Dare to Laugh at Work to Relieve Tension
26 October 2010
Read by 1540 persons
Nothing like a good laugh to defuse an explosive situation at work. But humor, while a powerful outlet, can also be a double-edged sword that must be handled with caution in work relationships. Instructions for use.
"Send me the documentation," barks this prospect to consultant Franck Fiszel, to get rid of him on the phone. "I suggest I throw it in the trash myself to save on postage," replies the founder of the Coach Europ firm. A cheeky bit of humor, but after all, the consultant had little to lose. The exchange ends in laughter. And Franck Fiszel finally got his appointment the following month.
Laughter is still the best way to combat stress and frustration. But here's the thing: doctors agree that we laugh less than before. "One to two minutes a day, compared to twenty minutes in the 1930s," estimates neurologist Henri Rubinstein, author of "Psychosomatique du rire" (Robert Laffont). While this ultra-precise count is perplexing, it does betray a growing gloom.
Faced with an irritable client, an abusive boss, or difficult colleagues, it is urgent to relearn how to use wit to defuse situations. "Regarding humor, Freud speaks of a true strategy against adversity," recalls Luc de Brabandère, associate director of the Boston Consulting Group and author of "Petite philosophie des histoires drôles" (Eyrolles). Being able to joke about a difficulty shows that one is serene and in control of the situation. As demonstrated by this anecdote about Robert-François Damiens, the man who attempted to assassinate Louis XV. Upon hearing the terrible sentence that awaited him (he was condemned to be flayed alive, his wounds burned before being quartered), he made this superb comment: "It's going to be a tough day." Discover the physical mechanisms by which laughter acts on stress and how to make it happen when the atmosphere is tense.
A universal and sovereign remedy against physical tension
Did you know that a long, hearty laugh has the same relaxing effect as a gymnastics or yoga exercise? It is your body that benefits first. A good burst of laughter may not guarantee a flat stomach, but it undeniably works your abdominal muscles and many other parts of the body. This muscular activity is also beneficial for digestion, as it massages the abdomen and gallbladder. The arteries relax, improving blood circulation and promoting heart irrigation. The lungs also benefit from an influx of air four times greater than normal, which helps fight infections.
Finally, the body secretes more painkillers and anti-anxiety substances (neurotransmitters). Notably endorphins, hormones similar to natural morphine. "If we make children in intensive care laugh daily, we manage to reduce their analgesic consumption by 30%," says Dr. Henri Rubinstein. The production of serotonin and dopamine, responsible for mood regulation and movement coordination, is also accelerated. This list of benefits should obviously not encourage you to play the fool at all costs and become the office comedian. But, used with finesse and discernment, humor in the workplace can be a sovereign weapon against stress.
Precautions to take to always remain credible
Nathalie Roos, President Europe of Mars, is not easily intimidated. Yet that's the effect produced on her by the woman who arrives in her office that morning. "It was Nathalie Mesny, then commercial director of Carrefour. A tall, beautiful, and cold woman." To break the ice, Nathalie Roos suggests they go for coffee. On the way, she says with a knowing look: "You're from 1964?" Impassive face of the person concerned: "Why are you telling me that?" Ms. Mars tries to recover: "You know... Gilbert Bécaud's song... It's from 1964. All the Nathalies were born that year..." Total failure. Ms. Carrefour will not crack all day. "Attacking a woman I didn't know about her age was probably not a good idea...," Nathalie Roos admits today.
The "opening joke," that little joke designed to break the ice right away, is more the domain of Americans. In France, it's better to test the waters first. Your credibility is at stake: your interlocutor may see you not as someone relaxed, but as a joker to be wary of. "Humor is practiced once you have gained trust. The reverse is more delicate," confirms coach Lionel Bellenger, author of "Rire et faire rire" (ESF Editeur).
