Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay
17 December 2008
Read by 1776 persons
Good salary, comfortable social image, fear of unemployment, pleasant memories... But also bad atmosphere, lack of recognition, lack of prospects... You feel too good to leave your company, but not good enough to stay. Here are some precautions to take before escaping this "gilded cage".
"Too good to leave, not good enough to stay", the title of Mira Kirshenbaum's book (Marabout Editions) observing couples buried under routine, has some analogies with those employees who want to leave their company, without however resolving to do so. "At the beginning of their careers, executives' aspirations are fueled by novelty, responsibilities, and rapid evolution. If these elements are not present, they leave quickly", explains Paul Pyronnet, coach at Cohésion internationale. "But little by little, some settle into the comfort of work habits. Habit becomes a routine that gradually transforms into dissatisfaction." Discomfort can occur at the end of a mission, as in the case of Michel Sintes, who suffers from no longer having any objectives. It can also come from an unpleasant human context, a questionable company strategy, insufficient salary and statutory conditions, excessive work, or lack of interest in the position. "I found myself as a cupboard inspector!" jokes Sylvain, an employee of the PSA group.
STEPS TO BE IN ACCORDANCE WITH YOUR VALUES
Identify the six values that matter most to you. Example: freedom, recognition, efficiency, loyalty, learning, usefulness...
Faced with these disappointments, employees first try to adapt, then the discomfort becomes too strong. Some apply immediately to other companies or follow training courses. Others, unable to move, lament, criticize teams and bosses, or even enter into open conflict. "Some, on the other hand, go so far as to over-adapt to the system. Normal, these executives react to what makes them suffer. They are aware of what is wrong, but not of what they would like", analyzes Paul Pyronnet. To avoid this, put a little order in your aspirations.
Value Gap.
Do you feel torn? Start with an exercise of introspection. "Discomfort at work comes from the gap between a person's values and those conveyed by their job", affirms Didier Kahn, career management coach. Each person has, indeed, in mind a scale of values that is specific to them. It is up to you to define yours. Not always easy, because you are not the best observer of yourself." It is necessary to try to objectify the approach with external help. A coach or their entourage. "The training in NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) that I followed for eighteen months allowed me to know what was important to me in life: exchanging with others, being autonomous, creative, having fun... I had never asked myself the question until then and I was doing things for others rather than for myself", Jean-Noël Audoux, former research engineer at Schlumberger, still marvels. It then remains to confront this scale of values with that of your current professional situation. "If the values at the top of the two scales do not correspond, the person is particularly bad", affirms Didier Kahn.
Leave urgently or not?
It is better to calmly analyze the situation before cracking. An executive working for a large textile distributor with little scruples about the origin of its products, was an activist for the association "Ethics on the Label." Torn between his job and his aspirations, he ended up abruptly leaving his company. To avoid reaching this extreme, start by trying to reduce the gap between your values and those of your current job. Perhaps you have possibilities for internal evolution? If there is nothing to be expected from that side, try to look for alternative solutions. Danièle, a 55-year-old single woman, to whom no more interesting projects are entrusted, knows that she has very little hope of finding a job in her field without moving. She has therefore opted for extra-professional activities: pottery, painting, associative life... A way to compensate for self-denial during the hours spent in the company. But if, like Carole, your professional situation becomes unbearable, then you must leave. "I cry when I wake up and I go to work dragging my feet", she confesses painfully. Certain signs are unmistakable: stress, difficulty getting up, lack of motivation, should encourage you to consider leaving. "These situations of frustration or blockage can lead to psychosomatic illnesses", warns Florence Lautredou, career guidance coach. "People who stay despite their discomfort enter the masochistic sphere", specifies Willy Pasini, psychiatrist and author of "The Courage to Change".
Discovering the taste for change.
Leaving? Easy to say! It is often the fear of unemployment, the fear of not being up to the task, that blocks executives. This would trap 20 to 30% of them in positions that depress them, according to Florence Lautrédou. It is therefore necessary to help them to understand change differently. Those who need security and habits first see the inherent drawbacks of change. The higher the executive's social position, the more reluctant they are to leave their company. "Managers, like those at HP, who have experienced privileged situations focus their attention on the loss: high levels of responsibility, notoriety, attractive salaries", observes Paul Pyronnet. In addition, personal history is involved. "Those who seek stability have often suffered agonizing breakups in the past or, conversely, grown up in close-knit families", analyzes Willy Pasini. These passive and dependent executives find in the company a new family that they then find it difficult to leave. For these people, change is systematically equated with risk. It is necessary to help them to consider it as a resource", insists Willy Pasini. And to relativize. On the scale of a lifetime, the period devoted to changing course is painful but temporary.
Cutting the cord.
