Watch out! Toxic colleagues!
18 April 2014
Read by 2451 persons
Lazy people, snoops, and know-it-alls at work have a knack for making our lives miserable! How can we manage them without losing our cool? Specialists give us advice.
The boss's favorite
Always eager to impress, she's ready to do anything to get noticed by the boss and be considered for all company projects. She rushes into his office to report her successes, sometimes even going so far as to take credit for a team achievement. "She has an enormous need for attention, a sign of great insecurity," notes Josée Landry, guidance counselor and senior counselor at Fellice Human Strategies.
What makes her toxic: "If we don't have the temperament to show off like she does, we may not be recognized for our true worth and end up working in her shadow," says Josée Landry. Also, the fact that she monopolizes the boss can make him less available to the rest of the team. "Ultimately, she can cut us off from promotion opportunities," points out Sylvie Lepage, human resources consultant and president of Innovation RH.
How to bypass her? "We should congratulate her when she does a good job, even if it's not very tempting to give her positive feedback," advises Josée Landry. "It might calm her down. If she gets recognition, she might seek less from the boss." "We can also take her aside and let her know that we are also interested in such and such a project," suggests Sylvie Lepage. "Just to remind her that she's not the only one in the running and that we see through her game."
The diva
A real office princess, she believes she deserves special attention and treatment. She takes everything personally and is very theatrical in her reactions. "If something doesn't suit her, she sulks," says Sylvie Lepage, "a sign of lack of confidence and immaturity."
What makes her toxic: "She forces people to walk on eggshells," notes Ghislaine Labelle. "And that creates tension within the team. In addition, with her untimely reactions, she maintains a high level of stress."
How to bypass her? Find a diplomatic way to talk to her "by flattering her," suggests Josée Landry. "If you have to point out a mistake, start with positive comments: "I know you work hard, you put in a lot of hours, and I appreciate that, but I have a small thing to point out..." and formulate your comments constructively. The idea is not to reproach her, but to relate a fact without making a judgment." "That said, we should never hesitate to address a remark to her for fear of offending her," adds Ghislaine Labelle. "That would be a way of giving her power."
The lazy one
He always has a good excuse for not taking on a mandate. His motto: stick to the minimum.
What makes him toxic: We may be tempted to do the work for him so that things move forward, but we risk accumulating a lot of frustrations and burning out in the long run. Moreover, by doing so, "we reinforce his behavior since things still get done!" warns Ghislaine Labelle.
How to bypass him? We must absolutely not take on his responsibilities. "We let him fall into his own trap," says Sylvie Lepage. "If he doesn't achieve the results and doesn't meet the deadlines, it's his responsibility," specifies Josée Landry. "Among colleagues, we can also join forces and solicit him instead of waiting for him to come forward," adds Sylvie Lepage. "For example, tell him: "We're leaving you with this file and we want a report next week.""
The snoop
Her curiosity knows no bounds: "You left early yesterday. Is everything alright?" "You look tired this morning. What's going on?" "She's not necessarily mean," notes Josée Landry. "She genuinely cares about others, and she sincerely thinks she can advise us." According to Ghislaine Labelle, some snoops act this way because they want to have a warmer and friendlier relationship with their colleagues.
What makes her toxic: She makes us waste our time and hers in idle chatter. Moreover, "it becomes harmful if she uses the information gathered to gossip or spread rumors about us," warns Sylvie Lepage.
How to bypass her? "We must clearly state our limits," says Ghislaine Labelle. We can tell her: "I'm happy to discuss work with you, but for the rest, it's my business." Or: "It's nice of you to worry about me, but I don't have time to talk about it now," adds Josée Landry.
The pessimist
This is the colleague who sees problems before solutions. His motto: "It will never work." When we come up with a good idea, he immediately sees the problems to come. And he's a champion at finding dramatic consequences to any situation.
What makes him toxic: He infects the morale of the troops. "This type of personality brings very negative energy to a team," says Sylvie Lepage.
How to bypass him? "We ask him what he's basing his statement that it won't work on," advises Josée Landry. "That can help him shed his negative perception." "We have to prove to him, using examples of successes, that yes, it's possible and that we'll succeed," adds Sylvie Lepage.
The know-it-all
Always better than everyone else, he has seen it all, done it all, and especially succeeded everywhere he has been. This superman doesn't miss an opportunity to show off his knowledge and talk about his exploits. "He really feels he is someone exceptional who deserves special attention and recognition," says Josée Landry. "He's a very ambitious person, not very good at listening to others."
What makes him toxic: He can downplay our successes so that the spotlight remains on him. If he denigrates our work, he can also undermine our confidence. "In the long run, colleagues feel inadequate or even incompetent in front of him," points out Ghislaine Labelle, organizational psychologist at Groupe Conseil SCO and author of the book How to defuse conflicts at work.
