that these repeated apologies can have on relationships with others. "I expected tons of derailments or for opportunities requiring me to seriously apologize to arise throughout the week. But in the end, I ended up saying "sorry" three times. [...] Instead of saying I was sorry because the paper I was writing was late, I simply said it would be ready soon. [...] And my boss seemed just as satisfied as he would have been with a lousy apology email. Surprisingly, by avoiding public apology situations, other scenarios proved easier. When I ran into a man who wasn't looking where he was going while walking, we simply exchanged a laconic nod, and we happily went our separate ways. Similar events happened throughout the week, with similar results. No one insulted me. No one was angry with me. None of the things I worried about happened."
Charlotte Arce.
Huffingtonpost.fr
Published October 28, 2014.
Posted online November 10, 2014.
Stop it! According to journalist Gabrielle Moss, saying "sorry" or "pardon" for anything and everything in the workplace has negative effects on your career.
"Sorry to bother you, I was wondering if...," "Oops! Sorry," "Excuse me, I..." When you're at work, do you usually apologize several times a day to your colleagues, managers, and clients, even when your work isn't at fault? You're not alone.
According to a study published in the journal *Psychological Science* in November 2010, women tend to apologize much more often than men. The reason? Women have a lower threshold of tolerance than their male counterparts regarding offensive behaviors. More easily thinking they have made a mistake or upset their interlocutor, they therefore apologize much more often than men.
This "permanent apology" syndrome also applies to the workplace. Are you behind on a file? You flatly apologize to your superior. Do you need to reschedule a professional appointment? You're mortified. Do you borrow a colleague's stapler? You also ask their forgiveness for this terrible offense. If you recognize yourself in this (barely exaggerated) portrait, know that these repeated apologies don't really smooth things over with your colleagues: they rather denote a lack of self-confidence and harm your relationships at the office.
Too much contrition is bad for your career
This is the observation made by Gabrielle Moss. In an article published on Bustle.com, this American journalist explains how she one day decided to stop apologizing at every turn when she was at work.
"For a long time, I worried about not being intelligent or clever enough to find my place in the professional world, and with this experience, I realized that I was expressing this very feeling to my bosses by constantly apologizing," she recounts on Bustle.com.
And it was only when she made the decision to stop apologizing for a week that she realized the harmful effects that these repeated apologies can have on relationships with others. "I expected tons of derailments or for opportunities requiring me to seriously apologize to arise throughout the week. But in the end, I ended up saying "sorry" three times. [...] Instead of saying I was sorry because the paper I was writing was late, I simply said it would be ready soon. [...] And my boss seemed just as satisfied as he would have been with a lousy apology email. Surprisingly, by avoiding public apology situations, other scenarios proved easier. When I ran into a man who wasn't looking where he was going while walking, we simply exchanged a laconic nod, and we happily went our separate ways. Similar events happened throughout the week, with similar results. No one insulted me. No one was angry with me. None of the things I worried about happened."
Charlotte Arce.
Huffingtonpost.fr
Published October 28, 2014.
Posted online November 10, 2014.