This is particularly true with regard to your hierarchy. Before allowing yourself to joke with your superior, wait until they have given you the green light, explicitly or not. But remember that the ground is always potentially mined. As a sales manager at Tetra Pak, Christophe Rossé knows, when the situation demands it, to restrain his naturally serious nature: "In plenary meetings, I often want to point out the absurdity of certain comments. But in the presence of the bosses, it's risky. So, I write down my remarks in a small notebook to bring them up later to my colleagues!" The same obligatory restraint with a disgruntled client. If the latter feels the need to reprimand you, let them do so. Only then will you try to cheer them up. This is the method practiced by Christophe Rossé: "You have to take time to listen. I first let the client vent. They dominate the meeting and decide whether or not we can laugh at that moment."
The art of adapting your humorous register to your interlocutor
There's no question of telling the latest dirty joke to Madame la Countess, or the pun that makes the Parisian Left Bank bend over double to your cousin from Gers. There are enough registers of humor for you to use the one that will hit the mark. "What's the difference between Tintin and Snowy? Snowy doesn't have a dog:" this joke has a fifty-fifty chance of leaving those to whom you tell it unimpressed. Because of all of them, absurd humor is the most difficult to handle. An intellectual mechanism that is not based on any logical basis and disregards codes and conventions, the absurd is rather little shared and therefore little unifying. In some cases, it may even increase stress rather than reduce it!
With repetitive humor, on the other hand, the effect is guaranteed... provided your interlocutor has the time. Because, by definition, it only works over time. Thus, for months, Anne Thévenet-Abitbol, director of foresight and new products at Danone, tried to develop an orange blossom yogurt (never released) for which her enthusiasm pushed her to be more than insistent. "It had become a gimmick, a joke that I even mentioned in the most inappropriate circumstances. For example, in the middle of a financial meeting: "By the way, have you thought about the orange blossom yogurt?"
But, against stress, the king registers remain exaggeration, laughter at the expense of a third party, and self-deprecation. Nothing like exaggerating a setback to make it suddenly seem ridiculous. Like this advertising manager who, every time he is summoned for an unknown reason to his superior's office, announces to his colleagues that it is probably a preliminary interview before his dismissal.
Suggesting that your interlocutor choose a common victim is also risk-free. "Tell a joke about Belgians to French people, and success is assured. And I know what I'm talking about!" laughs Luc de Brabandère, a Belgian national. As for self-deprecation, it allows you to laugh at your own expense and highlights your self-awareness and humility. While looking for a job, young communicator Virginie Lominet published a video on YouTube where she explained to potential recruiters all the uses they could make of her CV if they weren't interested in her profile: paper airplane, Sudoku grid, subway map... This offbeat initiative was well-received: Virginie Lominet received several freelance job offers in return.
And with foreigners? Between the deadpan irony of the English, the square humor of the Germans, and the "overstatement" (exaggeration to excess) of the Americans, there's enough to get lost. A pre-sales engineer at General Electric, in contact with many nationalities, Matthieu solves the problem by emphasizing the lowest common denominator. During his performance review, facing his English boss and the Luxembourgish HR manager, he is quite stressed. He is suddenly asked what he thinks about when he wakes up in the morning. A second of hesitation and he replies: "It's my son who wakes me up crying. So I mostly think about giving him his bottle." Great success!
Can you laugh about anything? The limits not to be crossed
Founder of Humour Consulting Group, Serge Grudzinski intervenes during seminars to soothe companies whose employees are too stressed. Usually, he boasts, no one resists him. But that day, he hits a snag. Faced with the battered teams of an Assédic management, he makes the mistake of joking about unemployment. It's an understatement to say that he is received coldly. "I was accused of cynicism. I hadn't realized how on edge the people I was addressing were. Instead of putting balm on their wounds, I poured alcohol on them."
The lesson is learned: avoid irony, sarcasm, and mockery under all circumstances. Humor must unite, not exclude. It never works better than when it reveals humility, empathy, and complicity. Thus, one can laugh at a problem, but without giving the impression that one is minimizing its importance. When she was a key account manager at Mars, Nathalie Roos didn't take her boss's stress into account enough. "Coming back from meetings with clients, each of whom weighed 15% of the turnover, I tried to downplay things and said: "At worst, if they delist us, it's not the end of the world." My boss didn't appreciate it at all!"
