When a loved one is unemployed...
2 October 2014
Read by 2760 persons
How to support a loved one who has just lost their job in overcoming the ordeal of unemployment? Advice from Hélène Vecchiali, psychoanalyst and coach.
What does losing one's job represent?
It is first important to know the context in which the person lost their job. If they are unemployed as part of an economic layoff, for example, the impact will be painful, but less severe. The absence of guilt will allow them to recover faster.
However, if one loses their job due to a fault or incompetence, it will trigger a questioning of their professional and even personal identity: "I was sanctioned, so I am not up to par, am I still valuable or even likeable?" Existential questions are therefore raised.
But in both cases, losing one's job represents a trauma because one loses, temporarily, a part of one's identity, one's security, and it is a part of one's life that is called to change.
What attitude should the entourage adopt to help the unemployed person?
First thing to do, do not minimize what is happening to them, with reactions like: "It's not serious, you'll quickly find something else..." You cannot hear the comforting support of others if you have not spoken yourself, if you have not evacuated your own anxieties and doubts.
It is therefore necessary to listen to the other person, to welcome their words with empathy and even with benevolent curiosity. Because the one who loses their job experiences a period of mourning, more or less short, but during which it is extremely important to listen to them, without being pitying. And by silencing one's own apprehensions because unemployment always arouses in others the fear of contagion.
And once this mourning period is over?
The entourage must then help the unemployed person to give birth to themselves, to find a new meaning to their life and to understand how this job loss can be transformed into an opportunity for them.
It is therefore necessary to encourage all questioning: "What are your dreams, your desires in terms of profession, what frustrations have you experienced that you do not wish to experience again..." This period must be one of rebirth, where all dreams are allowed.
Then you have to look at what underlies these dreams. While it is often difficult to completely change careers, it is necessary to understand why a particular sector seems attractive: reputation, relationships with others, creativity... And from there, put in place everything that is necessary to achieve this change.
This step marks the return to reality, and above all, the acceptance that the ordeal suffered by the loss of one's job can be the occasion for a new bounce in life.
Psychologies.com
Posted online on October 2, 2014.
What does losing one's job represent?
It is first important to know the context in which the person lost their job. If they are unemployed as part of an economic layoff, for example, the impact will be painful, but less severe. The absence of guilt will allow them to recover faster.
However, if one loses their job due to a fault or incompetence, it will trigger a questioning of their professional and even personal identity: "I was sanctioned, so I am not up to par, am I still valuable or even likeable?" Existential questions are therefore raised.
But in both cases, losing one's job represents a trauma because one loses, temporarily, a part of one's identity, one's security, and it is a part of one's life that is called to change.
What attitude should the entourage adopt to help the unemployed person?
First thing to do, do not minimize what is happening to them, with reactions like: "It's not serious, you'll quickly find something else..." You cannot hear the comforting support of others if you have not spoken yourself, if you have not evacuated your own anxieties and doubts.
It is therefore necessary to listen to the other person, to welcome their words with empathy and even with benevolent curiosity. Because the one who loses their job experiences a period of mourning, more or less short, but during which it is extremely important to listen to them, without being pitying. And by silencing one's own apprehensions because unemployment always arouses in others the fear of contagion.
And once this mourning period is over?
The entourage must then help the unemployed person to give birth to themselves, to find a new meaning to their life and to understand how this job loss can be transformed into an opportunity for them.
It is therefore necessary to encourage all questioning: "What are your dreams, your desires in terms of profession, what frustrations have you experienced that you do not wish to experience again..." This period must be one of rebirth, where all dreams are allowed.
Then you have to look at what underlies these dreams. While it is often difficult to completely change careers, it is necessary to understand why a particular sector seems attractive: reputation, relationships with others, creativity... And from there, put in place everything that is necessary to achieve this change.
This step marks the return to reality, and above all, the acceptance that the ordeal suffered by the loss of one's job can be the occasion for a new bounce in life.
Psychologies.com
Posted online on October 2, 2014.
