Do romantic relationships and work mix well?
13 April 2012
Read by 2379 persons
Often hidden and poorly accepted within companies, workplace romances are nevertheless very common. The main explanation: the increase in women's activity rate. Some companies ensure that couples are never in direct professional contact.
It's a fact. The time when one found one's spouse in the family circle is long gone, if not obsolete. Societal evolution is slow in some areas, but parents are more accepting of "outsiders." This is partly facilitated by the fact that women have gained more freedom: they pursue their studies longer and, for professional reasons, are often forced to leave their parents to live alone in another city. This situation has become commonplace. Naturally, the professional environment replaces the family environment. Drinks or lunches together, a stretch of the road by car or on foot after work, small helping hands on a file... "They share so many situations that they end up developing feelings of affection," notes Ghita Msefer, psychologist.
"I was surprised to see so many couples in the bank. But, observing the age pyramid, I realized that most of these people had been hired practically at the same time," recalls a former HR director who has become a consultant.
It is true that in banks, communication companies, but also in administration and elsewhere, one now encounters many couples, married or not. Hicham K. recounts: "I am from Marrakech. I came to Casablanca to do postgraduate studies. Over time, I ended up distancing myself sentimentally from my former girlfriend, with whom I had studied at the same high school. Before even finishing my studies, I got a job in an accounting firm. I met someone there who, two years later, became my wife." According to him, there were no problems, neither before nor after the marriage. "Maybe our bosses knew it was serious," he explains.
Breakups cause trouble
Hind K., a project manager in a communication agency, also met her husband in her company. "I had nothing to hide about our relationship because the company is run by a couple," she assures. In short, she wasn't afraid of being reprimanded or jeopardizing her future in this company. Some bosses indeed frown upon this kind of relationship. Firstly, because of conflicts of interest. This can happen if one spouse is the hierarchical superior of the other or if they are in positions where one can cover up the errors or possible embezzlement of the other. This is why many companies ensure that spouses never work in the same department. Some multinationals even outright forbid such relationships. "We never recruited someone who had a relative in the company, let alone someone whose husband or wife already worked in the company," confides a former HR director of a multinational subsidiary who has now left Morocco.
However, no law prevents a couple, legitimate or not, from working in the same company. "The law prohibits discrimination, but the company also has the right to put in place an internal code to protect itself," explains Ali Serhani, HR consultant. Besides conflicts of interest, the risk is indeed to see private disagreements affect the work climate. "We experienced a difficult situation a few years ago. A director had married a colleague with a strong personality, very well trained abroad. As they collaborated closely on the same files, their differences of opinion ended up jeopardizing their romantic relationship. The marriage didn't last and this director ended up resigning, before returning after his ex-wife's departure," says a senior executive of a large local company.
Women are often victims of ridicule
Naturally, gossip is commonplace, but married couples are less victimized than so-called "illegitimate" couples. The latter are subject to prying eyes, at best. Sometimes, they are subjected to harsh remarks and even meanness. Women suffer more from this situation than men. It is true that today censorship is no longer exercised as rigorously and frequently with regard to romantic relationships, as Ghita Msefer points out. Nevertheless, a woman who displays her feelings a little too much is frowned upon by society. The anecdote recounted by Ali Serhani is revealing of this cultural blockage: simply because she had gone out with a colleague, a young girl, yet brilliant, had difficulty finding a job after her resignation. Indeed, her former colleagues allowed themselves to make harsh comments about her when a potential employer contacted them to learn more about her. These cases are not uncommon. "I had to let go of a girl who had spread unfounded rumors about another," confides this HR director of a call center. "I simply wanted to show others that the company does not accept that someone be dragged through the mud on the pretext that they are in a romantic relationship. For me, as long as one does their job professionally, there is nothing to say."
And adds: "We only employ young people, it is difficult to forbid them any relationship, but we are very vigilant about anything that could harm the good cohesion of the teams, therefore the company." Mr. Serhani shares this opinion: "If two beings love each other, let them live their lives. It is up to the employer to ensure that nothing negative can come from this kind of relationship." It is also up to those concerned to rise to the occasion so as not to transform a romantic adventure into a farcical story, as many are told. True or not, these situations end up ruining a career and tarnishing the image of a company. So, when love surprises you at the office, try to be cautious and work to manage the situation without passion. This is the only way to avoid mishaps.
TESTIMONIALS: They experienced love at the office, they tell their story.
Karim B. Sales Manager: "It's best to avoid this kind of relationship in the office"
A romantic relationship in the office is a double-edged sword. It promotes a better work climate, but a disagreement can naturally create big problems.