Another pitfall to avoid: mistaking the target, making those who are not responsible wear the hat. Lionel Bellenger remembers this theater troupe that came to animate a congress of 300 La Poste employees. The actors start to mime a long queue... A hostile silence falls in the room. Then a man stands up and shouts "Stop making fun of us!" Floundering on stage... "The troupe missed the mark," analyzes Lionel Bellenger. "They made the employees look responsible for the interminable waits at the counters, when they are the result of staff cuts."
Finally, it's best to avoid joking about sensitive subjects about which you don't know your interlocutor's position. Society has become much more politically correct than it was twenty years ago. And it's likely that Pierre Desproges couldn't go as far in provocation today. Remember the lines he dared to slip into some sketches: "I can't help but think that during the last World War many Jews had a downright hostile attitude towards the Nazi regime," "Animals are less intolerant than we are. A hungry pig will eat a Muslim..." Walking the line of bad taste was an art that the comedian mastered and could afford. But nowadays, this exercise would be highly perilous for anyone else.
At the office, even more than elsewhere, it's impossible to laugh about everything, the specialists repeat in unison. Banish political and religious themes, avoid hitting below the belt, and don't pick on the weak. "The little bald man who limps, there are already enough people in the company to make fun of him. There's no need for you to add another layer," sums up Serge Grudzinski. So, where to place the cursor? "It's when we transgress the rules of respect that we risk going too far," says Luc de Brabandère. "Humor is supposed to bring people closer. So, ask yourself if your interlocutor wants to get closer to you, and if so, to what extent." That's what should determine your conduct. And for the rest, as Philippe Geluck, the author of the famous comic strip "Le Chat," writes: "The laws of humor are very severe: you can't make fun of victims, Blacks, gays, Muslims, Jews, disabled people... I say: who do we make fun of?"
Published March 16, 2010
Posted October 26, 2010
capital.fr
"Send me the documentation," barks this prospect to consultant Franck Fiszel, to get rid of him on the phone. "I suggest I throw it in the trash myself to save on postage," replies the founder of the Coach Europ firm. A cheeky bit of humor, but after all, the consultant had little to lose. The exchange ends in laughter. And Franck Fiszel finally got his appointment the following month.
Laughter is still the best way to combat stress and frustration. But here's the thing: doctors agree that we laugh less than before. "One to two minutes a day, compared to twenty minutes in the 1930s," estimates neurologist Henri Rubinstein, author of "Psychosomatique du rire" (Robert Laffont). While this ultra-precise count is perplexing, it does betray a growing gloom.
Faced with an irritable client, an abusive boss, or difficult colleagues, it is urgent to relearn how to use wit to defuse situations. "Regarding humor, Freud speaks of a true strategy against adversity," recalls Luc de Brabandère, associate director of the Boston Consulting Group and author of "Petite philosophie des histoires drôles" (Eyrolles). Being able to joke about a difficulty shows that one is serene and in control of the situation. As demonstrated by this anecdote about Robert-François Damiens, the man who attempted to assassinate Louis XV. Upon hearing the terrible sentence that awaited him (he was condemned to be flayed alive, his wounds burned before being quartered), he made this superb comment: "It's going to be a tough day." Discover the physical mechanisms by which laughter acts on stress and how to make it happen when the atmosphere is tense.
A universal and sovereign remedy against physical tension
Did you know that a long, hearty laugh has the same relaxing effect as a gymnastics or yoga exercise? It is your body that benefits first. A good burst of laughter may not guarantee a flat stomach, but it undeniably works your abdominal muscles and many other parts of the body. This muscular activity is also beneficial for digestion, as it massages the abdomen and gallbladder. The arteries relax, improving blood circulation and promoting heart irrigation. The lungs also benefit from an influx of air four times greater than normal, which helps fight infections.
