Using Your Self-Image to Build Confidence
27 January 2015
Read by 2752 persons
Developing a positive and helpful self-image is a process, not just an exercise, where progress is key.
So how can this become a way to build self-confidence? And how can we develop a good self-image and assert ourselves without aggression or egotism?
Self-Image and Self-Assertion: Two Closely Linked Concepts
“Self-image is the sum of our beliefs about ourselves, others, and the results we obtain every day and what we do with them,” according to Claudine Catry and Jean-Louis Muller.1 It’s both what we believe about ourselves and what we think others think of us.
This aligns with Christophe André’s description of self-esteem:2 “…fluctuating, it results from both how I see myself and what I imagine others think of me.”
The two concepts are therefore closely linked: our self-image determines our self-esteem.
The Role of the Unconscious
This mix of beliefs from ourselves and others is partly unconscious. It’s more about identity than competence. It develops early in life and requires introspection to articulate. It shapes how we see ourselves and others. For example, for those who struggle to say no, the nanosecond between another person’s request and their response is a confrontation with their right to exist outside the desires of others.
It’s often a confrontation with their whole history and how they’ve learned to interact with others.
That’s why self-assertion isn’t only learned through techniques, though they’re necessary and helpful, but also by changing our perception of ourselves and the world. It’s the famous “I’m valuable, you’re valuable” from Transactional Analysis.
3. 4 Ways to Build Confidence
1. Take an Honest Inventory
Review your past, honestly assessing your strengths and what makes you proud and happy. Reflect on moments in your life, interactions, achievements, and failures. Identify what these show about your qualities and potential (not just your flaws and neurotic traits) to reinforce your self-perception.
These memories don’t always come easily. I’ve found that for some people, the question “When did I successfully assert myself?” remains unanswered.
2. Develop Your Vision of Success
Imagine upcoming challenges by considering both success and failure. Both are necessary, provided you distinguish between caution (preparing for the worst) and pessimism/lack of confidence (focusing on powerlessness). There’s a big difference.
3. Practice Self-Assertion in Low-Stakes Situations
Self-assertion experiences are great for learning to assert yourself. Sounds paradoxical? Not if the effort is gradual, progressing pedagogically. This is what we call a personalized assertion program. With each successful experience (or one handled more calmly), our minds and bodies adopt new behaviors.
And if an experience fails, it’s part of the learning process, provided the situation was chosen based on your abilities and involved a manageable challenge. For example, if asking for something is generally hard, deliberately choose a series of low-stakes situations to practice: in a store, with a friend, at a restaurant…
4. Ground Yourself in the Physical
Finally, self-image is deeply rooted in physical sensations. Peaceful self-assertion involves a stable, open physical posture. The opposite is also true: By consistently returning to a comfortable physical posture and the calm sensation of your breath, you access inner security through your body, allowing you to interact more freely.
1In “Exercez votre autorité avec diplomatie” - Claudine Catry and Jean-Louis Muller- ESF Editeur
2Interview with Christophe André in Psychologies Magazine March 2006, upon release of “Imparfaits libres et heureux”
Magali Combal, Trainer and Coach.
Etre-bien-au-travail.fr
Posted September 25, 2016.
So how can this become a way to build self-confidence? And how can we develop a good self-image and assert ourselves without aggression or egotism?
Self-Image and Self-Assertion: Two Closely Linked Concepts
“Self-image is the sum of our beliefs about ourselves, others, and the results we obtain every day and what we do with them,” according to Claudine Catry and Jean-Louis Muller.1 It’s both what we believe about ourselves and what we think others think of us.
This aligns with Christophe André’s description of self-esteem:2 “…fluctuating, it results from both how I see myself and what I imagine others think of me.”
The two concepts are therefore closely linked: our self-image determines our self-esteem.
The Role of the Unconscious
This mix of beliefs from ourselves and others is partly unconscious. It’s more about identity than competence. It develops early in life and requires introspection to articulate. It shapes how we see ourselves and others. For example, for those who struggle to say no, the nanosecond between another person’s request and their response is a confrontation with their right to exist outside the desires of others.
It’s often a confrontation with their whole history and how they’ve learned to interact with others.
That’s why self-assertion isn’t only learned through techniques, though they’re necessary and helpful, but also by changing our perception of ourselves and the world. It’s the famous “I’m valuable, you’re valuable” from Transactional Analysis.
3. 4 Ways to Build Confidence
1. Take an Honest Inventory
Review your past, honestly assessing your strengths and what makes you proud and happy. Reflect on moments in your life, interactions, achievements, and failures. Identify what these show about your qualities and potential (not just your flaws and neurotic traits) to reinforce your self-perception.
These memories don’t always come easily. I’ve found that for some people, the question “When did I successfully assert myself?” remains unanswered.
2. Develop Your Vision of Success
Imagine upcoming challenges by considering both success and failure. Both are necessary, provided you distinguish between caution (preparing for the worst) and pessimism/lack of confidence (focusing on powerlessness). There’s a big difference.
3. Practice Self-Assertion in Low-Stakes Situations
Self-assertion experiences are great for learning to assert yourself. Sounds paradoxical? Not if the effort is gradual, progressing pedagogically. This is what we call a personalized assertion program. With each successful experience (or one handled more calmly), our minds and bodies adopt new behaviors.
And if an experience fails, it’s part of the learning process, provided the situation was chosen based on your abilities and involved a manageable challenge. For example, if asking for something is generally hard, deliberately choose a series of low-stakes situations to practice: in a store, with a friend, at a restaurant…
4. Ground Yourself in the Physical
Finally, self-image is deeply rooted in physical sensations. Peaceful self-assertion involves a stable, open physical posture. The opposite is also true: By consistently returning to a comfortable physical posture and the calm sensation of your breath, you access inner security through your body, allowing you to interact more freely.
1In “Exercez votre autorité avec diplomatie” - Claudine Catry and Jean-Louis Muller- ESF Editeur
2Interview with Christophe André in Psychologies Magazine March 2006, upon release of “Imparfaits libres et heureux”
Magali Combal, Trainer and Coach.
Etre-bien-au-travail.fr
Posted September 25, 2016.
