Jealousy at Work: An Emotion to Fight
20 November 2012
Read by 1569 persons
Hostility, demotivation, turnover... Life can quickly become hell for both the envied and the envious. Here's how to get rid of this bad habit.
Working with friends doesn't prevent ego conflicts. Four forty-year-olds learned this the hard way. When they partnered to create their consulting firm, one quickly accused the most qualified of taking the most rewarding assignments. Even though the latter defended himself, the atmosphere became tense. They stopped talking to each other, and the young company collapsed, undermined by jealousy.
"The company proves to be fertile ground for this complex feeling," observes Bénédicte Vidaillet, senior lecturer in organizational psychosociology. "Largely because each employee is compared to others." While we can't prevent jealousy from arising, we can lessen its harmful effects. "Or even transform this emotion into a springboard, use it to bounce back and surpass oneself," adds coach Bernard Leblanc-Halmos. In any case, learn to no longer suffer from jealousy, whether you are the envious or the envied.
Protect Yourself from Envy
You've finally been promoted, but you don't have much time to celebrate: for a few days, a colleague who coveted the position has been giving you the cold shoulder. "To avoid fueling resentment, keep a low profile," recommends Frédéric Rey-Millet, president of Ethi-Konsulting. "When the situation is tense, it's best to avoid celebrating your promotion." This modesty may not be enough to calm hostilities. "Disappointment can be expressed through coldness, barbs, or sabotage attempts, such as the disappearance of one of your files," warns Ricardo Croati, director of France Training.
If the situation persists, talk to your colleague without accusing them. Use phrases like, "I have the feeling that something is not right..." to open a dialogue. "If that doesn't work, talk to your supervisor," advises Frédéric Rey-Millet. "Give them factual information so they don't feel like you're using them to settle scores." It will be up to them to reprimand your envious colleague.
You may find yourself in the opposite situation. This was the case for Béatrice Héraud, then a writer at Editialis, a communication company. Regularly praised by her management, she thought she would be promoted, until she learned that her colleague inherited the position. "At first, I felt a great injustice. My involvement was strong: for example, it was always me who represented the company at professional events." The misunderstanding turning into resentment, she spoke to her boss and then HR, without getting a satisfactory answer. So she resigned.
But not everyone can or wants to leave. Then you have to fight against self-deprecation and take a step back: some decisions are simply not rational. "However, there's no question of falling into fatalism," nuances Jean-Louis Fel, founder of Vakom and author of "Comfortable in your skin without wanting that of others" (Dunod). "Try, for example, to convince your manager to give you new responsibilities or new projects."
Turn Your Resentment into Strength
You systematically get the least prestigious clients, while strategic accounts are entrusted to your young colleague with bonuses and congratulations to boot. "Don't get stuck in this frustration that will wear you out prematurely," explains Frédéric Rey-Millet. "Ask your manager why you're not allowed to handle complex files, when that's all you want."
A turning point can also help you get out of this sterile jealousy. Mathieu, creative director at an advertising agency, didn't understand why one of his peers, who arrived well after him in the company, always got the most interesting budgets. He brooded over the situation, criticized his colleague... His partner, tired of hearing him complain, encouraged him to change his attitude. "Some time later, we were put in competition for a tender for the design of the Gauloise cigarette graphic charter," recalls the young man. "A big budget. I was stung and worked like a madman. My proposal was accepted, and since then I have more latitude in choosing files." Moral: instead of playing the victim, use your resentment as a driving force to prove your worth.
Protect Yourself from Turf Wars
When a trench war breaks out between two department heads, the teams are always the victims. Cooperation then becomes impossible, and performance drops. Not to mention the deleterious climate that sets in. Here again, you need to react. "When it comes to a hierarchical superior, the question is delicate," admits Jean-Louis Muller. "If you have a good relationship with them, be brave. Tell them you need them to be more present, but to avoid upsetting them, don't openly mention the jealousy they seem to be feeling."
If you don't want to be on the front line, you can consider talking to them as a group, as the employees of a Cegetel sales agency did. Their boss was obsessed with the reports of other agency managers with the general manager. He was on the lookout for the slightest compliment, monitored their performance... To the point of neglecting his team. Result: his unit had the worst figures in the region. It was enough for him to refocus on his role as manager for his agency to regain the top of the rankings in a few months.
Confront Your Accusers
No matter how discreet you are, nothing works: you attract attention. While an attractive appearance can help professionally, it can also become a handicap when it causes jealousy. A person who radiates energy and vitality can worry others who are less comfortable in their skin. Charlotte Collonge, a pretty 30-year-old brunette, experienced this when she held the position of communication manager at Efma (center for observing banking professions). "Several female employees, with whom I nevertheless had excellent relationships, took advantage of a meeting with the CEO to criticize me, saying that I arrived late, that I was not conscientious..." Incredulous, the young woman decided to confront them. While two denied it, the third admitted that her beauty "bothered" her.
"In this type of case, you should absolutely not question yourself; it is important to react firmly," advises Jean-Louis Fel of Vakom. "Explain to the envious person that their spiteful remarks are unfair and hurtful. There's a good chance they will feel guilty and stop their destabilization operation." It's up to you to dare to protest: after all, it's better to be beautiful and rebellious!
