Work: Ten tips to start changing.
19 September 2012
Read by 1596 persons
You want to rebalance your private and professional life? Using a coach can help you better understand your aspirations. Ten tips for a smooth change.
Your work leaves you exhausted. You can no longer stand the endless days or the laborious weekends. The feeling of missing out on your life haunts you. Should you change your work rhythm, review your responsibilities or, why not, consider another job? How to assess professional pleasure and true skills? What should you give up?
Introduced in France a few years ago to help laid-off executives find work, coaching is now presented as an aid to change. There are many ways to approach what the French Coaching Society defines as "supporting a person based on their professional needs for the development of their potential and skills". Some practices refer to psychoanalysis, transactional analysis, neurolinguistic programming (NLP) or Gestalt therapy. All are based on the maieutics dear to Socrates, which allows access to a better self-knowledge. Here are ten tips to make the right decisions.
Do not seek performance
You are first and foremost here to get to know yourself better, anticipate and decipher your reactions. You should probably start by disconnecting from the obligation of productivity dear to your company. "In a society that values everything that works, the cult of the Performance god is a dangerous trap", underlines Christine Barriller, consultant at Positis, a management consulting firm.
It is better to leave to athletes and executives in search of records the "inflationary" assistance that always pushes higher. Coaching, moreover, does not necessarily lead to a promotion: after a year of interviews, the boss of an SME joined a spiritual community; Marie-Anne, a busy young woman, now allows herself a Wednesday with her children. Small joys that avoid big crises.
Prioritize well-being
A little serenity at work often goes hand in hand with greater efficiency. "Know-how", which translates into self-confidence, autonomy or personal fulfillment, now counts as much as "know-how". Isabelle, head of a pharmaceutical research laboratory, has thus learned to stop playing the "nice person": "I have become more assertive. As a result, people don't walk all over me anymore."
Do not expect ready-made solutions
Change will not be delivered on a silver platter. "The goal of reflection: to ask the right questions, that is to say, those that will make you move forward", notes Marie-Christine Noury. It is this neutral listening from the coach that will help to formulate one's own solutions. "Only the client knows", recalls Olivier Devillard, founder of the Dexteam firm.
Take stock of your life
This is the time to define your deep aspirations in the different spheres of your life; to determine what is essential in your professional life and in your social and family life; to finally say what would please you, what you have never allowed yourself. "For twenty years, I worked like crazy without ever asking myself any questions", says Jean-Louis, a 47-year-old technical director, struggling with the "middle-age blues". After six coaching sessions, he became aware of the joy he felt in caring for disabled people and decided to dedicate half of his sabbatical year to this activity.
Look at yourself with more indulgence
Many of us have an unfortunate tendency to paint a bleak picture by highlighting our flaws. "People arrive laden with all the sins of the world, when they have tremendous potential", notes Suzel Gaborit. Why not highlight your qualities? Taking stock of one's "talents" allowed Antoine, her client, to explain to his hierarchy the skills he could bring to the company.
By "talent", Suzel Gaborit means "the specific quality that you use every time you succeed". By becoming aware of his qualities of creativity and good communication, Antoine realized his own worth.
Identify obstacles to change
You repeat that you want to change your life, and you don't do it. What is really stopping you? "You have to explore your fears and manage to find a balance between those that clash", advises psychiatrist and coach Eric Albert. Such as the fear of losing a well-paying job and the fear of missing out on something important in your life.
Hence the relevance of becoming aware of our "limiting beliefs", these imaginary obstacles that prevent us from acting, the excuses behind which we shelter. Many executives impose infernal hours on themselves to prove their worth. "Evacuate from your "attic" everything that weighs you down", urges Guy Rullaud, associate director of the Headic & Adlance firm.
Marie-Anne, 34, wants to succeed in an international career. But when asked: "What is important to you?", she replies: "Looking after my children." Difficult, under these conditions, to appreciate the early mornings at Roissy airport, knowing that you have left your two little ones at home!
Set goals to achieve
As things become clearer, you can better define what you want to do. Looking two, five or ten years ahead. "Dare to address even censored solutions", suggests Jean-Louis Muller. Like this manager of a large chemical company who, at 50, allowed himself to give up power to start a farm. It is better not to set the bar too high. It's about managing change smoothly.
Wise advice: break down your goal into micro-objectives, with a timetable for the course to be accomplished, making sure to take stock at each stage. The coach will help you build a strategy to assert your choices. You are not obliged, for example, to abruptly announce that you are now leaving at 6:30 sharp! "You don't let go of the trapeze before catching the next one", warns Suzel Gaborit.
