Always alone at work...
8 May 2018
Read by 3562 persons
They exist, these lonely office workers, these eternal solitary riders, always on the sidelines, always apart, who don't join anyone when the team is gathered around a farewell drink, a departure, a meal or a simple hallway conversation.
They exist and we don't understand them well…
Where does this desire to withdraw come from? And what can be done to escape this very paradoxical confinement?
1. A desire for protection
Obviously, when an employee almost stubbornly refuses any professional friendship, has neither the desire nor the will to create bonds, even temporary ones, even "utilitarian" ones, one is entitled to ask questions. Why? Yes, why this relentless isolation? As many psychoanalysts affirm, even if, in some individuals, the desire to be alone can be quite natural and healthy, it nevertheless conceals, consciously or not, a need for protection.
Protecting oneself from disappointments, betrayals, conversations (perceived and considered as necessarily harmful), from the effort represented by the movement towards the Other… From the Other, simply.
2. Why want to detach from the group?
I don't have time
Simple, "stupid and mean" reasons, such as lack of time, availability, are often mentioned. And it is undeniable that we need this group less and less to produce our work. Sometimes even, we are faster, more concentrated, much more efficient when we are alone, quiet, calm.
And, whatever the case, it must be admitted that the majority of links created at work are not very rewarding. It is fundamentally a matter of functional and profitable exchanges, privileged to the detriment of real relational communication.
Certainly. Nevertheless, these links are necessary for the good development of affection, therefore of individual fulfillment.
I feel inferior
Very often, behind behaviors of distance, isolation, there is a feeling of fear: fear of displeasing, of being rejected, of being left out, precisely, of disappointing, of not being up to par…
The individual anticipates what he fears and makes himself small, in his corner.
I'm back in my schoolboy place
The world of Business recreates, on another level but in the same way, the old school universe. The boss is the fatherly and/or professorial figure. The team and colleagues are like siblings and classmates… Thus, the individual is once again faced with his former place as a schoolboy, high school student, student, confronted with the same blockages, the same feelings (fear, fear of rejection, feeling of inferiority, need for recognition, approval, appreciation…), which causes similar and sadly known attitudes of self-protection and withdrawal.
3. What to do?
Daring to evaluate the situation honestly and readjust, redress imbalances, frustrations, seems to be a very good idea, according to various professional coaches.
However, being well aware that it is not easy to self-evaluate, it is above all about (re)learning to assert oneself gently, breaking the automatisms of defense, protection and therefore confinement, isolation. Some group therapies can help in this process insofar as it is, precisely, about expressing oneself in the face of the "group" object, the idea being to exist there with simplicity and serenity.
The ReKrute.com Team
They exist and we don't understand them well…
Where does this desire to withdraw come from? And what can be done to escape this very paradoxical confinement?
1. A desire for protection
Obviously, when an employee almost stubbornly refuses any professional friendship, has neither the desire nor the will to create bonds, even temporary ones, even "utilitarian" ones, one is entitled to ask questions. Why? Yes, why this relentless isolation? As many psychoanalysts affirm, even if, in some individuals, the desire to be alone can be quite natural and healthy, it nevertheless conceals, consciously or not, a need for protection.
Protecting oneself from disappointments, betrayals, conversations (perceived and considered as necessarily harmful), from the effort represented by the movement towards the Other… From the Other, simply.
2. Why want to detach from the group?
I don't have time
Simple, "stupid and mean" reasons, such as lack of time, availability, are often mentioned. And it is undeniable that we need this group less and less to produce our work. Sometimes even, we are faster, more concentrated, much more efficient when we are alone, quiet, calm.
And, whatever the case, it must be admitted that the majority of links created at work are not very rewarding. It is fundamentally a matter of functional and profitable exchanges, privileged to the detriment of real relational communication.
Certainly. Nevertheless, these links are necessary for the good development of affection, therefore of individual fulfillment.
I feel inferior
Very often, behind behaviors of distance, isolation, there is a feeling of fear: fear of displeasing, of being rejected, of being left out, precisely, of disappointing, of not being up to par…
The individual anticipates what he fears and makes himself small, in his corner.
I'm back in my schoolboy place
The world of Business recreates, on another level but in the same way, the old school universe. The boss is the fatherly and/or professorial figure. The team and colleagues are like siblings and classmates… Thus, the individual is once again faced with his former place as a schoolboy, high school student, student, confronted with the same blockages, the same feelings (fear, fear of rejection, feeling of inferiority, need for recognition, approval, appreciation…), which causes similar and sadly known attitudes of self-protection and withdrawal.
3. What to do?
Daring to evaluate the situation honestly and readjust, redress imbalances, frustrations, seems to be a very good idea, according to various professional coaches.
However, being well aware that it is not easy to self-evaluate, it is above all about (re)learning to assert oneself gently, breaking the automatisms of defense, protection and therefore confinement, isolation. Some group therapies can help in this process insofar as it is, precisely, about expressing oneself in the face of the "group" object, the idea being to exist there with simplicity and serenity.
The ReKrute.com Team
