How to Stay Zen with a Difficult Boss?
6 May 2013
Read by 2203 persons
We've all had the experience of an unbearable, even downright unpleasant manager. This is one of the major causes of workplace stress today.
Especially since, from what I hear, the standard solution adopted by many companies to cope with economic changes is to put more pressure on employees, hoping to get results without changing the model or strategy.
Not knowing exactly what "putting pressure" means, most bosses and managers end up simply being unpleasant and insulting their employees.
So, what is the Zen method for managing these kinds of situations?
Responsibility
In Buddhism, we often talk about taking responsibility. You are responsible for your life and what happens to you, etc., etc. This is a very good approach to personal development, and it allows us to regain control of our lives, since it is up to us to make the necessary changes.
On the other hand, in a professional situation where we are contractually obliged to obey instructions, the feeling of frustration can become unbearable.
In this case, it is better to limit your sense of responsibility. It's just a job. You are required to do your job to the best of your ability, under the conditions stipulated in your contract. It's not up to you to worry about the health of the company. It's important to isolate yourself from anything that is not your direct responsibility according to your position.
Learn to say "It's not my problem"
Next, regarding workplace moral harassment and the influence of a difficult boss, we can analyze two scenarios:
Daily pressure and frustration
The bad manager will often be confused; their instructions will not be clear, the company's vision is not clearly defined and communicated to employees. And of course, there's the age-old technique of "divide and conquer." A bad boss will alternately praise some employees and belittle others, distribute bonuses without any clear rationale, and try to turn employees against each other.
In the first case, it's mainly incompetence. This is where limiting your responsibilities and not taking the situation too much to heart comes into play. It's not your job. If you are courageous, you can try to talk to the manager to ask for clarifications, but it's at your own risk.
In the second case, you need to ensure good communication between employees and avoid getting caught up in the game of "today I praise you, tomorrow I criticize you."
Direct insults and criticism of work
It is important to identify even implied criticism and value judgments, that is, those that relate to attitude and tone of voice.
Your manager's job, even if they criticized your work, is to see you leave with a good attitude and clear instructions.
If you leave a meeting with your manager and feel uncomfortable, disgusted, or depressed, it's because they are incompetent.
Notice that I said "criticize your work." They have no right to criticize you personally. If at any time you feel personally attacked or detect a value judgment, immediately disregard what was said and disengage from any responsibility for the situation. Your work has nothing to do with your personality and identity.
A very useful NLP technique for this type of situation: reframing
You turn the sentence against your interlocutor by changing the meaning and significance of what they said (in this case, you change an insult into a useful compliment).
Example:
Boss: "Your work is awful! You're incompetent! Your presentation is rubbish!"
You: "Thank you, boss, for taking the time to correct my mistakes. It's thanks to this kind of constructive feedback that I can improve. What exactly do you suggest I do to improve?"
Boss: "Impossible to improve you! You're the worst loser on earth! Go hang yourself!"
You: "Thank you, boss, for being so honest with me. It's rare that someone speaks so frankly in such a superficial society. I'm touched; you're really a good guy."
And so on. The principle is simple: you thank them, and you turn what they said in your favor by taking the concept and drawing some positive idea from their speech.
Another strategy I see in companies is the "third-degree interrogation."
Why did you do this? Why didn't you suggest that? Why don't you have enough results? We need more results! We need more work! Why why we need more we need more blah blah blah....
In this case, too, you just have to remember that you are only there to do your job, nothing more, nothing less. Anyway, you are probably already doing your best. You need to disassociate yourself from these meetings and consider them like bad weather or traffic jams: you wait for it to pass, but it doesn't affect your state of mind that much.
Always tell yourself that your responsibility is to do your job well. Everything else (strategies, deciding what needs to be done, what needs to be changed, how to get more results, etc.) is not your problem. Agree and ask for solutions: how can I do better exactly, what training do you recommend to improve my performance, what do you suggest? Throw the ball back into their court.
Here are some standard tactics used by management to put pressure on you without giving anything in return, and how to remedy them:
Boss: "Show us that you have team spirit"
Ask the question clearly: "Are we understaffed and do you want me to do the work of two people?" In this case, ask for the corresponding salary increase.
"Are some team members not competent enough, and do you want me to do their work?" Same thing.
Boss: "You'll gain experience."
You: "Yes, if I stay in this position, after two years I will have two years of experience. Experience increases for everyone with seniority. Whether I do overtime or not, my experience is the same" (well... in reality, if you do unpaid overtime, you will have the experience of being ripped off :-))
Boss: "You have to prove yourself"
This is a classic. When you are 40 with 20 years in the company and they still ask you to prove yourself, you will have understood the principle.
Boss: "Where will you be in 5 years?" (implying that if you work harder now, in 5 years we will remember your sacrifices and you will get a promotion, or you will get a raise, etc.)
You: "Well, in the current economy, you don't know where you will be in 5 years either." Ask for a precise career plan (if I do this today, what will I have in 6 months, 2 years, etc.).