Learn to give up
Before taking the plunge, you will need to assess the price to pay for more freedom. It is essential to clearly represent the consequences of the project you have in mind. How will your relationships with your boss, colleagues, but also with your family and friends be modified? Any change involves a process of separation from the past.
Take a step back
You know what you are worth and where you want to go. You have identified the mental patterns that were ruining your life. You are now able to take a step back and consider a problem as a simple object to be dealt with. "It's the helicopter effect", says Jean-Louis Muller with a smile. In her research laboratory as in her private life, Isabelle has taken the right distance: "Today, I no longer accept the unacceptable. I have learned to be less permeable and to say no." And the impact of coaching is not always where you think it is: Isabelle divorced and started psychotherapy.
Make your loved ones your allies
Good precept to follow to succeed in your change: "You have to involve the other person, the one who will help you move", advises Eric Albert. The acceptance of the project by the close environment conditions the success of your objectives. "Don't hesitate to mediate your change", encourages Dominique Clavier. Family, friends... With them, you will succeed.
Coaching
Is coaching a passing fad?
"The needs for coaching are unlimited and the demand is increasingly explicit", affirms Vincent Lenhardt, from the Transformance firm. Born in the United States thirty years ago, the phenomenon seems to be here to stay because, among other things, it compensates for the human shortcomings of constantly changing companies. Moreover, these companies are increasingly resorting to this practice to resolve conflicts or manage changes related to restructuring.
A sign of the times, individuals, who no longer wish to wait for the company to choose for them, are seduced by this form of support, which requires less availability and financial investment than psychotherapy. The downside of success is that the phenomenon attracts charlatans! To avoid excesses, the French Coaching Society makes its members sign a code of ethics, requiring respect for professional secrecy and supervision of their work.
And women?
The eternal guilt of mothers
"What is most important to me: supporting my son in the stages of his development or satisfying my need for creativity in a job that gives me pleasure? A question that keeps coming back", confides Pascaline. "Every day, at school pick-up time, I look at my watch, and I think that my daughter will do her homework not with me, but with her nanny", admits Julie.
How to reconcile professional fulfillment and motherhood without feeling guilty? The problem is complete, painful, difficult. Few, if any, real solutions on the horizon, but possible "arrangements". For example, maternity leave, lasting one year in Sweden... "The only thing that helped me was this sentence from my therapist", Pascaline resumes: what you experience at the office enriches your relationship with your child, and vice versa."
Psychologies.com
Posted online on September 19, 2012.
Your work leaves you exhausted. You can no longer stand the endless days or the laborious weekends. The feeling of missing out on your life haunts you. Should you change your work rhythm, review your responsibilities or, why not, consider another job? How to assess professional pleasure and true skills? What should you give up?
Introduced in France a few years ago to help laid-off executives find work, coaching is now presented as an aid to change. There are many ways to approach what the French Coaching Society defines as "supporting a person based on their professional needs for the development of their potential and skills". Some practices refer to psychoanalysis, transactional analysis, neurolinguistic programming (NLP) or Gestalt therapy. All are based on the maieutics dear to Socrates, which allows access to a better self-knowledge. Here are ten tips to make the right decisions.
Do not seek performance
You are first and foremost here to get to know yourself better, anticipate and decipher your reactions. You should probably start by disconnecting from the obligation of productivity dear to your company. "In a society that values everything that works, the cult of the Performance god is a dangerous trap", underlines Christine Barriller, consultant at Positis, a management consulting firm.
It is better to leave to athletes and executives in search of records the "inflationary" assistance that always pushes higher. Coaching, moreover, does not necessarily lead to a promotion: after a year of interviews, the boss of an SME joined a spiritual community; Marie-Anne, a busy young woman, now allows herself a Wednesday with her children. Small joys that avoid big crises.
Prioritize well-being
A little serenity at work often goes hand in hand with greater efficiency. "Know-how", which translates into self-confidence, autonomy or personal fulfillment, now counts as much as "know-how". Isabelle, head of a pharmaceutical research laboratory, has thus learned to stop playing the "nice person": "I have become more assertive. As a result, people don't walk all over me anymore."
Do not expect ready-made solutions
Change will not be delivered on a silver platter. "The goal of reflection: to ask the right questions, that is to say, those that will make you move forward", notes Marie-Christine Noury. It is this neutral listening from the coach that will help to formulate one's own solutions. "Only the client knows", recalls Olivier Devillard, founder of the Dexteam firm.
Take stock of your life
This is the time to define your deep aspirations in the different spheres of your life; to determine what is essential in your professional life and in your social and family life; to finally say what would please you, what you have never allowed yourself. "For twenty years, I worked like crazy without ever asking myself any questions", says Jean-Louis, a 47-year-old technical director, struggling with the "middle-age blues". After six coaching sessions, he became aware of the joy he felt in caring for disabled people and decided to dedicate half of his sabbatical year to this activity.
