Office Troubles... How to Cope?
7 April 2009
Read by 2273 persons
Even at work, human relationships can deteriorate. It starts with a misunderstanding, a few missteps... and ends with a stalemate, tension, or even real suffering! How to avoid getting to that point? Real-life stories and professional advice.
Bad atmosphere, instructions for use
What to do when the atmosphere turns sour at work? 4 young, recently hired graduates tell us about their misadventures; a coach* gives them advice. Goal: learn to avoid delicate situations by setting limits in time.
"My boss controls everything I do"
Caroline, 25, Marketing Manager
"Probably because of my past experiences where I lacked feedback on my work, I contacted the director a lot when I started this position. Then, over time, I wanted to become a little more independent. She didn't like this change in behavior. Now, she constantly checks up on me to verify everything. This lack of trust has become increasingly heavy. I've lost all motivation."
• Sandrine Weisz*'s advice: Caroline needs to gain her independence
Why is this happening? Caroline is faced with a perfectionist and anxious boss. Her management style leaves little room for delegation and responsibility. It's highly likely that she behaves the same way with her entire team. And if the company operates on this management principle, there's no point in trying to change things...
What to do? It may be helpful to discuss this with colleagues to find out how they handle it. And Caroline needs to tell her boss that she needs her feedback to improve, but that she prefers to finish her work before submitting it. It's not by refusing her advice that she can hope to gain some autonomy. It's quite the opposite!
"Since I stopped sacrificing my private life for work, nothing's been right"
Florence, 24, Accountant
"At first, I gave it my all at work. I never got home before 9 pm and almost every other weekend I took work home. I had no life outside of work... but I didn't mind since I was single. Then I met someone. Now I regularly get comments. To hear them, I never do enough. It's undermining me. Wherever I am, at home or at work, I feel guilty."
• Sandrine Weisz's advice: Learn to say no, with arguments
Why is this happening? Not wanting to say no for fear of being judged badly is a common attitude among young people... it's a mistake. Of course, a manager wants involved employees who can last! In this story, both are losers.
What to do? Florence needs to explain to her boss why she has to refuse or postpone certain tasks that are given to her, without failing to give reasons. Not with personal reasons - "I can't because I'm going away for the weekend with my boyfriend" - but purely professional ones - "I estimate the work that has already been given to me at 8 hours. I can't do more today.". And if, from time to time, she agrees to finish later in the evening or work on the weekend, she should especially mention that it remains an exception. Reconciling private and professional life: a whole art that is learned with experience!
"My colleague is making advances towards me"
Estelle, 23, Sales Representative
"I immediately wanted to bond with the salespeople on my team. It was important for me to show that I was integrated and accepted. Except that one of them thought I was flirting with him! Not only did he allow himself inappropriate gestures and attitudes, but he also did the worst things to me. A few weeks ago, I finally decided to talk to him, it only made things worse. I don't know what to do anymore and I'm strongly considering resigning."
• Sandrine Weisz's advice: Put him in his place... tactfully!
Why is this happening? Estelle says it herself: she wanted to bond quickly. However, integrating a team takes time. She should have allowed herself an observation period before becoming friendly. She might then have realized that with this person, her attitude might be misinterpreted. This thirst for integration is, for me, a typical youthful flaw. When you haven't yet acquired all the professional skills, you tend to give a lot of importance to relationships.
What to do? To prevent the situation from worsening, Estelle should be formal, for example, favor "we" over "you" to avoid giving the impression of judging. Instead of "I don't want you to allow yourself familiar gestures towards me", it's better to say, "I don't want our relationship to be too familiar". It's less offensive to the other person.
"The systematic belittling of my work made me sick"
Karine, 25, Communications Officer
"My boss constantly makes reproaches and demeaning remarks, even in front of my colleagues. He never considers my efforts or what works well. This constant belittling of my work made me lose all confidence in myself, in the way of "Is it not me who has a problem?" A few months ago, I was hospitalized for an ulcer. A colleague made him understand that he had a share of responsibility in this sick leave. His behavior towards me changed, then it started again. Yet, I don't dare to confront him. He intimidates and impresses me."
• Sandrine Weisz's advice: Recadre as quickly as possible
Why is this happening? Karine thinks she has a problem, when it's clearly her boss! He tries to assert himself by belittling her work. She should have reacted immediately, and she let herself be trapped in a power relationship that has become habitual. Even today, she doesn't dare to talk to him, even though she knows that her health problems are partly due to this.
What to do? First, ask for a re-framing interview. She must tell him that she can no longer function this way and clearly set limits. It's up to her - and her alone - to express her feelings about his behavior, remembering to be as factual as possible. A frank discussion is sometimes enough to break the deadlock. But if nothing changes, she will have to refer to her N+2.
* Sandrine Weisz has been an HR consultant for 10 years. She runs corporate training seminars and teaches at the IEP de Paris on the theme "Conflict and negotiation". She is the author of "Managing Difficult Personalities at Work", published by Maxima.
Resolving a conflict situation at work
4 tips to limit the damage
1. Don't stay in your corner brooding over your problems. You have to try to talk and express yourself. Conflicts get worse when they are ignored.
2. Call on a coach. If colleagues can be a good support by helping you analyze the situation and see how to do things differently, a coach provides an outside perspective and allows you to take a step back by asking the right questions. It will allow you to face the situation factually and without judgment.
3. Don't get trapped in a negative attitude. To avoid losing confidence in yourself, you need to practice spotting the little things that make you happy: a good contact with a client, a new project to launch...