When I joined the company where I work, I struck up a friendship with a colleague. Nothing surprising given that, professionally, we were on the same wavelength.
In a profession where deadlines and organization are crucial, this counts enormously. Until a certain point, everything was fine. Afterwards, I was appointed head of the marketing department in which we both were. Of course, knowing this person's potential, I entrusted her with the most delicate tasks and she acquitted herself well. But, at a given moment, the slightest reproach or remark was experienced by her as humiliation. I felt that she resented me, a bit as if I had to refrain from making remarks on the pretext that we were very close sentimentally, especially in front of others. Consequently, she started to do her work less well and I ended up banging my fist on the table. We had a very frank discussion. Now, our relations are strictly professional.
The lesson I learned from my case is that it is preferable to avoid this kind of relationship in the company as much as possible.
Hanane Bensouda, HR Manager: "Discreetness is necessary, especially at the beginning"
Romantic encounters in the office are frequent nowadays. It happens that one has a soft spot for one's colleague, for the "little intern" who arrives, for a charismatic boss... In my opinion, a relationship in the office requires a lot of discretion, especially at the beginning. It is a question of avoiding misunderstandings, unpleasant remarks from colleagues or the boss. It is when the relationship is solid that one can reveal it. On the other hand, I think that a relationship in the office does not necessarily impact work. In any case, nothing suggests that the "lovebirds" work less or less well. This kind of relationship, temporary or lasting, although risky in case of a complicated breakup, breaks the routine.
Saïd Rahali, Chief Accountant: "One must take into account the company culture"
The office is where we spend most of our time! It is normal that there are romantic encounters. The opposite would be surprising. What is difficult is managing the situation. The best way not to give grounds for ridicule and other meanness is to be discreet. One must also take into account the company culture. It is better not to fall for a colleague if one's career might be called into question.
Nabil Majdi, Banker: "My wife and I kept a low profile"
I met my wife at work. Since we were in the same department, we used to go out together either to have lunch or to take the bus or a taxi. Over time, we fell in love. To avoid any problems with the boss and colleagues, we decided to keep a low profile. But since you can't hide anything in a company, everyone eventually found out. The woman who was to become my wife took advantage of an interesting offer to change companies to avoid any confusion. We celebrated our wedding a few months later.
B.H. & A.D.N
Lavieeco.com
Posted online on April 13, 2012.
It's a fact. The time when one found one's spouse in the family circle is long gone, if not obsolete. Societal evolution is slow in some areas, but parents are more accepting of "outsiders." This is partly facilitated by the fact that women have gained more freedom: they pursue their studies longer and, for professional reasons, are often forced to leave their parents to live alone in another city. This situation has become commonplace. Naturally, the professional environment replaces the family environment. Drinks or lunches together, a stretch of the road by car or on foot after work, small helping hands on a file... "They share so many situations that they end up developing feelings of affection," notes Ghita Msefer, psychologist.
"I was surprised to see so many couples in the bank. But, observing the age pyramid, I realized that most of these people had been hired practically at the same time," recalls a former HR director who has become a consultant.
It is true that in banks, communication companies, but also in administration and elsewhere, one now encounters many couples, married or not. Hicham K. recounts: "I am from Marrakech. I came to Casablanca to do postgraduate studies. Over time, I ended up distancing myself sentimentally from my former girlfriend, with whom I had studied at the same high school. Before even finishing my studies, I got a job in an accounting firm. I met someone there who, two years later, became my wife." According to him, there were no problems, neither before nor after the marriage. "Maybe our bosses knew it was serious," he explains.
Breakups cause trouble
Hind K., a project manager in a communication agency, also met her husband in her company. "I had nothing to hide about our relationship because the company is run by a couple," she assures. In short, she wasn't afraid of being reprimanded or jeopardizing her future in this company. Some bosses indeed frown upon this kind of relationship. Firstly, because of conflicts of interest. This can happen if one spouse is the hierarchical superior of the other or if they are in positions where one can cover up the errors or possible embezzlement of the other. This is why many companies ensure that spouses never work in the same department. Some multinationals even outright forbid such relationships. "We never recruited someone who had a relative in the company, let alone someone whose husband or wife already worked in the company," confides a former HR director of a multinational subsidiary who has now left Morocco.
