When your former enemy becomes your new colleague.
7 April 2012
Read by 1532 persons
When you arrived at the office this Monday, ready to welcome your future collaborator, you first thought it was a bad dream... You thought you had managed to get rid of him definitively. But here he is again, it's him: your old enemy... and for the last five minutes, your new office colleague! How to survive this ordeal? Follow our guide!
I hate him... but why?
Interpersonal conflicts are inherent components of social life. Poorly managed, they quickly become costly for individuals and for the company. Unlike misunderstandings, which are often unilateral, these conflicts of interest bring together two protagonists who pay more attention to their opponent than to the subject of their disagreement or desire. And this is where the complications begin... because aggression is no longer a driving force to achieve a goal (we speak of positive aggression), but it becomes a weapon directed against the other, who is made into an enemy. All the energy deployed is aimed only at one goal: the destruction of the adversary! The problem is that during this battle, injuries, humiliations, and disappointments can pave the way for irreparable revenge.
Attempt reconciliation
Jean-Paul Guedj, CEO of the firm JPG Conseil, specializing in management and negotiation in companies, lists three possible approaches to this type of conflict of interest: "The first attitude is to enter the fray wholeheartedly: conflict creates existence, particularly in a company where one is bored... The second possible posture is ignorance. But this requires being mature enough to put the conflict aside and having sufficiently interesting work to immerse oneself in..." But a third option is fortunately possible: reconciliation. A path that requires courage, but at the same time signifies your value and discernment... "Trying to re-establish dialogue, trying to make a progress contract to move forward is an opportunity to be seized absolutely!"
Get support to clarify the issues
Reconciliation seems to be a worthwhile path, but the idea of finding yourself alone with your enemy doesn't appeal to you: request an interview with your superiors and ask for the intervention of a neutral third party, a professional (work psychologist or coach) who, through their facilitation work, will help you to reflect on and clarify the issues of this conflict. "In all cases, be in action," advises J.P. Guedj. "The one who suffers must react and take charge of their problem, and this without delay."
And when nothing works?
Sometimes, you have to face the evidence... Beyond a certain stage of deterioration, when annihilating the other appears as the only way out of this morbid competition, even mediation or arbitration can no longer do anything about it. Each will try to convince the mediator of the validity of their arguments, and the arbitrator's decision will be contested, even sabotaged... Cutting off physical contact then becomes the only option. An unsatisfactory epilogue, but one that will at least limit (somewhat) the damage to those around and to the company.
Monster.fr
Posted online April 7, 2012.
I hate him... but why?
Interpersonal conflicts are inherent components of social life. Poorly managed, they quickly become costly for individuals and for the company. Unlike misunderstandings, which are often unilateral, these conflicts of interest bring together two protagonists who pay more attention to their opponent than to the subject of their disagreement or desire. And this is where the complications begin... because aggression is no longer a driving force to achieve a goal (we speak of positive aggression), but it becomes a weapon directed against the other, who is made into an enemy. All the energy deployed is aimed only at one goal: the destruction of the adversary! The problem is that during this battle, injuries, humiliations, and disappointments can pave the way for irreparable revenge.
Attempt reconciliation
Jean-Paul Guedj, CEO of the firm JPG Conseil, specializing in management and negotiation in companies, lists three possible approaches to this type of conflict of interest: "The first attitude is to enter the fray wholeheartedly: conflict creates existence, particularly in a company where one is bored... The second possible posture is ignorance. But this requires being mature enough to put the conflict aside and having sufficiently interesting work to immerse oneself in..." But a third option is fortunately possible: reconciliation. A path that requires courage, but at the same time signifies your value and discernment... "Trying to re-establish dialogue, trying to make a progress contract to move forward is an opportunity to be seized absolutely!"
Get support to clarify the issues
Reconciliation seems to be a worthwhile path, but the idea of finding yourself alone with your enemy doesn't appeal to you: request an interview with your superiors and ask for the intervention of a neutral third party, a professional (work psychologist or coach) who, through their facilitation work, will help you to reflect on and clarify the issues of this conflict. "In all cases, be in action," advises J.P. Guedj. "The one who suffers must react and take charge of their problem, and this without delay."
And when nothing works?
Sometimes, you have to face the evidence... Beyond a certain stage of deterioration, when annihilating the other appears as the only way out of this morbid competition, even mediation or arbitration can no longer do anything about it. Each will try to convince the mediator of the validity of their arguments, and the arbitrator's decision will be contested, even sabotaged... Cutting off physical contact then becomes the only option. An unsatisfactory epilogue, but one that will at least limit (somewhat) the damage to those around and to the company.
Monster.fr
Posted online April 7, 2012.
