Top 10 of the stupidest questions still asked in interviews in 2014, to which nobody ever answered honestly.
26 February 2014
Read by 2458 persons
In job interviews, we have all had to endure these crappy little questions as subtle as Angela Merkel's waistline. Unfortunately, the vain hope of landing the job has led us all to react in the same way: pretending to find it relevant and playing the game. To compensate for this immense sacrifice, here are 10 suggested answers, in the form of a middle finger, to let off some steam...
"What are your biggest flaws?"
What it really means: "You're going to lie, but everyone asks this question so I do too"
What you want to say: "I have a very low tolerance for stupidity, so I'm making an effort here"
What you actually say: "Perfectionist"
"Do you like teamwork?"
What it really means: "Are you a pain in the neck, Mr. Grumpypants?"
What you want to say: "I like reading L'Equipe anyway"
What you actually say: "Yes, teamwork is my life, without my colleagues I feel dirty"
"Why do you want to work for us?"
What they want to hear: "Don't tell me you're going to leave as soon as someone offers you a little more than the pittance I'm going to give you"
What you want to say: "Because I'm broke, you idiot"
What you actually say: "It's a childhood dream, the first time I saw the Trimolex sign, I knew it was my vocation"
"Aren't you overqualified for this position?"
What they want to hear: "No, of course not, even serving coffee here would be a blessing for a loser like me"
What you want to say: "Yes"
What you actually say: "No"
"Do you consider your career path to be consistent?"
What it really means: "Hey, idiot, there's a three-year gap in your resume, were you smoking crack or something?"
What you want to say: "Crap studies for a crap job, it all seems pretty consistent to me"
What you actually say: "I like experimentation, I'm proud of all my experiences, because they have made me the man standing before you today... is that good enough?"
"What are your hobbies?"
What they want to hear: "I have no life, I love working weekends"
What you want to say: "I have a strong passion for 1950s Hungarian pornographic films"
What you actually say: "I enjoy kayaking, it's a high-energy activity that has made me a winner"
"Why are you leaving your previous job?"
What they want to hear: "Don't lie to me, did they fire you or not?"
What you want to say: "It was that or I killed them all"
What you actually say: "I wanted a challenge, and your company exactly meets that need"
"What was your relationship with your previous boss?"
What it means: "Don't you dare talk trash about my business!"
What you want to say: "There were few days when I didn't dream of shoving my stapler down his throat"
What you actually say: "Very cordial, but he had, I fear, less taste in clothing than you.
Is that a real Goofy tie?" "Why should we hire you?"
What they want to hear: "I'll do all the work for you"
What you want to say: "Sure, I'm not a star at work, but my wife makes excellent clafoutis, and I know an astronomical number of Toto jokes..."
What you actually say: "Well, I'm wearing a tie..."
"What gets you out of bed in the morning?"
What it really means: "You're going to be late all the time like all the lazy bums who work for me"
What you want to say: "Well, my alarm clock. And the boner I get thinking about your mother"
What you actually say: "The prospect of taking on new challenges, both at work and in the human relationships that bind me to my neighbour... Can I go pee? We've been talking for 7 hours now..."
What other stupid questions have they dared to inflict on you?
Roben Desbois.
Topito.com
Published February 24, 2014.
Posted online February 26, 2014.
"What are your biggest flaws?"
What it really means: "You're going to lie, but everyone asks this question so I do too"
What you want to say: "I have a very low tolerance for stupidity, so I'm making an effort here"
What you actually say: "Perfectionist"
"Do you like teamwork?"
What it really means: "Are you a pain in the neck, Mr. Grumpypants?"
What you want to say: "I like reading L'Equipe anyway"
What you actually say: "Yes, teamwork is my life, without my colleagues I feel dirty"
"Why do you want to work for us?"
What they want to hear: "Don't tell me you're going to leave as soon as someone offers you a little more than the pittance I'm going to give you"
What you want to say: "Because I'm broke, you idiot"
What you actually say: "It's a childhood dream, the first time I saw the Trimolex sign, I knew it was my vocation"
"Aren't you overqualified for this position?"
What they want to hear: "No, of course not, even serving coffee here would be a blessing for a loser like me"
What you want to say: "Yes"
What you actually say: "No"
"Do you consider your career path to be consistent?"
What it really means: "Hey, idiot, there's a three-year gap in your resume, were you smoking crack or something?"
What you want to say: "Crap studies for a crap job, it all seems pretty consistent to me"
What you actually say: "I like experimentation, I'm proud of all my experiences, because they have made me the man standing before you today... is that good enough?"
"What are your hobbies?"
What they want to hear: "I have no life, I love working weekends"
What you want to say: "I have a strong passion for 1950s Hungarian pornographic films"
What you actually say: "I enjoy kayaking, it's a high-energy activity that has made me a winner"
"Why are you leaving your previous job?"
What they want to hear: "Don't lie to me, did they fire you or not?"
What you want to say: "It was that or I killed them all"
What you actually say: "I wanted a challenge, and your company exactly meets that need"
"What was your relationship with your previous boss?"
What it means: "Don't you dare talk trash about my business!"
What you want to say: "There were few days when I didn't dream of shoving my stapler down his throat"
What you actually say: "Very cordial, but he had, I fear, less taste in clothing than you.
Is that a real Goofy tie?" "Why should we hire you?"
What they want to hear: "I'll do all the work for you"
What you want to say: "Sure, I'm not a star at work, but my wife makes excellent clafoutis, and I know an astronomical number of Toto jokes..."
What you actually say: "Well, I'm wearing a tie..."
"What gets you out of bed in the morning?"
What it really means: "You're going to be late all the time like all the lazy bums who work for me"
What you want to say: "Well, my alarm clock. And the boner I get thinking about your mother"
What you actually say: "The prospect of taking on new challenges, both at work and in the human relationships that bind me to my neighbour... Can I go pee? We've been talking for 7 hours now..."
What other stupid questions have they dared to inflict on you?
Roben Desbois.
Topito.com
Published February 24, 2014.
Posted online February 26, 2014.