Finally, the body secretes more painkillers and anti-anxiety substances (neurotransmitters). Notably endorphins, hormones similar to natural morphine. "If we make children in intensive care laugh daily, we manage to reduce their analgesic consumption by 30%," says Dr. Henri Rubinstein. The production of serotonin and dopamine, responsible for mood regulation and movement coordination, is also accelerated. This list of benefits should obviously not encourage you to play the fool at all costs and become the office comedian. But, used with finesse and discernment, humor in the workplace can be a sovereign weapon against stress.
Precautions to take to always remain credible
Nathalie Roos, President Europe of Mars, is not easily intimidated. Yet that's the effect produced on her by the woman who arrives in her office that morning. "It was Nathalie Mesny, then commercial director of Carrefour. A tall, beautiful, and cold woman." To break the ice, Nathalie Roos suggests they go for coffee. On the way, she says with a knowing look: "You're from 1964?" Impassive face of the person concerned: "Why are you telling me that?" Ms. Mars tries to recover: "You know... Gilbert Bécaud's song... It's from 1964. All the Nathalies were born that year..." Total failure. Ms. Carrefour will not crack all day. "Attacking a woman I didn't know about her age was probably not a good idea...," Nathalie Roos admits today.
The "opening joke," that little joke designed to break the ice right away, is more the domain of Americans. In France, it's better to test the waters first. Your credibility is at stake: your interlocutor may see you not as someone relaxed, but as a joker to be wary of. "Humor is practiced once you have gained trust. The reverse is more delicate," confirms coach Lionel Bellenger, author of "Rire et faire rire" (ESF Editeur).
This is particularly true with regard to your hierarchy. Before allowing yourself to joke with your superior, wait until they have given you the green light, explicitly or not. But remember that the ground is always potentially mined. As a sales manager at Tetra Pak, Christophe Rossé knows, when the situation demands it, to restrain his naturally serious nature: "In plenary meetings, I often want to point out the absurdity of certain comments. But in the presence of the bosses, it's risky. So, I write down my remarks in a small notebook to bring them up later to my colleagues!" The same obligatory restraint with a disgruntled client. If the latter feels the need to reprimand you, let them do so. Only then will you try to cheer them up. This is the method practiced by Christophe Rossé: "You have to take time to listen. I first let the client vent. They dominate the meeting and decide whether or not we can laugh at that moment."
The art of adapting your humorous register to your interlocutor
There's no question of telling the latest dirty joke to Madame la Countess, or the pun that makes the Parisian Left Bank bend over double to your cousin from Gers. There are enough registers of humor for you to use the one that will hit the mark. "What's the difference between Tintin and Snowy? Snowy doesn't have a dog:" this joke has a fifty-fifty chance of leaving those to whom you tell it unimpressed. Because of all of them, absurd humor is the most difficult to handle. An intellectual mechanism that is not based on any logical basis and disregards codes and conventions, the absurd is rather little shared and therefore little unifying. In some cases, it may even increase stress rather than reduce it!
With repetitive humor, on the other hand, the effect is guaranteed... provided your interlocutor has the time. Because, by definition, it only works over time. Thus, for months, Anne Thévenet-Abitbol, director of foresight and new products at Danone, tried to develop an orange blossom yogurt (never released) for which her enthusiasm pushed her to be more than insistent. "It had become a gimmick, a joke that I even mentioned in the most inappropriate circumstances. For example, in the middle of a financial meeting: "By the way, have you thought about the orange blossom yogurt?"
But, against stress, the king registers remain exaggeration, laughter at the expense of a third party, and self-deprecation. Nothing like exaggerating a setback to make it suddenly seem ridiculous. Like this advertising manager who, every time he is summoned for an unknown reason to his superior's office, announces to his colleagues that it is probably a preliminary interview before his dismissal.
