When our personal history affects the workplace.
30 July 2012
Read by 1540 persons
Events from our childhood and our relationships with family members have shaped each of us, influencing how we react and communicate with people in our personal and professional lives.
We see echoes of our past in our relationships with managers and how we behave in teams. Understanding the foundations of our personality helps us identify what we are "replaying" in our daily professional lives, leading to a better experience at work.
Our manager, a parental figure
It is common to unknowingly develop a parent-child-like relationship with our superiors. In some professional situations, this can be detrimental.
Consider a directive manager who expresses demands bluntly. Depending on the individual's family background, their reactions can vary greatly. Someone who suffered from an overbearing parent during childhood may either develop rebellious behavior, causing friction with their manager, or become submissive, leading to stress and overwork. Someone who grew up with one parent overshadowing the other might struggle to receive instructions from their manager. Conversely, someone who suffered from an absent parent may desperately want to please their manager.
Whatever the configuration, this bias in the relationship with a manager can have unproductive consequences: failure to execute action plans, subjectivity in decision-making, silence due to fear of disapproval... By acknowledging these potential self-perpetuating mechanisms, we can foster healthier hierarchical relationships with our superiors.
Our team, our siblings
Teamwork can sometimes mirror situations we experienced with our siblings. Who hasn't seen a colleague take a new team member under their wing? This person may have had younger siblings they cared for. An adult who lacked personal attention in their family as a child may exhibit certain personality traits in the workplace: inhibition, self-effacement, fear of interpersonal relationships, difficulty speaking publicly, difficulty sharing information, and asserting their ideas...
There are obviously other explanations for such behaviors, but personal history and relationships with our "first peers" should be considered when aiming for change.
Our need to be loved
The desire for love and acceptance varies among individuals, depending on their life experiences. At work, recognition from our colleagues is essential to our motivation. This need for recognition may be stronger in individuals with emotional deficits stemming from their past. Many family situations can lead to this lack of love—parents working long hours, the death of a parent, etc.—and the repercussions in their daily professional lives can be challenging: lack of self-confidence, feelings of self-devaluation, feelings of persecution, sensitivity, feeling inadequate...
We don't all react in the same way: others may develop a need to overvalue themselves, to be admired, to claim sole responsibility for all successes...
Whether they devalue or overvalue themselves, these narcisistically fragile personalities often create difficulties for those around them. Understanding the causes of their behavior allows for adapted dialogue and helps them gradually modify their behavior.
The time we have left
Our relationship with time plays an essential role in shaping our professional personality. Our operational skills largely depend on our ability to manage time. This passing time inevitably reminds us of the time we have left.
In some individuals who have experienced a brutal or premature confrontation with death (due to bereavement, for example), this issue creates anxiety that they may combat by becoming hyperactive, driven by a need to live fast and intensely. This impacts their behavior at work, which can be difficult for others: a multitude of ideas and projects, lack of precision, neglect of detail, distractibility, disorganization, difficulty concentrating, inconsistency in action plans, systematic lateness to meetings... Such profiles, usually very dynamic, can be powerful sources of inspiration for their team. However, they can also lead to rapid exhaustion and general discouragement, as they are difficult to follow. Guiding them, getting them to reflect on their relationship with time, helps them learn to slow down.
Our past experiences have shaped our personality. Our childhood played a particularly significant role in this process. Our relationships with others are rooted in it. Taking the time for personal reflection on the traces of our past allows us to understand what makes us who we are and remove many obstacles to our success.
Rodéric Maubras, Professional Development Coach
Etre-bien-au-travail.fr
Published October 14, 2011.
Posted online July 30, 2012.
We see echoes of our past in our relationships with managers and how we behave in teams. Understanding the foundations of our personality helps us identify what we are "replaying" in our daily professional lives, leading to a better experience at work.
Our manager, a parental figure
It is common to unknowingly develop a parent-child-like relationship with our superiors. In some professional situations, this can be detrimental.
Consider a directive manager who expresses demands bluntly. Depending on the individual's family background, their reactions can vary greatly. Someone who suffered from an overbearing parent during childhood may either develop rebellious behavior, causing friction with their manager, or become submissive, leading to stress and overwork. Someone who grew up with one parent overshadowing the other might struggle to receive instructions from their manager. Conversely, someone who suffered from an absent parent may desperately want to please their manager.
Whatever the configuration, this bias in the relationship with a manager can have unproductive consequences: failure to execute action plans, subjectivity in decision-making, silence due to fear of disapproval... By acknowledging these potential self-perpetuating mechanisms, we can foster healthier hierarchical relationships with our superiors.
Our team, our siblings
Teamwork can sometimes mirror situations we experienced with our siblings. Who hasn't seen a colleague take a new team member under their wing? This person may have had younger siblings they cared for. An adult who lacked personal attention in their family as a child may exhibit certain personality traits in the workplace: inhibition, self-effacement, fear of interpersonal relationships, difficulty speaking publicly, difficulty sharing information, and asserting their ideas...
There are obviously other explanations for such behaviors, but personal history and relationships with our "first peers" should be considered when aiming for change.
Our need to be loved
The desire for love and acceptance varies among individuals, depending on their life experiences. At work, recognition from our colleagues is essential to our motivation. This need for recognition may be stronger in individuals with emotional deficits stemming from their past. Many family situations can lead to this lack of love—parents working long hours, the death of a parent, etc.—and the repercussions in their daily professional lives can be challenging: lack of self-confidence, feelings of self-devaluation, feelings of persecution, sensitivity, feeling inadequate...
We don't all react in the same way: others may develop a need to overvalue themselves, to be admired, to claim sole responsibility for all successes...
Whether they devalue or overvalue themselves, these narcisistically fragile personalities often create difficulties for those around them. Understanding the causes of their behavior allows for adapted dialogue and helps them gradually modify their behavior.
The time we have left
Our relationship with time plays an essential role in shaping our professional personality. Our operational skills largely depend on our ability to manage time. This passing time inevitably reminds us of the time we have left.
In some individuals who have experienced a brutal or premature confrontation with death (due to bereavement, for example), this issue creates anxiety that they may combat by becoming hyperactive, driven by a need to live fast and intensely. This impacts their behavior at work, which can be difficult for others: a multitude of ideas and projects, lack of precision, neglect of detail, distractibility, disorganization, difficulty concentrating, inconsistency in action plans, systematic lateness to meetings... Such profiles, usually very dynamic, can be powerful sources of inspiration for their team. However, they can also lead to rapid exhaustion and general discouragement, as they are difficult to follow. Guiding them, getting them to reflect on their relationship with time, helps them learn to slow down.
Our past experiences have shaped our personality. Our childhood played a particularly significant role in this process. Our relationships with others are rooted in it. Taking the time for personal reflection on the traces of our past allows us to understand what makes us who we are and remove many obstacles to our success.
Rodéric Maubras, Professional Development Coach
Etre-bien-au-travail.fr
Published October 14, 2011.
Posted online July 30, 2012.