Look at yourself with more indulgence
Many of us have an unfortunate tendency to paint a bleak picture by highlighting our flaws. "People arrive laden with all the sins of the world, when they have tremendous potential", notes Suzel Gaborit. Why not highlight your qualities? Taking stock of one's "talents" allowed Antoine, her client, to explain to his hierarchy the skills he could bring to the company.
By "talent", Suzel Gaborit means "the specific quality that you use every time you succeed". By becoming aware of his qualities of creativity and good communication, Antoine realized his own worth.
Identify obstacles to change
You repeat that you want to change your life, and you don't do it. What is really stopping you? "You have to explore your fears and manage to find a balance between those that clash", advises psychiatrist and coach Eric Albert. Such as the fear of losing a well-paying job and the fear of missing out on something important in your life.
Hence the relevance of becoming aware of our "limiting beliefs", these imaginary obstacles that prevent us from acting, the excuses behind which we shelter. Many executives impose infernal hours on themselves to prove their worth. "Evacuate from your "attic" everything that weighs you down", urges Guy Rullaud, associate director of the Headic & Adlance firm.
Marie-Anne, 34, wants to succeed in an international career. But when asked: "What is important to you?", she replies: "Looking after my children." Difficult, under these conditions, to appreciate the early mornings at Roissy airport, knowing that you have left your two little ones at home!
Set goals to achieve
As things become clearer, you can better define what you want to do. Looking two, five or ten years ahead. "Dare to address even censored solutions", suggests Jean-Louis Muller. Like this manager of a large chemical company who, at 50, allowed himself to give up power to start a farm. It is better not to set the bar too high. It's about managing change smoothly.
Wise advice: break down your goal into micro-objectives, with a timetable for the course to be accomplished, making sure to take stock at each stage. The coach will help you build a strategy to assert your choices. You are not obliged, for example, to abruptly announce that you are now leaving at 6:30 sharp! "You don't let go of the trapeze before catching the next one", warns Suzel Gaborit.
Learn to give up
Before taking the plunge, you will need to assess the price to pay for more freedom. It is essential to clearly represent the consequences of the project you have in mind. How will your relationships with your boss, colleagues, but also with your family and friends be modified? Any change involves a process of separation from the past.
Take a step back
You know what you are worth and where you want to go. You have identified the mental patterns that were ruining your life. You are now able to take a step back and consider a problem as a simple object to be dealt with. "It's the helicopter effect", says Jean-Louis Muller with a smile. In her research laboratory as in her private life, Isabelle has taken the right distance: "Today, I no longer accept the unacceptable. I have learned to be less permeable and to say no." And the impact of coaching is not always where you think it is: Isabelle divorced and started psychotherapy.
Make your loved ones your allies
Good precept to follow to succeed in your change: "You have to involve the other person, the one who will help you move", advises Eric Albert. The acceptance of the project by the close environment conditions the success of your objectives. "Don't hesitate to mediate your change", encourages Dominique Clavier. Family, friends... With them, you will succeed.
Coaching
Is coaching a passing fad?
"The needs for coaching are unlimited and the demand is increasingly explicit", affirms Vincent Lenhardt, from the Transformance firm. Born in the United States thirty years ago, the phenomenon seems to be here to stay because, among other things, it compensates for the human shortcomings of constantly changing companies. Moreover, these companies are increasingly resorting to this practice to resolve conflicts or manage changes related to restructuring.
A sign of the times, individuals, who no longer wish to wait for the company to choose for them, are seduced by this form of support, which requires less availability and financial investment than psychotherapy. The downside of success is that the phenomenon attracts charlatans! To avoid excesses, the French Coaching Society makes its members sign a code of ethics, requiring respect for professional secrecy and supervision of their work.
And women?
The eternal guilt of mothers
"What is most important to me: supporting my son in the stages of his development or satisfying my need for creativity in a job that gives me pleasure? A question that keeps coming back", confides Pascaline. "Every day, at school pick-up time, I look at my watch, and I think that my daughter will do her homework not with me, but with her nanny", admits Julie.
How to reconcile professional fulfillment and motherhood without feeling guilty? The problem is complete, painful, difficult. Few, if any, real solutions on the horizon, but possible "arrangements". For example, maternity leave, lasting one year in Sweden... "The only thing that helped me was this sentence from my therapist", Pascaline resumes: what you experience at the office enriches your relationship with your child, and vice versa."
Psychologies.com
Posted online on September 19, 2012.
