Flattery? Yes, but subtly!
24 July 2011
Read by 1435 persons
With equal skills, some succeed better than others. Their secret: political sense and the art of a well-turned compliment. Like them, learn to flatter with finesse.
Overnight, Bertrand, a manager in a telecoms company, changed his habits to adopt those... of his new boss. A golf enthusiast, he became a football fan and even subscribed to "L'Equipe". To resemble him, he started wearing suits from the same tailor. His superior could have taken umbrage at such mimicry and questioned the purity of his intentions. But, clever, Bertrand was helpful, always ready to highlight his boss's achievements. A skillful campaign from which he quickly reaped the rewards: his boss, convinced of having found someone who shared his vision, made him his right-hand man after a few months.
While morality disapproves of flattery, this age-old practice has proven itself. Because making a good impression is indeed a necessary - although not sufficient - condition for obtaining a promotion or a raise. But how do you go about it to avoid being categorized by your colleagues? How far should you go to avoid annoying those you flatter and ending up completely discredited? There's no question of simply offering compliments at the slightest opportunity. The art of flattery is more complex. It requires finesse and a sense of timing. Here are some tips to help you master this age-old discipline.
Identify the most interesting targets
Think first of your direct superior: he is responsible for the evolution of your salary and your career. But it would be unwise to limit yourself to him! The reason is simple: he is the most obvious target, but also the most visible. Your colleagues would quickly mock your approaches... Identify other people who could be useful to you. Notably a contact at HR. "You will thus be kept informed of internal opportunities and you will be able to advance your pawns before others," observes Ricardo Croati, coach at France Training.
Don't lose sight of the fact that a relationship is built over the long term. "Some employees suddenly become friendly with me at the end of the year, just before the raise period!" laughs Armand Mennechet, HR director of the Assembly of French Chambers of Commerce and Industry.
Be a shrewd strategist
Start by making contact with your target in a casual way, at the coffee machine, for example. Then offer to have lunch with them. Gain the favor of their assistant by showering them with attention. "She got you an appointment with him even though his schedule was full? Send her a thank-you email," suggests Olivier de Clermont-Tonnerre, director of Atomos (professional development consulting). You'll make her an ally."
Don't forget your boss's boss. He too could prove to be a powerful ally. Introduce yourself to him by explaining your function, your achievements, how you work daily with your boss... "Make sure you never give the impression of bypassing your hierarchical superior," warns Yves Maire du Poset, president of Piloter-macarrière.com. If you have to, for example, send emails to this n+2, always put the first one in cc."
Create the conditions for rapprochement
To flatter effectively, you must establish a certain connivance with your interlocutor. "I saw a manager take flying lessons just because his boss did it," says Ricardo Croati. Without going that far, finding common interests will make it possible to build more personal relationships with a superior. Be careful, your new enthusiasm for kitesurfing or chess will suffer no flaw, otherwise you will diminish your credibility.
"I am passionate about beautiful watches," says Patrick Mathieu, head of France, Benelux and North Africa activity at Iomega (computer storage). A salesperson on my team claimed to share this passion. I quickly realized that he didn't even know what a Patek Philippe (luxury Swiss watch brand) was. I sent him packing by telling him that making that kind of mistake with a client would be unforgivable..."
Keep in mind that the goal is not to highlight yourself but your boss. So, there is no need to flaunt your knowledge. Know how to even stay in the background at certain times. A subtle balance that Charles, sales manager for a luxury clothing brand, has learned to find: "My boss is a woman. I give her my opinion on trends, inform her of new things. Above all, I let her believe that she is making discoveries, even if it is not entirely true. She thus feels that she keeps the upper hand."
Make yourself indispensable
Keep your superior informed of the progress of your work, forward your important emails to them in cc... In short, never leave them in the dark about what you are doing, even if it means bordering on excessive zeal. The goal is to highlight yourself and, above all, to show that you consider them as an indispensable link in the chain and that you cannot do without them.
Often ask for their advice - without asking too basic questions, so as not to appear incompetent - and don't forget to then tell them how their help proved valuable. "I had to speak at a conference cycle, an exercise in which my superior is experienced," says Sandra, a wealth management officer. So I consulted her. Afterwards, I told her which of her comments had been particularly helpful. I felt that she was very flattered."