How to bypass him? We don't let ourselves be impressed. "Don't blindly believe everything he says," advises Josée Landry. "We're interested in what he says, but we question him for details. If what he says isn't well-founded, he'll have to admit that he exaggerated a bit. But if he's sincere, in the end, we can benefit from his experience and learn from this colleague."
The hypercritical
In her eyes, we never do enough. Extremely meticulous, she always finds something to criticize, even when it comes to printing the final report! "But this ultra-perfectionist has the same demands on herself," says Josée Landry. "She's an insecure person who needs to know everything and control everything."
What makes her toxic: "This type of colleague dwells on superfluous details and makes her colleagues waste a lot of time," notes Sylvie Lepage. "She's exhausting, because she always demands proof." She also gives the impression of wanting to direct and control others.
How to bypass her? "So that she doesn't get lost in corrections, we remind her of the objectives and framework of the project we are working on," says Ghislaine Labelle. "We bring her back to the real importance of what she is criticizing," continues Josée Landry, "by asking her what bothers her so much. She will then be able to understand that it is not so important... or make us understand that she is right on certain points."
Key takeaways
We try to understand the behavior of the difficult colleague. "Even if we don't find all the answers, it allows us to take a step back from the situation," recalls Josée Landry. "Getting angry doesn't solve anything." By getting carried away, we give them power over us.
We ask ourselves how this behavior bothers us. "This may help us understand and defuse our exasperation," says Ms. Landry. "Thus, if we lack self-confidence, the boss's favorite may annoy us because she manages to get the attention we don't have." In this case, it will be up to us to adjust our attitude at work.
We cannot change our colleagues: we must adapt to them. No matter what we say or do, the hypercritical one will find fault with our work and the diva will get on her high horse if we correct her... By lowering our expectations, we reduce our disappointments.
Nothing obliges us to love our colleagues. We simply have to remain courteous with them.
Should we tell the boss?
Yes, if all our conciliatory strategies have yielded no results. "The idea is not to denounce the colleague by calling him tiresome!" believes Ghislaine Labelle, "but to explain how his behavior affects us and to suggest finding a solution together. If the boss and the team adopt a common approach with this person, they have a chance to neutralize the bad behavior."
To learn more
Managing difficult personalities, preserving your good humor at work despite the flaws of others by Nelson Bouchard, Quebecor, 2005, 162 p., $19.95.
Working with difficult people, by Ros Jay, Village Mondial, 2009, 91 p., $14.95.
Working with difficult people, by Ray Lilley, Transcontinental, 2010, 182 p., $24.95.
Coupdepouce.com
Posted online April 18, 2014.
The boss's favorite
Always eager to impress, she's ready to do anything to get noticed by the boss and be considered for all company projects. She rushes into his office to report her successes, sometimes even going so far as to take credit for a team achievement. "She has an enormous need for attention, a sign of great insecurity," notes Josée Landry, guidance counselor and senior counselor at Fellice Human Strategies.
What makes her toxic: "If we don't have the temperament to show off like she does, we may not be recognized for our true worth and end up working in her shadow," says Josée Landry. Also, the fact that she monopolizes the boss can make him less available to the rest of the team. "Ultimately, she can cut us off from promotion opportunities," points out Sylvie Lepage, human resources consultant and president of Innovation RH.
How to bypass her? "We should congratulate her when she does a good job, even if it's not very tempting to give her positive feedback," advises Josée Landry. "It might calm her down. If she gets recognition, she might seek less from the boss." "We can also take her aside and let her know that we are also interested in such and such a project," suggests Sylvie Lepage. "Just to remind her that she's not the only one in the running and that we see through her game."
The diva
A real office princess, she believes she deserves special attention and treatment. She takes everything personally and is very theatrical in her reactions. "If something doesn't suit her, she sulks," says Sylvie Lepage, "a sign of lack of confidence and immaturity."
What makes her toxic: "She forces people to walk on eggshells," notes Ghislaine Labelle. "And that creates tension within the team. In addition, with her untimely reactions, she maintains a high level of stress."
How to bypass her? Find a diplomatic way to talk to her "by flattering her," suggests Josée Landry. "If you have to point out a mistake, start with positive comments: "I know you work hard, you put in a lot of hours, and I appreciate that, but I have a small thing to point out..." and formulate your comments constructively. The idea is not to reproach her, but to relate a fact without making a judgment." "That said, we should never hesitate to address a remark to her for fear of offending her," adds Ghislaine Labelle. "That would be a way of giving her power."
The lazy one
He always has a good excuse for not taking on a mandate. His motto: stick to the minimum.
What makes him toxic: We may be tempted to do the work for him so that things move forward, but we risk accumulating a lot of frustrations and burning out in the long run. Moreover, by doing so, "we reinforce his behavior since things still get done!" warns Ghislaine Labelle.
