Work Relationships: 5 Humorous Ways to Deal with Toxic Personalities
16 January 2015
Read by 2211 persons
Have you noticed that some people have a magical gift for making you feel bad? Discover that they all use the same technique and learn to become immune to it.
The basic technique of toxic personalities is destabilization. They adopt perverse behavior that makes you doubt your own integrity. The only solution is to install an alarm in your head that will sound whenever you realize that you are destabilized. Tell yourself that the dice are loaded and don't try to continue the discussion. Don't fall into the trap of classic reactions, your interlocutor is only waiting for that to make you go crazy.
Don't look for what you may have done wrong, don't try to show the other person how badly they are behaving, don't think about the logic or illogic of their words, unplug everything and get out of the discussion.
This is the only way not to let your emotions get the better of you and to keep your cool.
If you feel you are capable, you can even use humor to get out of the impasse in which they are trying to trap you with panache.
Here is a gallery of toxic personalities that can be encountered in a company and their instructions for use.
1. The Inverter: I blame you for what I myself caused
Your colleague is in a hurry, he asks you to lend him your computer urgently so that he can participate in a meeting. You quickly unplug it, he grabs it feverishly and in his nervousness, he drops it on the floor and breaks it. He exclaims: "If you had given me your computer properly stored in its case instead of forcing me to encumber my hands with it, it wouldn't have happened."
The classic reaction: "How is it my fault? But it's you who..."
If you have a strong sense of responsibility and/or a tendency to want to do everything perfectly, even if you tell yourself that he is exaggerating, your interlocutor will end up creating a feeling of guilt in you.
The humorous way out: "Yes, and even better, I should have worn white gloves and brought it to you myself at the meeting, it's still the least we can do when lending our PC."
2. The Table of Law: I impose my truth, my logic, my standard because I am the reference
You reproach your colleague for not having provided a document that caused your tender offer file to be declared non-compliant. He replies: "I know very well that I did not provide this document, they are wrong to ask for it because it is useless. I'm not going to provide a useless document because people are not capable of thinking about what they are asking for."
The classic reaction: "But don't you realize that because of you..."
If you have a logical mind, your interlocutor will put you in difficulty by shifting the debate to this ground: "So you think it's logical to give a useless document, is that right? I thought you were someone sensible..."
The humorous way out: "Indeed, the client will certainly be grateful to you for showing him that his process can be improved. But I think the happiest person will still be our competitor who, thanks to you, finds himself without competition."
3. The Mirror: I accuse you of doing to me what I do to you
You ask your colleague if he can help you fill out a form, he replies curtly: "You're tiring me with your requests, I don't only have that to do, fend for yourself for once!" You retort: "That's not a very nice answer", which earns you a: "Oh my god, how aggressive you can be!"
The classic reaction: "But not at all, it's you who are aggressing me..."
If you are sensitive, your interlocutor will play on velvet, he will take a pained air and assure you, hand on his heart, that you are hurting him a lot, that he had just explained gently that he did not have the time, that there was nothing bad about it, while you, you are immediately offended, as usual...
The humorous way out: "Thank you for pointing that out, I thought I was complaining."
Evelyne Rys.
Huffingtonpost.fr
Published January 16, 2015.
Posted online January 16, 2015.
The basic technique of toxic personalities is destabilization. They adopt perverse behavior that makes you doubt your own integrity. The only solution is to install an alarm in your head that will sound whenever you realize that you are destabilized. Tell yourself that the dice are loaded and don't try to continue the discussion. Don't fall into the trap of classic reactions, your interlocutor is only waiting for that to make you go crazy.
Don't look for what you may have done wrong, don't try to show the other person how badly they are behaving, don't think about the logic or illogic of their words, unplug everything and get out of the discussion.
This is the only way not to let your emotions get the better of you and to keep your cool.
If you feel you are capable, you can even use humor to get out of the impasse in which they are trying to trap you with panache.
Here is a gallery of toxic personalities that can be encountered in a company and their instructions for use.
1. The Inverter: I blame you for what I myself caused
Your colleague is in a hurry, he asks you to lend him your computer urgently so that he can participate in a meeting. You quickly unplug it, he grabs it feverishly and in his nervousness, he drops it on the floor and breaks it. He exclaims: "If you had given me your computer properly stored in its case instead of forcing me to encumber my hands with it, it wouldn't have happened."
The classic reaction: "How is it my fault? But it's you who..."
If you have a strong sense of responsibility and/or a tendency to want to do everything perfectly, even if you tell yourself that he is exaggerating, your interlocutor will end up creating a feeling of guilt in you.
The humorous way out: "Yes, and even better, I should have worn white gloves and brought it to you myself at the meeting, it's still the least we can do when lending our PC."
2. The Table of Law: I impose my truth, my logic, my standard because I am the reference
You reproach your colleague for not having provided a document that caused your tender offer file to be declared non-compliant. He replies: "I know very well that I did not provide this document, they are wrong to ask for it because it is useless. I'm not going to provide a useless document because people are not capable of thinking about what they are asking for."
The classic reaction: "But don't you realize that because of you..."
If you have a logical mind, your interlocutor will put you in difficulty by shifting the debate to this ground: "So you think it's logical to give a useless document, is that right? I thought you were someone sensible..."
The humorous way out: "Indeed, the client will certainly be grateful to you for showing him that his process can be improved. But I think the happiest person will still be our competitor who, thanks to you, finds himself without competition."
3. The Mirror: I accuse you of doing to me what I do to you
You ask your colleague if he can help you fill out a form, he replies curtly: "You're tiring me with your requests, I don't only have that to do, fend for yourself for once!" You retort: "That's not a very nice answer", which earns you a: "Oh my god, how aggressive you can be!"
The classic reaction: "But not at all, it's you who are aggressing me..."
If you are sensitive, your interlocutor will play on velvet, he will take a pained air and assure you, hand on his heart, that you are hurting him a lot, that he had just explained gently that he did not have the time, that there was nothing bad about it, while you, you are immediately offended, as usual...
The humorous way out: "Thank you for pointing that out, I thought I was complaining."
Evelyne Rys.
Huffingtonpost.fr
Published January 16, 2015.
Posted online January 16, 2015.
