Resolving a conflict with a colleague
17 January 2012
Read by 2039 persons
At work, as in our private lives, conflict sometimes arises. But let's not lose sight of the fact that it is not negative in itself. Perhaps it is even positive if it helps to clear up and clarify latent tensions, to disarm latent emotions, to do some cleaning, in short.
Rule number 1: check that it is not a misunderstanding
The company is a place of pressure, stress, urgency. We don't necessarily take the time to be pleasant or polite when stressed, tired, or facing a bad day. It is good to know that, in most cases, conflict stems from a misunderstanding. We project intentions that are not the real ones... We often attribute to the other emotions that are, after all, only those that we fear.
Rule number 2: discuss
There is no need to wait for things to clear up and improve on their own. Unfortunately, the opposite usually happens. Dare to put the subject of disagreement on the table and go see the person to discuss it calmly. Remain calm and objective. Rethink the events and the situation calmly. Pride and anger are bad advisors. Put yourself, for a few moments, in your interlocutor's shoes. This will help you to understand and express yourself. Above all, remember not to portray yourself as a victim. This would diminish you in the eyes of the other person, but also in your own eyes.
Rule number 3: be direct but diplomatic
Don't start the conversation with: "I'm tired of working with you under these conditions". Say rather: "It would be good if we worked together in a good atmosphere." Rather than saying "you don't give me the information on time", prefer "I'm annoyed because when I receive the information late, it blocks me in the progress of the files".
Don't beat around the bush. If you have a problem, express it without beating around the bush, citing specific facts, with well-defined outlines. Don't get lost, don't get distracted by details.
Also mention the repercussions this situation has on your work and try, together, to determine them. It's not about putting your colleague in a justifying situation, but about exchanging, dialoguing. As equals.
Use a non-aggressive tone and don't hesitate to rephrase your interlocutor's words to make sure you have understood them correctly. Remember to thank them at the end of your conversation for having given you their time and taken the trouble to listen to you.
Rule number 4: find a solution
Approaching the problem constructively will help you find a solution together. Explain to your interlocutor what you expect from him. Thus, to him who contradicted you in the meeting, say "I would prefer that, from now on, you come and see me before the meeting if there is a problem with my proposals, so we will have a more coherent speech".
Also, remember to restore communication. As dialogue is still fragile, avoid abruptly rejecting his proposals. Rather than stating that a situation is "unthinkable", say rather that it "has the advantage of... but that"... We are sensitive to words, don't forget it. They can open and close doors.
Rule number 5: If the situation continues...
The problem will only be solved when a change in attitude is observed. If you don't see any progress in the following days, insist! Go back and talk to the person, explaining that from now on, for any exchange, you will go through a third person. Perhaps this can help rebuild the relationship differently afterwards. In any case, there is no point in staying indefinitely at the negotiating table if your interlocutor is not in a good mood. You can gather the team to talk about it and find an ad hoc solution. However, only call on your hierarchical superior as a last resort because the reaction of the manager will be to the detriment of both people involved.
Article written by The ReKrute.com team
Posted on January 17, 2012.
Rule number 1: check that it is not a misunderstanding
The company is a place of pressure, stress, urgency. We don't necessarily take the time to be pleasant or polite when stressed, tired, or facing a bad day. It is good to know that, in most cases, conflict stems from a misunderstanding. We project intentions that are not the real ones... We often attribute to the other emotions that are, after all, only those that we fear.
Rule number 2: discuss
There is no need to wait for things to clear up and improve on their own. Unfortunately, the opposite usually happens. Dare to put the subject of disagreement on the table and go see the person to discuss it calmly. Remain calm and objective. Rethink the events and the situation calmly. Pride and anger are bad advisors. Put yourself, for a few moments, in your interlocutor's shoes. This will help you to understand and express yourself. Above all, remember not to portray yourself as a victim. This would diminish you in the eyes of the other person, but also in your own eyes.
Rule number 3: be direct but diplomatic
Don't start the conversation with: "I'm tired of working with you under these conditions". Say rather: "It would be good if we worked together in a good atmosphere." Rather than saying "you don't give me the information on time", prefer "I'm annoyed because when I receive the information late, it blocks me in the progress of the files".
Don't beat around the bush. If you have a problem, express it without beating around the bush, citing specific facts, with well-defined outlines. Don't get lost, don't get distracted by details.
Also mention the repercussions this situation has on your work and try, together, to determine them. It's not about putting your colleague in a justifying situation, but about exchanging, dialoguing. As equals.
Use a non-aggressive tone and don't hesitate to rephrase your interlocutor's words to make sure you have understood them correctly. Remember to thank them at the end of your conversation for having given you their time and taken the trouble to listen to you.
Rule number 4: find a solution
Approaching the problem constructively will help you find a solution together. Explain to your interlocutor what you expect from him. Thus, to him who contradicted you in the meeting, say "I would prefer that, from now on, you come and see me before the meeting if there is a problem with my proposals, so we will have a more coherent speech".
Also, remember to restore communication. As dialogue is still fragile, avoid abruptly rejecting his proposals. Rather than stating that a situation is "unthinkable", say rather that it "has the advantage of... but that"... We are sensitive to words, don't forget it. They can open and close doors.
Rule number 5: If the situation continues...
The problem will only be solved when a change in attitude is observed. If you don't see any progress in the following days, insist! Go back and talk to the person, explaining that from now on, for any exchange, you will go through a third person. Perhaps this can help rebuild the relationship differently afterwards. In any case, there is no point in staying indefinitely at the negotiating table if your interlocutor is not in a good mood. You can gather the team to talk about it and find an ad hoc solution. However, only call on your hierarchical superior as a last resort because the reaction of the manager will be to the detriment of both people involved.
Article written by The ReKrute.com team
Posted on January 17, 2012.