It is not easy, however, to break with one's habits, one's experiences, one's ways of thinking. This is all the more complicated since the investment has been significant. Isabelle, after spending seventeen years in a company, had to do this work of mourning: "I was asked to sacrifice my private life to the company and not to have children during the first three years. Then, I had to get out of this system and take a step back." Sometimes, this work takes years. "My period of indecision lasted three or four years. Much too long", testifies Jean-Noël Audoux, who finally left Schlumberger at the end of July. Difficult to escape the company's grip! Pierre knows something about it, he who, hanging over the void on a construction site, almost undid the knot to end it all.
However, there are other ways to free oneself: "An external event - a meeting, the departure of a spouse, a social plan, training assistance, a headhunter who finds you... - or internal, such as psychotherapy", observes Willy Pasini. Sylvie Garambois, an executive at HP, took advantage of a social plan to slip away. What decided her? The severance pay allowing her to look for another job. To cut the cord, sometimes it is enough to project oneself twenty years later. Nothing of all this can encourage you to take the plunge? Follow Paul Pyronnet's four pieces of advice: give meaning to what you are experiencing, that is to say, make this crisis an opportunity; define an area of action; connect with a different environment and, in the meantime, accept the other in their differences.
Prepare your project.
Above all, do not leave your job on a whim! You might not digest the break. "It is preferable to leave by choice rather than by flight, except in emergencies", advises Willy Pasini. "It is important to finish a company cycle (generally two or three years), unless you realize very quickly that you have made a mistake", adds Florence Lautredou. Prepare your project. "Without prior reflection, people can be influenced by their entourage and make bad choices", observes Didier Kahn. It is a question of getting rid of external influences to find your way. For this, you can first take a skills assessment. You are entitled to this every five years. This, if it is carried out seriously, will tell you whether you should look for a job in the same field or change your profession. "From the moment people question what is important to them, it is rare that they stay in the same position", however observes Paul Pyronnet. You can then follow career guidance coaching, do work on your aspirations with a psychotherapist. "We all have talents to exploit. But you have to be realistic, do something logical", advises Florence Lautrédou. Give yourself time to review your project. Test the market before leaving. Meet professionals working in the sectors of activity that attract you. And above all, test yourself! Does this desire for change correspond to a project that you really want to achieve? Is it a dream that you cherish in your spare time or a desire that borders on obsession? Do you have the necessary skills and motivation? Observe yourself: what have you done in the month preceding to get closer to your dream? This is what coaches call the reduction process.
Muriel Beaudoing
Posted online on December 17, 2008
usinenouvelle.com
"Too good to leave, not good enough to stay", the title of Mira Kirshenbaum's book (Marabout Editions) observing couples buried under routine, has some analogies with those employees who want to leave their company, without however resolving to do so. "At the beginning of their careers, executives' aspirations are fueled by novelty, responsibilities, and rapid evolution. If these elements are not present, they leave quickly", explains Paul Pyronnet, coach at Cohésion internationale. "But little by little, some settle into the comfort of work habits. Habit becomes a routine that gradually transforms into dissatisfaction." Discomfort can occur at the end of a mission, as in the case of Michel Sintes, who suffers from no longer having any objectives. It can also come from an unpleasant human context, a questionable company strategy, insufficient salary and statutory conditions, excessive work, or lack of interest in the position. "I found myself as a cupboard inspector!" jokes Sylvain, an employee of the PSA group.
STEPS TO BE IN ACCORDANCE WITH YOUR VALUES
Identify the six values that matter most to you. Example: freedom, recognition, efficiency, loyalty, learning, usefulness...
Faced with these disappointments, employees first try to adapt, then the discomfort becomes too strong. Some apply immediately to other companies or follow training courses. Others, unable to move, lament, criticize teams and bosses, or even enter into open conflict. "Some, on the other hand, go so far as to over-adapt to the system. Normal, these executives react to what makes them suffer. They are aware of what is wrong, but not of what they would like", analyzes Paul Pyronnet. To avoid this, put a little order in your aspirations.
Value Gap.
Do you feel torn? Start with an exercise of introspection. "Discomfort at work comes from the gap between a person's values and those conveyed by their job", affirms Didier Kahn, career management coach. Each person has, indeed, in mind a scale of values that is specific to them. It is up to you to define yours. Not always easy, because you are not the best observer of yourself." It is necessary to try to objectify the approach with external help. A coach or their entourage. "The training in NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) that I followed for eighteen months allowed me to know what was important to me in life: exchanging with others, being autonomous, creative, having fun... I had never asked myself the question until then and I was doing things for others rather than for myself", Jean-Noël Audoux, former research engineer at Schlumberger, still marvels. It then remains to confront this scale of values with that of your current professional situation. "If the values at the top of the two scales do not correspond, the person is particularly bad", affirms Didier Kahn.