How to bypass him? We must absolutely not take on his responsibilities. "We let him fall into his own trap," says Sylvie Lepage. "If he doesn't achieve the results and doesn't meet the deadlines, it's his responsibility," specifies Josée Landry. "Among colleagues, we can also join forces and solicit him instead of waiting for him to come forward," adds Sylvie Lepage. "For example, tell him: "We're leaving you with this file and we want a report next week.""
The snoop
Her curiosity knows no bounds: "You left early yesterday. Is everything alright?" "You look tired this morning. What's going on?" "She's not necessarily mean," notes Josée Landry. "She genuinely cares about others, and she sincerely thinks she can advise us." According to Ghislaine Labelle, some snoops act this way because they want to have a warmer and friendlier relationship with their colleagues.
What makes her toxic: She makes us waste our time and hers in idle chatter. Moreover, "it becomes harmful if she uses the information gathered to gossip or spread rumors about us," warns Sylvie Lepage.
How to bypass her? "We must clearly state our limits," says Ghislaine Labelle. We can tell her: "I'm happy to discuss work with you, but for the rest, it's my business." Or: "It's nice of you to worry about me, but I don't have time to talk about it now," adds Josée Landry.
The pessimist
This is the colleague who sees problems before solutions. His motto: "It will never work." When we come up with a good idea, he immediately sees the problems to come. And he's a champion at finding dramatic consequences to any situation.
What makes him toxic: He infects the morale of the troops. "This type of personality brings very negative energy to a team," says Sylvie Lepage.
How to bypass him? "We ask him what he's basing his statement that it won't work on," advises Josée Landry. "That can help him shed his negative perception." "We have to prove to him, using examples of successes, that yes, it's possible and that we'll succeed," adds Sylvie Lepage.
The know-it-all
Always better than everyone else, he has seen it all, done it all, and especially succeeded everywhere he has been. This superman doesn't miss an opportunity to show off his knowledge and talk about his exploits. "He really feels he is someone exceptional who deserves special attention and recognition," says Josée Landry. "He's a very ambitious person, not very good at listening to others."
What makes him toxic: He can downplay our successes so that the spotlight remains on him. If he denigrates our work, he can also undermine our confidence. "In the long run, colleagues feel inadequate or even incompetent in front of him," points out Ghislaine Labelle, organizational psychologist at Groupe Conseil SCO and author of the book How to defuse conflicts at work.
How to bypass him? We don't let ourselves be impressed. "Don't blindly believe everything he says," advises Josée Landry. "We're interested in what he says, but we question him for details. If what he says isn't well-founded, he'll have to admit that he exaggerated a bit. But if he's sincere, in the end, we can benefit from his experience and learn from this colleague."
The hypercritical
In her eyes, we never do enough. Extremely meticulous, she always finds something to criticize, even when it comes to printing the final report! "But this ultra-perfectionist has the same demands on herself," says Josée Landry. "She's an insecure person who needs to know everything and control everything."
What makes her toxic: "This type of colleague dwells on superfluous details and makes her colleagues waste a lot of time," notes Sylvie Lepage. "She's exhausting, because she always demands proof." She also gives the impression of wanting to direct and control others.
How to bypass her? "So that she doesn't get lost in corrections, we remind her of the objectives and framework of the project we are working on," says Ghislaine Labelle. "We bring her back to the real importance of what she is criticizing," continues Josée Landry, "by asking her what bothers her so much. She will then be able to understand that it is not so important... or make us understand that she is right on certain points."
Key takeaways
We try to understand the behavior of the difficult colleague. "Even if we don't find all the answers, it allows us to take a step back from the situation," recalls Josée Landry. "Getting angry doesn't solve anything." By getting carried away, we give them power over us.
We ask ourselves how this behavior bothers us. "This may help us understand and defuse our exasperation," says Ms. Landry. "Thus, if we lack self-confidence, the boss's favorite may annoy us because she manages to get the attention we don't have." In this case, it will be up to us to adjust our attitude at work.
We cannot change our colleagues: we must adapt to them. No matter what we say or do, the hypercritical one will find fault with our work and the diva will get on her high horse if we correct her... By lowering our expectations, we reduce our disappointments.
Nothing obliges us to love our colleagues. We simply have to remain courteous with them.
Should we tell the boss?
Yes, if all our conciliatory strategies have yielded no results. "The idea is not to denounce the colleague by calling him tiresome!" believes Ghislaine Labelle, "but to explain how his behavior affects us and to suggest finding a solution together. If the boss and the team adopt a common approach with this person, they have a chance to neutralize the bad behavior."
To learn more
Managing difficult personalities, preserving your good humor at work despite the flaws of others by Nelson Bouchard, Quebecor, 2005, 162 p., $19.95.
Working with difficult people, by Ros Jay, Village Mondial, 2009, 91 p., $14.95.
Working with difficult people, by Ray Lilley, Transcontinental, 2010, 182 p., $24.95.
Coupdepouce.com
Posted online April 18, 2014.