Do a little too much, while maintaining a certain discernment. "A manager's time is precious. Showing that you are aware of this will highlight them," explains Yves Maire du Poset. So avoid asking for help if you feel they are watching the clock.
Another trick to cleverly position yourself: adapt to your boss's rhythm. Do they arrive first in the morning? A seasoned flatterer knows how to spot the most opportune moments. So arrive a little earlier and take advantage of this moment when you are alone with them to reiterate how much the project they are leading interests you...
Look for every opportunity to distinguish yourself
Your boss asks in a meeting who wants to take charge of an ultra-sensitive project. Your colleagues avert their gaze. Volunteer! This will remove a thorn from their side. And seeing you helpful, always ready to help them out, will relieve them of stress. "During a call for tenders for which we were not the favorites, I agreed to work a week without counting," says Matthieu, artistic director in an advertising agency. We finally won it. My dedication proved worthwhile since my superior entrusted me with larger budgets."
Gradually, adopt the posture of a resourceful second-in-command. "As a former HEC graduate, I have a good network that I use extensively to benefit my CEO," says Julien, development director of a marketing agency. But I take care to do so without putting myself forward." Similarly, seize opportunities to highlight the boss's work.
In a meeting, do they take credit for the success of one of your projects? Applaud them with the others. If they notice your elegant silence, they will appreciate it and consider you a trustworthy person. Apparently, you will have effaced yourself. But you will now have a debtor and will be able to benefit from it later.
Find the arguments that hit the mark
You don't act the same way with an extroverted boss as you do with a rather reserved boss. The former will appreciate that you come to their office every morning to exchange a few words, that you are interested in them... "With the latter, on the other hand, it is better to be more discreet. Don't jump on them as soon as they return from an important meeting to find out how it went. Wait for them to ask you," recommends Sophie André, HR consultant at SOF Exception.
Another element to assess: the degree of sensitivity to flattery of your target. If they tend to withdraw as soon as they see a compliment coming, your attempts at seduction will make them uncomfortable and could even prove counterproductive. "In this case, just listen to what your superior is telling you and bounce back in a way that highlights some of their points of view," advises Jean-Louis Müller, associate director at Cegos.
Finally, know that many thirty-somethings are allergic to flattery. "Not because it makes them uncomfortable, but because they live in a culture of results," explains Francis Boyer, coach at Dynêsens (training and coaching). With them, talk numbers, concrete evolutions... While remaining synthetic, because they are also very impatient."
With those you don't see every day, opportunities to flatter are rarer, so you must redouble your efficiency! Conduct an investigation to show yourself capable, when the time comes, of flattering them intelligently. And take advantage of events where the whole company is gathered to take action. "If, caught off guard, you lack arguments, simply take an interest in your interlocutor," adds Jean-Louis Müller. Make them talk about themselves, take an inspired air... In general, it is effective." And don't forget to subtly slip into the conversation how they could be useful to you.
Subtly neutralize your rivals
To gain influence, you must not only stand out, but also neutralize your colleagues, without them suspecting your maneuvers. To reach the ultimate stage of flattery, act in two stages. With your counterparts, always show yourself ready to give advice or a helping hand, as you do with your superior. You will save appearances but will take care to only render small services, which cost you little.
Also share lunches and coffee breaks with them. You will appear as someone likeable and you will gather, in passing, information that could be useful to your boss. Because the true flatterer is a false nice guy. And they will not hesitate, if necessary, to play the role of Moscow's eye for their boss... It is not a question of playing the viper's tongue: if your colleagues were to find out, you would sign your social death.
Be Machiavellian. Distill your information - obviously verified - sparingly and, of course, only when you are alone with your boss. Also, choose them well. "I appreciated it when one of my employees warned me that one of his colleagues was diverting products for his personal account," assures Patrick Mathieu, of Iomega. On the other hand, I hate it when rumors or gossip are passed on to me."
Form, finally, is important. In order not to arouse suspicion, favor phrases such as: "This bothers me because I appreciate François very much. I wouldn't tell you if it didn't disrupt the service, but I feel you should be kept informed..." You are not trying to harm, on the contrary, you want to help. And if it fails, do as Agnan, in "Le Petit Nicolas": put on your glasses to escape reprisals.