Leave urgently or not?
It is better to calmly analyze the situation before cracking. An executive working for a large textile distributor with little scruples about the origin of its products, was an activist for the association "Ethics on the Label." Torn between his job and his aspirations, he ended up abruptly leaving his company. To avoid reaching this extreme, start by trying to reduce the gap between your values and those of your current job. Perhaps you have possibilities for internal evolution? If there is nothing to be expected from that side, try to look for alternative solutions. Danièle, a 55-year-old single woman, to whom no more interesting projects are entrusted, knows that she has very little hope of finding a job in her field without moving. She has therefore opted for extra-professional activities: pottery, painting, associative life... A way to compensate for self-denial during the hours spent in the company. But if, like Carole, your professional situation becomes unbearable, then you must leave. "I cry when I wake up and I go to work dragging my feet", she confesses painfully. Certain signs are unmistakable: stress, difficulty getting up, lack of motivation, should encourage you to consider leaving. "These situations of frustration or blockage can lead to psychosomatic illnesses", warns Florence Lautredou, career guidance coach. "People who stay despite their discomfort enter the masochistic sphere", specifies Willy Pasini, psychiatrist and author of "The Courage to Change".
Discovering the taste for change.
Leaving? Easy to say! It is often the fear of unemployment, the fear of not being up to the task, that blocks executives. This would trap 20 to 30% of them in positions that depress them, according to Florence Lautrédou. It is therefore necessary to help them to understand change differently. Those who need security and habits first see the inherent drawbacks of change. The higher the executive's social position, the more reluctant they are to leave their company. "Managers, like those at HP, who have experienced privileged situations focus their attention on the loss: high levels of responsibility, notoriety, attractive salaries", observes Paul Pyronnet. In addition, personal history is involved. "Those who seek stability have often suffered agonizing breakups in the past or, conversely, grown up in close-knit families", analyzes Willy Pasini. These passive and dependent executives find in the company a new family that they then find it difficult to leave. For these people, change is systematically equated with risk. It is necessary to help them to consider it as a resource", insists Willy Pasini. And to relativize. On the scale of a lifetime, the period devoted to changing course is painful but temporary.
Cutting the cord.
It is not easy, however, to break with one's habits, one's experiences, one's ways of thinking. This is all the more complicated since the investment has been significant. Isabelle, after spending seventeen years in a company, had to do this work of mourning: "I was asked to sacrifice my private life to the company and not to have children during the first three years. Then, I had to get out of this system and take a step back." Sometimes, this work takes years. "My period of indecision lasted three or four years. Much too long", testifies Jean-Noël Audoux, who finally left Schlumberger at the end of July. Difficult to escape the company's grip! Pierre knows something about it, he who, hanging over the void on a construction site, almost undid the knot to end it all.
However, there are other ways to free oneself: "An external event - a meeting, the departure of a spouse, a social plan, training assistance, a headhunter who finds you... - or internal, such as psychotherapy", observes Willy Pasini. Sylvie Garambois, an executive at HP, took advantage of a social plan to slip away. What decided her? The severance pay allowing her to look for another job. To cut the cord, sometimes it is enough to project oneself twenty years later. Nothing of all this can encourage you to take the plunge? Follow Paul Pyronnet's four pieces of advice: give meaning to what you are experiencing, that is to say, make this crisis an opportunity; define an area of action; connect with a different environment and, in the meantime, accept the other in their differences.
Prepare your project.
Above all, do not leave your job on a whim! You might not digest the break. "It is preferable to leave by choice rather than by flight, except in emergencies", advises Willy Pasini. "It is important to finish a company cycle (generally two or three years), unless you realize very quickly that you have made a mistake", adds Florence Lautredou. Prepare your project. "Without prior reflection, people can be influenced by their entourage and make bad choices", observes Didier Kahn. It is a question of getting rid of external influences to find your way. For this, you can first take a skills assessment. You are entitled to this every five years. This, if it is carried out seriously, will tell you whether you should look for a job in the same field or change your profession. "From the moment people question what is important to them, it is rare that they stay in the same position", however observes Paul Pyronnet. You can then follow career guidance coaching, do work on your aspirations with a psychotherapist. "We all have talents to exploit. But you have to be realistic, do something logical", advises Florence Lautrédou. Give yourself time to review your project. Test the market before leaving. Meet professionals working in the sectors of activity that attract you. And above all, test yourself! Does this desire for change correspond to a project that you really want to achieve? Is it a dream that you cherish in your spare time or a desire that borders on obsession? Do you have the necessary skills and motivation? Observe yourself: what have you done in the month preceding to get closer to your dream? This is what coaches call the reduction process.
Muriel Beaudoing
Posted online on December 17, 2008
usinenouvelle.com