However, no law prevents a couple, legitimate or not, from working in the same company. "The law prohibits discrimination, but the company also has the right to put in place an internal code to protect itself," explains Ali Serhani, HR consultant. Besides conflicts of interest, the risk is indeed to see private disagreements affect the work climate. "We experienced a difficult situation a few years ago. A director had married a colleague with a strong personality, very well trained abroad. As they collaborated closely on the same files, their differences of opinion ended up jeopardizing their romantic relationship. The marriage didn't last and this director ended up resigning, before returning after his ex-wife's departure," says a senior executive of a large local company.
Women are often victims of ridicule
Naturally, gossip is commonplace, but married couples are less victimized than so-called "illegitimate" couples. The latter are subject to prying eyes, at best. Sometimes, they are subjected to harsh remarks and even meanness. Women suffer more from this situation than men. It is true that today censorship is no longer exercised as rigorously and frequently with regard to romantic relationships, as Ghita Msefer points out. Nevertheless, a woman who displays her feelings a little too much is frowned upon by society. The anecdote recounted by Ali Serhani is revealing of this cultural blockage: simply because she had gone out with a colleague, a young girl, yet brilliant, had difficulty finding a job after her resignation. Indeed, her former colleagues allowed themselves to make harsh comments about her when a potential employer contacted them to learn more about her. These cases are not uncommon. "I had to let go of a girl who had spread unfounded rumors about another," confides this HR director of a call center. "I simply wanted to show others that the company does not accept that someone be dragged through the mud on the pretext that they are in a romantic relationship. For me, as long as one does their job professionally, there is nothing to say."
And adds: "We only employ young people, it is difficult to forbid them any relationship, but we are very vigilant about anything that could harm the good cohesion of the teams, therefore the company." Mr. Serhani shares this opinion: "If two beings love each other, let them live their lives. It is up to the employer to ensure that nothing negative can come from this kind of relationship." It is also up to those concerned to rise to the occasion so as not to transform a romantic adventure into a farcical story, as many are told. True or not, these situations end up ruining a career and tarnishing the image of a company. So, when love surprises you at the office, try to be cautious and work to manage the situation without passion. This is the only way to avoid mishaps.
TESTIMONIALS: They experienced love at the office, they tell their story.
Karim B. Sales Manager: "It's best to avoid this kind of relationship in the office"
A romantic relationship in the office is a double-edged sword. It promotes a better work climate, but a disagreement can naturally create big problems.
When I joined the company where I work, I struck up a friendship with a colleague. Nothing surprising given that, professionally, we were on the same wavelength.
In a profession where deadlines and organization are crucial, this counts enormously. Until a certain point, everything was fine. Afterwards, I was appointed head of the marketing department in which we both were. Of course, knowing this person's potential, I entrusted her with the most delicate tasks and she acquitted herself well. But, at a given moment, the slightest reproach or remark was experienced by her as humiliation. I felt that she resented me, a bit as if I had to refrain from making remarks on the pretext that we were very close sentimentally, especially in front of others. Consequently, she started to do her work less well and I ended up banging my fist on the table. We had a very frank discussion. Now, our relations are strictly professional.
The lesson I learned from my case is that it is preferable to avoid this kind of relationship in the company as much as possible.
Hanane Bensouda, HR Manager: "Discreetness is necessary, especially at the beginning"
Romantic encounters in the office are frequent nowadays. It happens that one has a soft spot for one's colleague, for the "little intern" who arrives, for a charismatic boss... In my opinion, a relationship in the office requires a lot of discretion, especially at the beginning. It is a question of avoiding misunderstandings, unpleasant remarks from colleagues or the boss. It is when the relationship is solid that one can reveal it. On the other hand, I think that a relationship in the office does not necessarily impact work. In any case, nothing suggests that the "lovebirds" work less or less well. This kind of relationship, temporary or lasting, although risky in case of a complicated breakup, breaks the routine.
Saïd Rahali, Chief Accountant: "One must take into account the company culture"
The office is where we spend most of our time! It is normal that there are romantic encounters. The opposite would be surprising. What is difficult is managing the situation. The best way not to give grounds for ridicule and other meanness is to be discreet. One must also take into account the company culture. It is better not to fall for a colleague if one's career might be called into question.
Nabil Majdi, Banker: "My wife and I kept a low profile"
I met my wife at work. Since we were in the same department, we used to go out together either to have lunch or to take the bus or a taxi. Over time, we fell in love. To avoid any problems with the boss and colleagues, we decided to keep a low profile. But since you can't hide anything in a company, everyone eventually found out. The woman who was to become my wife took advantage of an interesting offer to change companies to avoid any confusion. We celebrated our wedding a few months later.
B.H. & A.D.N
Lavieeco.com
Posted online on April 13, 2012.