Gaëlle Renouvel.
Posted online July 24, 2011.
Capital.fr
Overnight, Bertrand, a manager in a telecoms company, changed his habits to adopt those... of his new boss. A golf enthusiast, he became a football fan and even subscribed to "L'Equipe". To resemble him, he started wearing suits from the same tailor. His superior could have taken umbrage at such mimicry and questioned the purity of his intentions. But, clever, Bertrand was helpful, always ready to highlight his boss's achievements. A skillful campaign from which he quickly reaped the rewards: his boss, convinced of having found someone who shared his vision, made him his right-hand man after a few months.
While morality disapproves of flattery, this age-old practice has proven itself. Because making a good impression is indeed a necessary - although not sufficient - condition for obtaining a promotion or a raise. But how do you go about it to avoid being categorized by your colleagues? How far should you go to avoid annoying those you flatter and ending up completely discredited? There's no question of simply offering compliments at the slightest opportunity. The art of flattery is more complex. It requires finesse and a sense of timing. Here are some tips to help you master this age-old discipline.
Identify the most interesting targets
Think first of your direct superior: he is responsible for the evolution of your salary and your career. But it would be unwise to limit yourself to him! The reason is simple: he is the most obvious target, but also the most visible. Your colleagues would quickly mock your approaches... Identify other people who could be useful to you. Notably a contact at HR. "You will thus be kept informed of internal opportunities and you will be able to advance your pawns before others," observes Ricardo Croati, coach at France Training.
Don't lose sight of the fact that a relationship is built over the long term. "Some employees suddenly become friendly with me at the end of the year, just before the raise period!" laughs Armand Mennechet, HR director of the Assembly of French Chambers of Commerce and Industry.
Be a shrewd strategist
Start by making contact with your target in a casual way, at the coffee machine, for example. Then offer to have lunch with them. Gain the favor of their assistant by showering them with attention. "She got you an appointment with him even though his schedule was full? Send her a thank-you email," suggests Olivier de Clermont-Tonnerre, director of Atomos (professional development consulting). You'll make her an ally."
Don't forget your boss's boss. He too could prove to be a powerful ally. Introduce yourself to him by explaining your function, your achievements, how you work daily with your boss... "Make sure you never give the impression of bypassing your hierarchical superior," warns Yves Maire du Poset, president of Piloter-macarrière.com. If you have to, for example, send emails to this n+2, always put the first one in cc."
Create the conditions for rapprochement
To flatter effectively, you must establish a certain connivance with your interlocutor. "I saw a manager take flying lessons just because his boss did it," says Ricardo Croati. Without going that far, finding common interests will make it possible to build more personal relationships with a superior. Be careful, your new enthusiasm for kitesurfing or chess will suffer no flaw, otherwise you will diminish your credibility.
"I am passionate about beautiful watches," says Patrick Mathieu, head of France, Benelux and North Africa activity at Iomega (computer storage). A salesperson on my team claimed to share this passion. I quickly realized that he didn't even know what a Patek Philippe (luxury Swiss watch brand) was. I sent him packing by telling him that making that kind of mistake with a client would be unforgivable..."
Keep in mind that the goal is not to highlight yourself but your boss. So, there is no need to flaunt your knowledge. Know how to even stay in the background at certain times. A subtle balance that Charles, sales manager for a luxury clothing brand, has learned to find: "My boss is a woman. I give her my opinion on trends, inform her of new things. Above all, I let her believe that she is making discoveries, even if it is not entirely true. She thus feels that she keeps the upper hand."
Make yourself indispensable
Keep your superior informed of the progress of your work, forward your important emails to them in cc... In short, never leave them in the dark about what you are doing, even if it means bordering on excessive zeal. The goal is to highlight yourself and, above all, to show that you consider them as an indispensable link in the chain and that you cannot do without them.
Often ask for their advice - without asking too basic questions, so as not to appear incompetent - and don't forget to then tell them how their help proved valuable. "I had to speak at a conference cycle, an exercise in which my superior is experienced," says Sandra, a wealth management officer. So I consulted her. Afterwards, I told her which of her comments had been particularly helpful. I felt that she was very flattered."
