Jealousy at Work: An Emotion to Fight
24 October 2011
Read by 1552 persons
Hostility, demotivation, turnover... Life can quickly become hell for both the envied and the envious. Here are some ways to get rid of this nasty flaw.
Working with friends doesn't prevent ego conflicts. Four people in their forties learned this the hard way. When they partnered to create their consulting firm, one of them quickly accused the most qualified of taking the most rewarding assignments. No matter how much the latter defended himself, the atmosphere became heavy. They stopped talking to each other and the young company collapsed, undermined by jealousy.
"The company proves to be fertile ground for this complex feeling," observes Benedicte Vidaillet, a lecturer in the psychosociology of organizations. "Largely because each employee is compared to others." While we can't prevent jealousy from arising, we can lessen its harmful effects. "Or even transform this emotion into a springboard, use it to bounce back and surpass oneself," adds coach Bernard Leblanc-Halmos. In any case, learn to no longer suffer from jealousy, whether you are the envious or the envied.
Protect Yourself Against Enviousness
You've finally been promoted, but you don't have much time to rejoice: for a few days, a colleague who coveted the position has been giving you the evil eye. "To avoid stirring up resentment, keep a low profile," recommends Frederic Rey-Millet, president of Ethi-Konsulting. "When the situation is tense, it's best to avoid celebrating your promotion." This modesty may not be enough to calm the hostilities. "Disappointment can be expressed through coldness, barbs, or attempts at sabotage, such as the disappearance of one of your files," warns Ricardo Croati, director of France Training.
If the situation persists, talk to your colleague without acting like an accuser. Use phrases such as "I have the impression that something is not right..." to open a dialogue. "If that doesn't work, talk to your superior," advises Frederic Rey-Millet. "Give him factual information so that he doesn't get the impression that you're using him to settle your scores." It will be up to him to reprimand your envious colleague.
You may find yourself in the opposite situation. This was the case for Beatrice Heraud, then a writer at Editialis, a communication company. Regularly praised by her management, she thought she would be promoted, until she learned that her colleague had inherited the position. "At first I felt a great injustice. My involvement was strong: for example, it was always me who represented the company at professional evenings." The misunderstanding turning into resentment, she spoke to her boss and then to HR, without getting a satisfactory answer. So she resigned.
But not everyone can or wants to leave. It is then necessary to fight against self-deprecation and take a step back: some decisions are simply not rational. "However, there's no question of falling into fatalism," says Jean-Louis Fel, founder of Vakom and author of "Feeling Good in Your Skin Without Wanting That of Others" (Dunod). "Try, for example, to convince your manager to entrust you with new responsibilities or new projects."
Turn Your Resentment into Strength
You systematically get the least prestigious clients, while the strategic accounts are entrusted to your young colleague with bonuses and congratulations to boot. "Don't lock yourself into this frustration that will prematurely wear you out," explains Frederic Rey-Millet. "Ask your manager why you aren't allowed to handle complex files, when that's all you want."
A turning point can also help you get out of this sterile jealousy. Mathieu, creative director at an advertising agency, didn't understand why one of his peers, who arrived long after him in the company, always had the most interesting budgets. He brooded over the situation, criticized his colleague... His partner, tired of hearing him complain, encouraged him to change his attitude. "Some time later, we were put in competition for a call for tenders for the design of the Gauloises cigarette graphic charter," recalls the young man. "A big budget. I was stung and I worked like a madman. My proposal was chosen and, since then, I have more latitude in choosing files." Moral: instead of playing the victim, use your resentment as a driving force to prove your worth.
Protect Yourself From the War of the Chiefs
When a trench war breaks out between two department heads, the victims are always the teams. Cooperation then becomes impossible and performance begins to drop. Not to mention the deleterious climate that sets in. Again, it is necessary to react. "When it comes to a hierarchical superior, the question is delicate," admits Jean-Louis Muller. "If you have a good relationship with him, be courageous. Tell him that you need him to be more present, but to avoid upsetting him, don't openly mention the jealousy he seems to feel."
If you don't want to find yourself in the front line, you can consider talking to him as a group, as the employees of a Cegetel sales agency did. Their boss was obsessed with the reports of other agency managers with the general manager. He was on the lookout for the slightest compliment, monitoring their performance... To the point of neglecting his team. Result: his unit had the worst figures in the region. It was enough for him to refocus on his role as a manager for his agency to regain the top of the ranking in a few months.
Confront Your Accusers
No matter how discreet you are, nothing works: you attract attention. While an attractive physique can help professionally, be aware that it can also become a handicap when it arouses jealousy. A person who exudes energy and vitality can worry others, who are less comfortable in their own skin. Charlotte Collonge, a pretty 30-year-old brunette, experienced this when she held the position of communication manager at Efma (a center for observing banking professions). "Several female employees, with whom I had excellent relationships, took advantage of a meeting with the CEO to criticize me, saying that I arrived late, that I was not very conscientious..." Incredulous, the young woman decided to confront them. While two denied it, the third admitted that her beauty "bothered" her.
"In this type of case, you should absolutely not question yourself; it is important to react firmly," advises Jean-Louis Fel, from Vakom. "Explain to the envious person that their venomous remarks are unfair and hurtful. There's a good chance that they will feel guilty and stop their destabilization operation." It's up to you to dare to protest: after all, it's better to be beautiful and rebellious!