Gaëlle Renouvel
Capital.fr
Posted online November 20, 2012.
Working with friends doesn't prevent ego conflicts. Four forty-year-olds learned this the hard way. When they partnered to create their consulting firm, one quickly accused the most qualified of taking the most rewarding assignments. Even though the latter defended himself, the atmosphere became tense. They stopped talking to each other, and the young company collapsed, undermined by jealousy.
"The company proves to be fertile ground for this complex feeling," observes Bénédicte Vidaillet, senior lecturer in organizational psychosociology. "Largely because each employee is compared to others." While we can't prevent jealousy from arising, we can lessen its harmful effects. "Or even transform this emotion into a springboard, use it to bounce back and surpass oneself," adds coach Bernard Leblanc-Halmos. In any case, learn to no longer suffer from jealousy, whether you are the envious or the envied.
Protect Yourself from Envy
You've finally been promoted, but you don't have much time to celebrate: for a few days, a colleague who coveted the position has been giving you the cold shoulder. "To avoid fueling resentment, keep a low profile," recommends Frédéric Rey-Millet, president of Ethi-Konsulting. "When the situation is tense, it's best to avoid celebrating your promotion." This modesty may not be enough to calm hostilities. "Disappointment can be expressed through coldness, barbs, or sabotage attempts, such as the disappearance of one of your files," warns Ricardo Croati, director of France Training.
If the situation persists, talk to your colleague without accusing them. Use phrases like, "I have the feeling that something is not right..." to open a dialogue. "If that doesn't work, talk to your supervisor," advises Frédéric Rey-Millet. "Give them factual information so they don't feel like you're using them to settle scores." It will be up to them to reprimand your envious colleague.
You may find yourself in the opposite situation. This was the case for Béatrice Héraud, then a writer at Editialis, a communication company. Regularly praised by her management, she thought she would be promoted, until she learned that her colleague inherited the position. "At first, I felt a great injustice. My involvement was strong: for example, it was always me who represented the company at professional events." The misunderstanding turning into resentment, she spoke to her boss and then HR, without getting a satisfactory answer. So she resigned.
But not everyone can or wants to leave. Then you have to fight against self-deprecation and take a step back: some decisions are simply not rational. "However, there's no question of falling into fatalism," nuances Jean-Louis Fel, founder of Vakom and author of "Comfortable in your skin without wanting that of others" (Dunod). "Try, for example, to convince your manager to give you new responsibilities or new projects."
Turn Your Resentment into Strength
You systematically get the least prestigious clients, while strategic accounts are entrusted to your young colleague with bonuses and congratulations to boot. "Don't get stuck in this frustration that will wear you out prematurely," explains Frédéric Rey-Millet. "Ask your manager why you're not allowed to handle complex files, when that's all you want."
A turning point can also help you get out of this sterile jealousy. Mathieu, creative director at an advertising agency, didn't understand why one of his peers, who arrived well after him in the company, always got the most interesting budgets. He brooded over the situation, criticized his colleague... His partner, tired of hearing him complain, encouraged him to change his attitude. "Some time later, we were put in competition for a tender for the design of the Gauloise cigarette graphic charter," recalls the young man. "A big budget. I was stung and worked like a madman. My proposal was accepted, and since then I have more latitude in choosing files." Moral: instead of playing the victim, use your resentment as a driving force to prove your worth.
Protect Yourself from Turf Wars
When a trench war breaks out between two department heads, the teams are always the victims. Cooperation then becomes impossible, and performance drops. Not to mention the deleterious climate that sets in. Here again, you need to react. "When it comes to a hierarchical superior, the question is delicate," admits Jean-Louis Muller. "If you have a good relationship with them, be brave. Tell them you need them to be more present, but to avoid upsetting them, don't openly mention the jealousy they seem to be feeling."
If you don't want to be on the front line, you can consider talking to them as a group, as the employees of a Cegetel sales agency did. Their boss was obsessed with the reports of other agency managers with the general manager. He was on the lookout for the slightest compliment, monitored their performance... To the point of neglecting his team. Result: his unit had the worst figures in the region. It was enough for him to refocus on his role as manager for his agency to regain the top of the rankings in a few months.
Confront Your Accusers
No matter how discreet you are, nothing works: you attract attention. While an attractive appearance can help professionally, it can also become a handicap when it causes jealousy. A person who radiates energy and vitality can worry others who are less comfortable in their skin. Charlotte Collonge, a pretty 30-year-old brunette, experienced this when she held the position of communication manager at Efma (center for observing banking professions). "Several female employees, with whom I nevertheless had excellent relationships, took advantage of a meeting with the CEO to criticize me, saying that I arrived late, that I was not conscientious..." Incredulous, the young woman decided to confront them. While two denied it, the third admitted that her beauty "bothered" her.
"In this type of case, you should absolutely not question yourself; it is important to react firmly," advises Jean-Louis Fel of Vakom. "Explain to the envious person that their spiteful remarks are unfair and hurtful. There's a good chance they will feel guilty and stop their destabilization operation." It's up to you to dare to protest: after all, it's better to be beautiful and rebellious!
Gaëlle Renouvel
Capital.fr
Posted online November 20, 2012.
