When to switch from formal to informal address?
8 August 2011
Read by 2194 persons
In the business world, the question of using informal address can sometimes be complex. Here are some tips on how to adapt tactfully to your interlocutors' status.
The anecdote is famous. To an activist who asked him, "Can I use informal address?", François Mitterrand, then First Secretary of the PS, coldly replied, "If you wish". When is the right time to switch? And how to choose the words? Switching from formal to informal address with a colleague, superior or client is a delicate exercise. According to ethnologist Denis Guigo, author of a sociological study at Peugeot, there are three implicit barriers to informal address: age differences, gender, and hierarchical level. As soon as these overlap, crossing them becomes problematic. Thus, a manager will more easily use informal address with a superior of the same age than with a more mature subordinate, especially if the difference in status is significant (one never uses informal address with a cleaning lady or the big boss).
To avoid appearing stiff or too familiar, it is not enough to know the customs in place in the company. Informal address is also a matter of social background, cultural references and upbringing. Here are a few suggestions for switching from "vous" to "tu" while avoiding missteps.
With a client: beware of excessive closeness
"I had known my client for five years," says Thomas, a consultant. "One day, she used informal address without realizing it. I took advantage of it to suggest switching to informal address." This closeness can be double-edged: the client allows you to forge a privileged bond with them, giving you an advantage over your competitors, but it can also make things more difficult when it comes to renegotiating a price or contract. How to refuse if the idea comes from them? Explain that it's a matter of principle: "I appreciate the suggestion, but I make it a rule to use formal address with all my clients."
With a colleague: take advantage of a moment of complicity
Is formal address the norm in your sector? Even so, it is still possible to use informal address with colleagues you feel close to. Wait for the right context: after a week of working together on a project, for example. Then, find the right words. You can try, casually: "Maybe we could switch to informal address?" Or, if you haven't seen the person for a while, try: "I don't remember: do we use formal or informal address?"
With a superior: as a general rule, let them take the initiative
The rule is simple: the decision always rests with the superior. So wait for them to suggest it. If you sense an affinity between you, you can try to take the initiative, but make sure they are not granting you this privilege against their will. If, on the other hand, they use informal address with you from the outset, don't think that this authorizes you to imitate them. It all depends on the sector. In construction, the boss uses informal address with their subordinates, but the latter use formal address with them. Whereas in IT, advertising and communication, "tu" is generalized, from the receptionist to the CEO.
Does using informal address with a superior make you uncomfortable? In that case, abstain: by forcing your nature too much, you risk constantly oscillating between "vous" and "tu", not without a certain ridicule. Unless, of course, your boss insists that you use informal address. By stubbornly resisting, you would set yourself apart and give an impression of being stiff or haughty.
Remarks by Olivier de Clermont-Tonnerre, collected by Camille Brimbelles
Published July 25, 2011.
Posted online August 8, 2011.
Capital.fr
The anecdote is famous. To an activist who asked him, "Can I use informal address?", François Mitterrand, then First Secretary of the PS, coldly replied, "If you wish". When is the right time to switch? And how to choose the words? Switching from formal to informal address with a colleague, superior or client is a delicate exercise. According to ethnologist Denis Guigo, author of a sociological study at Peugeot, there are three implicit barriers to informal address: age differences, gender, and hierarchical level. As soon as these overlap, crossing them becomes problematic. Thus, a manager will more easily use informal address with a superior of the same age than with a more mature subordinate, especially if the difference in status is significant (one never uses informal address with a cleaning lady or the big boss).
To avoid appearing stiff or too familiar, it is not enough to know the customs in place in the company. Informal address is also a matter of social background, cultural references and upbringing. Here are a few suggestions for switching from "vous" to "tu" while avoiding missteps.
With a client: beware of excessive closeness
"I had known my client for five years," says Thomas, a consultant. "One day, she used informal address without realizing it. I took advantage of it to suggest switching to informal address." This closeness can be double-edged: the client allows you to forge a privileged bond with them, giving you an advantage over your competitors, but it can also make things more difficult when it comes to renegotiating a price or contract. How to refuse if the idea comes from them? Explain that it's a matter of principle: "I appreciate the suggestion, but I make it a rule to use formal address with all my clients."
With a colleague: take advantage of a moment of complicity
Is formal address the norm in your sector? Even so, it is still possible to use informal address with colleagues you feel close to. Wait for the right context: after a week of working together on a project, for example. Then, find the right words. You can try, casually: "Maybe we could switch to informal address?" Or, if you haven't seen the person for a while, try: "I don't remember: do we use formal or informal address?"
With a superior: as a general rule, let them take the initiative
The rule is simple: the decision always rests with the superior. So wait for them to suggest it. If you sense an affinity between you, you can try to take the initiative, but make sure they are not granting you this privilege against their will. If, on the other hand, they use informal address with you from the outset, don't think that this authorizes you to imitate them. It all depends on the sector. In construction, the boss uses informal address with their subordinates, but the latter use formal address with them. Whereas in IT, advertising and communication, "tu" is generalized, from the receptionist to the CEO.
Does using informal address with a superior make you uncomfortable? In that case, abstain: by forcing your nature too much, you risk constantly oscillating between "vous" and "tu", not without a certain ridicule. Unless, of course, your boss insists that you use informal address. By stubbornly resisting, you would set yourself apart and give an impression of being stiff or haughty.
Remarks by Olivier de Clermont-Tonnerre, collected by Camille Brimbelles
Published July 25, 2011.
Posted online August 8, 2011.
Capital.fr