Zenpratique.com
Posted online May 6, 2013.
Especially since, from what I hear, the standard solution adopted by many companies to cope with economic changes is to put more pressure on employees, hoping to get results without changing the model or strategy.
Not knowing exactly what "putting pressure" means, most bosses and managers end up simply being unpleasant and insulting their employees.
So, what is the Zen method for managing these kinds of situations?
Responsibility
In Buddhism, we often talk about taking responsibility. You are responsible for your life and what happens to you, etc., etc. This is a very good approach to personal development, and it allows us to regain control of our lives, since it is up to us to make the necessary changes.
On the other hand, in a professional situation where we are contractually obliged to obey instructions, the feeling of frustration can become unbearable.
In this case, it is better to limit your sense of responsibility. It's just a job. You are required to do your job to the best of your ability, under the conditions stipulated in your contract. It's not up to you to worry about the health of the company. It's important to isolate yourself from anything that is not your direct responsibility according to your position.
Learn to say "It's not my problem"
Next, regarding workplace moral harassment and the influence of a difficult boss, we can analyze two scenarios:
Daily pressure and frustration
The bad manager will often be confused; their instructions will not be clear, the company's vision is not clearly defined and communicated to employees. And of course, there's the age-old technique of "divide and conquer." A bad boss will alternately praise some employees and belittle others, distribute bonuses without any clear rationale, and try to turn employees against each other.
In the first case, it's mainly incompetence. This is where limiting your responsibilities and not taking the situation too much to heart comes into play. It's not your job. If you are courageous, you can try to talk to the manager to ask for clarifications, but it's at your own risk.
In the second case, you need to ensure good communication between employees and avoid getting caught up in the game of "today I praise you, tomorrow I criticize you."
Direct insults and criticism of work
It is important to identify even implied criticism and value judgments, that is, those that relate to attitude and tone of voice.
Your manager's job, even if they criticized your work, is to see you leave with a good attitude and clear instructions.
If you leave a meeting with your manager and feel uncomfortable, disgusted, or depressed, it's because they are incompetent.
Notice that I said "criticize your work." They have no right to criticize you personally. If at any time you feel personally attacked or detect a value judgment, immediately disregard what was said and disengage from any responsibility for the situation. Your work has nothing to do with your personality and identity.
A very useful NLP technique for this type of situation: reframing
You turn the sentence against your interlocutor by changing the meaning and significance of what they said (in this case, you change an insult into a useful compliment).
Example:
Boss: "Your work is awful! You're incompetent! Your presentation is rubbish!"
You: "Thank you, boss, for taking the time to correct my mistakes. It's thanks to this kind of constructive feedback that I can improve. What exactly do you suggest I do to improve?"
Boss: "Impossible to improve you! You're the worst loser on earth! Go hang yourself!"
You: "Thank you, boss, for being so honest with me. It's rare that someone speaks so frankly in such a superficial society. I'm touched; you're really a good guy."
And so on. The principle is simple: you thank them, and you turn what they said in your favor by taking the concept and drawing some positive idea from their speech.
Another strategy I see in companies is the "third-degree interrogation."
Why did you do this? Why didn't you suggest that? Why don't you have enough results? We need more results! We need more work! Why why we need more we need more blah blah blah....
In this case, too, you just have to remember that you are only there to do your job, nothing more, nothing less. Anyway, you are probably already doing your best. You need to disassociate yourself from these meetings and consider them like bad weather or traffic jams: you wait for it to pass, but it doesn't affect your state of mind that much.
Always tell yourself that your responsibility is to do your job well. Everything else (strategies, deciding what needs to be done, what needs to be changed, how to get more results, etc.) is not your problem. Agree and ask for solutions: how can I do better exactly, what training do you recommend to improve my performance, what do you suggest? Throw the ball back into their court.
Here are some standard tactics used by management to put pressure on you without giving anything in return, and how to remedy them:
Boss: "Show us that you have team spirit"
Ask the question clearly: "Are we understaffed and do you want me to do the work of two people?" In this case, ask for the corresponding salary increase.
"Are some team members not competent enough, and do you want me to do their work?" Same thing.
Boss: "You'll gain experience."
You: "Yes, if I stay in this position, after two years I will have two years of experience. Experience increases for everyone with seniority. Whether I do overtime or not, my experience is the same" (well... in reality, if you do unpaid overtime, you will have the experience of being ripped off :-))
Boss: "You have to prove yourself"
This is a classic. When you are 40 with 20 years in the company and they still ask you to prove yourself, you will have understood the principle.
Boss: "Where will you be in 5 years?" (implying that if you work harder now, in 5 years we will remember your sacrifices and you will get a promotion, or you will get a raise, etc.)
You: "Well, in the current economy, you don't know where you will be in 5 years either." Ask for a precise career plan (if I do this today, what will I have in 6 months, 2 years, etc.).
Zenpratique.com
Posted online May 6, 2013.