Gaelle Renouvel
Capital.fr
Published September 9, 2011.
Posted online October 24, 2011.
Working with friends doesn't prevent ego conflicts. Four people in their forties learned this the hard way. When they partnered to create their consulting firm, one of them quickly accused the most qualified of taking the most rewarding assignments. No matter how much the latter defended himself, the atmosphere became heavy. They stopped talking to each other and the young company collapsed, undermined by jealousy.
"The company proves to be fertile ground for this complex feeling," observes Benedicte Vidaillet, a lecturer in the psychosociology of organizations. "Largely because each employee is compared to others." While we can't prevent jealousy from arising, we can lessen its harmful effects. "Or even transform this emotion into a springboard, use it to bounce back and surpass oneself," adds coach Bernard Leblanc-Halmos. In any case, learn to no longer suffer from jealousy, whether you are the envious or the envied.
Protect Yourself Against Enviousness
You've finally been promoted, but you don't have much time to rejoice: for a few days, a colleague who coveted the position has been giving you the evil eye. "To avoid stirring up resentment, keep a low profile," recommends Frederic Rey-Millet, president of Ethi-Konsulting. "When the situation is tense, it's best to avoid celebrating your promotion." This modesty may not be enough to calm the hostilities. "Disappointment can be expressed through coldness, barbs, or attempts at sabotage, such as the disappearance of one of your files," warns Ricardo Croati, director of France Training.
If the situation persists, talk to your colleague without acting like an accuser. Use phrases such as "I have the impression that something is not right..." to open a dialogue. "If that doesn't work, talk to your superior," advises Frederic Rey-Millet. "Give him factual information so that he doesn't get the impression that you're using him to settle your scores." It will be up to him to reprimand your envious colleague.
You may find yourself in the opposite situation. This was the case for Beatrice Heraud, then a writer at Editialis, a communication company. Regularly praised by her management, she thought she would be promoted, until she learned that her colleague had inherited the position. "At first I felt a great injustice. My involvement was strong: for example, it was always me who represented the company at professional evenings." The misunderstanding turning into resentment, she spoke to her boss and then to HR, without getting a satisfactory answer. So she resigned.
But not everyone can or wants to leave. It is then necessary to fight against self-deprecation and take a step back: some decisions are simply not rational. "However, there's no question of falling into fatalism," says Jean-Louis Fel, founder of Vakom and author of "Feeling Good in Your Skin Without Wanting That of Others" (Dunod). "Try, for example, to convince your manager to entrust you with new responsibilities or new projects."
Turn Your Resentment into Strength
You systematically get the least prestigious clients, while the strategic accounts are entrusted to your young colleague with bonuses and congratulations to boot. "Don't lock yourself into this frustration that will prematurely wear you out," explains Frederic Rey-Millet. "Ask your manager why you aren't allowed to handle complex files, when that's all you want."
A turning point can also help you get out of this sterile jealousy. Mathieu, creative director at an advertising agency, didn't understand why one of his peers, who arrived long after him in the company, always had the most interesting budgets. He brooded over the situation, criticized his colleague... His partner, tired of hearing him complain, encouraged him to change his attitude. "Some time later, we were put in competition for a call for tenders for the design of the Gauloises cigarette graphic charter," recalls the young man. "A big budget. I was stung and I worked like a madman. My proposal was chosen and, since then, I have more latitude in choosing files." Moral: instead of playing the victim, use your resentment as a driving force to prove your worth.
Protect Yourself From the War of the Chiefs
When a trench war breaks out between two department heads, the victims are always the teams. Cooperation then becomes impossible and performance begins to drop. Not to mention the deleterious climate that sets in. Again, it is necessary to react. "When it comes to a hierarchical superior, the question is delicate," admits Jean-Louis Muller. "If you have a good relationship with him, be courageous. Tell him that you need him to be more present, but to avoid upsetting him, don't openly mention the jealousy he seems to feel."
If you don't want to find yourself in the front line, you can consider talking to him as a group, as the employees of a Cegetel sales agency did. Their boss was obsessed with the reports of other agency managers with the general manager. He was on the lookout for the slightest compliment, monitoring their performance... To the point of neglecting his team. Result: his unit had the worst figures in the region. It was enough for him to refocus on his role as a manager for his agency to regain the top of the ranking in a few months.
Confront Your Accusers
No matter how discreet you are, nothing works: you attract attention. While an attractive physique can help professionally, be aware that it can also become a handicap when it arouses jealousy. A person who exudes energy and vitality can worry others, who are less comfortable in their own skin. Charlotte Collonge, a pretty 30-year-old brunette, experienced this when she held the position of communication manager at Efma (a center for observing banking professions). "Several female employees, with whom I had excellent relationships, took advantage of a meeting with the CEO to criticize me, saying that I arrived late, that I was not very conscientious..." Incredulous, the young woman decided to confront them. While two denied it, the third admitted that her beauty "bothered" her.
"In this type of case, you should absolutely not question yourself; it is important to react firmly," advises Jean-Louis Fel, from Vakom. "Explain to the envious person that their venomous remarks are unfair and hurtful. There's a good chance that they will feel guilty and stop their destabilization operation." It's up to you to dare to protest: after all, it's better to be beautiful and rebellious!
Gaelle Renouvel
Capital.fr
Published September 9, 2011.
Posted online October 24, 2011.