Suggesting that your interlocutor choose a common victim is also risk-free. "Tell a joke about Belgians to French people, and success is assured. And I know what I'm talking about!" laughs Luc de Brabandère, a Belgian national. As for self-deprecation, it allows you to laugh at your own expense and highlights your self-awareness and humility. While looking for a job, young communicator Virginie Lominet published a video on YouTube where she explained to potential recruiters all the uses they could make of her CV if they weren't interested in her profile: paper airplane, Sudoku grid, subway map... This offbeat initiative was well-received: Virginie Lominet received several freelance job offers in return.
And with foreigners? Between the deadpan irony of the English, the square humor of the Germans, and the "overstatement" (exaggeration to excess) of the Americans, there's enough to get lost. A pre-sales engineer at General Electric, in contact with many nationalities, Matthieu solves the problem by emphasizing the lowest common denominator. During his performance review, facing his English boss and the Luxembourgish HR manager, he is quite stressed. He is suddenly asked what he thinks about when he wakes up in the morning. A second of hesitation and he replies: "It's my son who wakes me up crying. So I mostly think about giving him his bottle." Great success!
Can you laugh about anything? The limits not to be crossed
Founder of Humour Consulting Group, Serge Grudzinski intervenes during seminars to soothe companies whose employees are too stressed. Usually, he boasts, no one resists him. But that day, he hits a snag. Faced with the battered teams of an Assédic management, he makes the mistake of joking about unemployment. It's an understatement to say that he is received coldly. "I was accused of cynicism. I hadn't realized how on edge the people I was addressing were. Instead of putting balm on their wounds, I poured alcohol on them."
The lesson is learned: avoid irony, sarcasm, and mockery under all circumstances. Humor must unite, not exclude. It never works better than when it reveals humility, empathy, and complicity. Thus, one can laugh at a problem, but without giving the impression that one is minimizing its importance. When she was a key account manager at Mars, Nathalie Roos didn't take her boss's stress into account enough. "Coming back from meetings with clients, each of whom weighed 15% of the turnover, I tried to downplay things and said: "At worst, if they delist us, it's not the end of the world." My boss didn't appreciate it at all!"
Another pitfall to avoid: mistaking the target, making those who are not responsible wear the hat. Lionel Bellenger remembers this theater troupe that came to animate a congress of 300 La Poste employees. The actors start to mime a long queue... A hostile silence falls in the room. Then a man stands up and shouts "Stop making fun of us!" Floundering on stage... "The troupe missed the mark," analyzes Lionel Bellenger. "They made the employees look responsible for the interminable waits at the counters, when they are the result of staff cuts."
Finally, it's best to avoid joking about sensitive subjects about which you don't know your interlocutor's position. Society has become much more politically correct than it was twenty years ago. And it's likely that Pierre Desproges couldn't go as far in provocation today. Remember the lines he dared to slip into some sketches: "I can't help but think that during the last World War many Jews had a downright hostile attitude towards the Nazi regime," "Animals are less intolerant than we are. A hungry pig will eat a Muslim..." Walking the line of bad taste was an art that the comedian mastered and could afford. But nowadays, this exercise would be highly perilous for anyone else.
At the office, even more than elsewhere, it's impossible to laugh about everything, the specialists repeat in unison. Banish political and religious themes, avoid hitting below the belt, and don't pick on the weak. "The little bald man who limps, there are already enough people in the company to make fun of him. There's no need for you to add another layer," sums up Serge Grudzinski. So, where to place the cursor? "It's when we transgress the rules of respect that we risk going too far," says Luc de Brabandère. "Humor is supposed to bring people closer. So, ask yourself if your interlocutor wants to get closer to you, and if so, to what extent." That's what should determine your conduct. And for the rest, as Philippe Geluck, the author of the famous comic strip "Le Chat," writes: "The laws of humor are very severe: you can't make fun of victims, Blacks, gays, Muslims, Jews, disabled people... I say: who do we make fun of?"
Published March 16, 2010
Posted October 26, 2010
capital.fr
