Learning to say "no"
14 April 2014
Read by 2565 persons
Fear of disappointing, fear of authority, fear of hurting, fear of being judged... You have certainly all faced situations where you are unable to say "no". The result of this lack of courage is a certain resentment towards that colleague, that manager who "forced" you to say yes.
In reality, the cause of this inability to refuse a request is largely linked to learning the codes of group life during our childhood. In many cases, however, it is necessary to assert oneself and go beyond one's education.
What if it were easy to refuse a colleague asking you to work on a file when you already have priorities on fire? What if you could calmly refuse to do yet another favor for that unscrupulous colleague?
It's possible, but it involves significant work on oneself.
1 - Take time to think
It sometimes happens that you accept a request before even knowing what is really wanted from you. Take the time to think: "OK, fine. I'll look at it and get back to you in 15 minutes."
2 - If it's yes: highlight your answer
"I managed to free up some time, that's fine". Above all, keep your commitments. It is by assuming one's responsibilities that a relationship of trust will be established with your interlocutor and that it will be easier to say no next time.
3 - If it's no: give the objective reasons for this refusal
"I'm currently working on such and such a file, it's taking up all my time", give your feeling "it bothers me..." with a smile and try if possible to find an alternative solution (postpone the deadline, suggest the name of a colleague, stay reachable by phone...).
4 - Value your "yes"!
Use this "no" wisely and you will increase your self-esteem, save time and gain the respect of your colleagues. By wanting to please too much, you can hurt yourself by falling into the endless spiral of "yes". It is then much more difficult to dare to say "no", your colleagues or superiors knowing full well that by asking you they will get their way.
This posture is not rebellion. When possible, do not hesitate to accept a request, the important thing being to find your own balance.
Know, however, that the rarer your "yes" are, the more you will be able to value them! Refusing what you don't want to do is simply a proof of your honesty that will give relief to your "yes".
Do not forget that credibility and respect for others often go through self-assertion!
Dynamique-mag.com
Posted online on April 14, 2014.
In reality, the cause of this inability to refuse a request is largely linked to learning the codes of group life during our childhood. In many cases, however, it is necessary to assert oneself and go beyond one's education.
What if it were easy to refuse a colleague asking you to work on a file when you already have priorities on fire? What if you could calmly refuse to do yet another favor for that unscrupulous colleague?
It's possible, but it involves significant work on oneself.
1 - Take time to think
It sometimes happens that you accept a request before even knowing what is really wanted from you. Take the time to think: "OK, fine. I'll look at it and get back to you in 15 minutes."
2 - If it's yes: highlight your answer
"I managed to free up some time, that's fine". Above all, keep your commitments. It is by assuming one's responsibilities that a relationship of trust will be established with your interlocutor and that it will be easier to say no next time.
3 - If it's no: give the objective reasons for this refusal
"I'm currently working on such and such a file, it's taking up all my time", give your feeling "it bothers me..." with a smile and try if possible to find an alternative solution (postpone the deadline, suggest the name of a colleague, stay reachable by phone...).
4 - Value your "yes"!
Use this "no" wisely and you will increase your self-esteem, save time and gain the respect of your colleagues. By wanting to please too much, you can hurt yourself by falling into the endless spiral of "yes". It is then much more difficult to dare to say "no", your colleagues or superiors knowing full well that by asking you they will get their way.
This posture is not rebellion. When possible, do not hesitate to accept a request, the important thing being to find your own balance.
Know, however, that the rarer your "yes" are, the more you will be able to value them! Refusing what you don't want to do is simply a proof of your honesty that will give relief to your "yes".
Do not forget that credibility and respect for others often go through self-assertion!
Dynamique-mag.com
Posted online on April 14, 2014.