4. Learn to put things in perspective... and breathe. A sport activity, for example, can help you relax and avoid unnecessary aggression.
Posted on April 6, 2009
apec.fr
Bad atmosphere, instructions for use
What to do when the atmosphere turns sour at work? 4 young, recently hired graduates tell us about their misadventures; a coach* gives them advice. Goal: learn to avoid delicate situations by setting limits in time.
"My boss controls everything I do"
Caroline, 25, Marketing Manager
"Probably because of my past experiences where I lacked feedback on my work, I contacted the director a lot when I started this position. Then, over time, I wanted to become a little more independent. She didn't like this change in behavior. Now, she constantly checks up on me to verify everything. This lack of trust has become increasingly heavy. I've lost all motivation."
• Sandrine Weisz*'s advice: Caroline needs to gain her independence
Why is this happening? Caroline is faced with a perfectionist and anxious boss. Her management style leaves little room for delegation and responsibility. It's highly likely that she behaves the same way with her entire team. And if the company operates on this management principle, there's no point in trying to change things...
What to do? It may be helpful to discuss this with colleagues to find out how they handle it. And Caroline needs to tell her boss that she needs her feedback to improve, but that she prefers to finish her work before submitting it. It's not by refusing her advice that she can hope to gain some autonomy. It's quite the opposite!
"Since I stopped sacrificing my private life for work, nothing's been right"
Florence, 24, Accountant
"At first, I gave it my all at work. I never got home before 9 pm and almost every other weekend I took work home. I had no life outside of work... but I didn't mind since I was single. Then I met someone. Now I regularly get comments. To hear them, I never do enough. It's undermining me. Wherever I am, at home or at work, I feel guilty."
• Sandrine Weisz's advice: Learn to say no, with arguments
Why is this happening? Not wanting to say no for fear of being judged badly is a common attitude among young people... it's a mistake. Of course, a manager wants involved employees who can last! In this story, both are losers.
What to do? Florence needs to explain to her boss why she has to refuse or postpone certain tasks that are given to her, without failing to give reasons. Not with personal reasons - "I can't because I'm going away for the weekend with my boyfriend" - but purely professional ones - "I estimate the work that has already been given to me at 8 hours. I can't do more today.". And if, from time to time, she agrees to finish later in the evening or work on the weekend, she should especially mention that it remains an exception. Reconciling private and professional life: a whole art that is learned with experience!
"My colleague is making advances towards me"
Estelle, 23, Sales Representative
"I immediately wanted to bond with the salespeople on my team. It was important for me to show that I was integrated and accepted. Except that one of them thought I was flirting with him! Not only did he allow himself inappropriate gestures and attitudes, but he also did the worst things to me. A few weeks ago, I finally decided to talk to him, it only made things worse. I don't know what to do anymore and I'm strongly considering resigning."
• Sandrine Weisz's advice: Put him in his place... tactfully!
Why is this happening? Estelle says it herself: she wanted to bond quickly. However, integrating a team takes time. She should have allowed herself an observation period before becoming friendly. She might then have realized that with this person, her attitude might be misinterpreted. This thirst for integration is, for me, a typical youthful flaw. When you haven't yet acquired all the professional skills, you tend to give a lot of importance to relationships.
What to do? To prevent the situation from worsening, Estelle should be formal, for example, favor "we" over "you" to avoid giving the impression of judging. Instead of "I don't want you to allow yourself familiar gestures towards me", it's better to say, "I don't want our relationship to be too familiar". It's less offensive to the other person.
"The systematic belittling of my work made me sick"
Karine, 25, Communications Officer
"My boss constantly makes reproaches and demeaning remarks, even in front of my colleagues. He never considers my efforts or what works well. This constant belittling of my work made me lose all confidence in myself, in the way of "Is it not me who has a problem?" A few months ago, I was hospitalized for an ulcer. A colleague made him understand that he had a share of responsibility in this sick leave. His behavior towards me changed, then it started again. Yet, I don't dare to confront him. He intimidates and impresses me."
• Sandrine Weisz's advice: Recadre as quickly as possible
Why is this happening? Karine thinks she has a problem, when it's clearly her boss! He tries to assert himself by belittling her work. She should have reacted immediately, and she let herself be trapped in a power relationship that has become habitual. Even today, she doesn't dare to talk to him, even though she knows that her health problems are partly due to this.
What to do? First, ask for a re-framing interview. She must tell him that she can no longer function this way and clearly set limits. It's up to her - and her alone - to express her feelings about his behavior, remembering to be as factual as possible. A frank discussion is sometimes enough to break the deadlock. But if nothing changes, she will have to refer to her N+2.
* Sandrine Weisz has been an HR consultant for 10 years. She runs corporate training seminars and teaches at the IEP de Paris on the theme "Conflict and negotiation". She is the author of "Managing Difficult Personalities at Work", published by Maxima.
Resolving a conflict situation at work
4 tips to limit the damage
1. Don't stay in your corner brooding over your problems. You have to try to talk and express yourself. Conflicts get worse when they are ignored.
2. Call on a coach. If colleagues can be a good support by helping you analyze the situation and see how to do things differently, a coach provides an outside perspective and allows you to take a step back by asking the right questions. It will allow you to face the situation factually and without judgment.
3. Don't get trapped in a negative attitude. To avoid losing confidence in yourself, you need to practice spotting the little things that make you happy: a good contact with a client, a new project to launch...
4. Learn to put things in perspective... and breathe. A sport activity, for example, can help you relax and avoid unnecessary aggression.
Posted on April 6, 2009
apec.fr