Do a little too much, while maintaining a certain discernment. "A manager's time is precious. Showing that you are aware of this will highlight them," explains Yves Maire du Poset. So avoid asking for help if you feel they are watching the clock.
Another trick to cleverly position yourself: adapt to your boss's rhythm. Do they arrive first in the morning? A seasoned flatterer knows how to spot the most opportune moments. So arrive a little earlier and take advantage of this moment when you are alone with them to reiterate how much the project they are leading interests you...
Look for every opportunity to distinguish yourself
Your boss asks in a meeting who wants to take charge of an ultra-sensitive project. Your colleagues avert their gaze. Volunteer! This will remove a thorn from their side. And seeing you helpful, always ready to help them out, will relieve them of stress. "During a call for tenders for which we were not the favorites, I agreed to work a week without counting," says Matthieu, artistic director in an advertising agency. We finally won it. My dedication proved worthwhile since my superior entrusted me with larger budgets."
Gradually, adopt the posture of a resourceful second-in-command. "As a former HEC graduate, I have a good network that I use extensively to benefit my CEO," says Julien, development director of a marketing agency. But I take care to do so without putting myself forward." Similarly, seize opportunities to highlight the boss's work.
In a meeting, do they take credit for the success of one of your projects? Applaud them with the others. If they notice your elegant silence, they will appreciate it and consider you a trustworthy person. Apparently, you will have effaced yourself. But you will now have a debtor and will be able to benefit from it later.
Find the arguments that hit the mark
You don't act the same way with an extroverted boss as you do with a rather reserved boss. The former will appreciate that you come to their office every morning to exchange a few words, that you are interested in them... "With the latter, on the other hand, it is better to be more discreet. Don't jump on them as soon as they return from an important meeting to find out how it went. Wait for them to ask you," recommends Sophie André, HR consultant at SOF Exception.
Another element to assess: the degree of sensitivity to flattery of your target. If they tend to withdraw as soon as they see a compliment coming, your attempts at seduction will make them uncomfortable and could even prove counterproductive. "In this case, just listen to what your superior is telling you and bounce back in a way that highlights some of their points of view," advises Jean-Louis Müller, associate director at Cegos.
Finally, know that many thirty-somethings are allergic to flattery. "Not because it makes them uncomfortable, but because they live in a culture of results," explains Francis Boyer, coach at Dynêsens (training and coaching). With them, talk numbers, concrete evolutions... While remaining synthetic, because they are also very impatient."
With those you don't see every day, opportunities to flatter are rarer, so you must redouble your efficiency! Conduct an investigation to show yourself capable, when the time comes, of flattering them intelligently. And take advantage of events where the whole company is gathered to take action. "If, caught off guard, you lack arguments, simply take an interest in your interlocutor," adds Jean-Louis Müller. Make them talk about themselves, take an inspired air... In general, it is effective." And don't forget to subtly slip into the conversation how they could be useful to you.
Subtly neutralize your rivals
To gain influence, you must not only stand out, but also neutralize your colleagues, without them suspecting your maneuvers. To reach the ultimate stage of flattery, act in two stages. With your counterparts, always show yourself ready to give advice or a helping hand, as you do with your superior. You will save appearances but will take care to only render small services, which cost you little.
Also share lunches and coffee breaks with them. You will appear as someone likeable and you will gather, in passing, information that could be useful to your boss. Because the true flatterer is a false nice guy. And they will not hesitate, if necessary, to play the role of Moscow's eye for their boss... It is not a question of playing the viper's tongue: if your colleagues were to find out, you would sign your social death.
Be Machiavellian. Distill your information - obviously verified - sparingly and, of course, only when you are alone with your boss. Also, choose them well. "I appreciated it when one of my employees warned me that one of his colleagues was diverting products for his personal account," assures Patrick Mathieu, of Iomega. On the other hand, I hate it when rumors or gossip are passed on to me."
Form, finally, is important. In order not to arouse suspicion, favor phrases such as: "This bothers me because I appreciate François very much. I wouldn't tell you if it didn't disrupt the service, but I feel you should be kept informed..." You are not trying to harm, on the contrary, you want to help. And if it fails, do as Agnan, in "Le Petit Nicolas": put on your glasses to escape reprisals.
Gaëlle Renouvel.
Posted online July 24, 2011.
Capital.fr
